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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don’t take in a parcel for a neighbour if you are going on holiday!

71 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 26/10/2017 09:20

A relative sent a birthday present for DS which arrived yesterday morning by Royal Mail, however we had gone out to the zoo. It was left with a neighbour that 5 doors down. Went to collect it at 4pm but no-one Home, tried again at 7:30 and again no-one Home. This morning the house next to them says they went on holiday at lunchtime yesterday (about an hour after taking in my parcel) and they won’t be back for 2 weeks!!!

Surely they should have just said no to the postman!

OP posts:

sunandmoonshine · 26/10/2017 10:19

@Befire

Slightly OT but parcel taking in etiquette is that you go and collect your parcel from the person who takes it in for you isn't it?

Not only off topic, but nothing to do with the scenario in the OP at all.

I hate this taking 'parcels and packages in' shit. I won't do it for people and I don't want them doing it for me! It's annoying and awkward and a nuisance, and there is a risk of stuff getting damaged or going missing etc etc.... As I said, a neighbour of mine (4 doors down, who I barely know and rarely speak to,) took my catalogue delivery worth nearly £200 shortly before they buggered off for 2 days. I was a nervous wreck for the 2 days they were away; worrying about all my stuff.

I was constantly jumping up from my chair, looking out of the window every time I heard a car door slam, in case it was them. And then when it WAS them (eventually!) I ran down the road in my pyjamas to their house, so I could get my package before they went out again!

I will always help someone in an emergency, and look out for elderly and vulnerable neighbours, and am happy to chat when I see people, but I draw the line at taking in packages for people. And as I said, I don't want people taking them in for me. And none of this 'what has society come to when we can't help a fellow citizen!' bollocks PURLEEEZE. I have heard it all before. And as I said, I am quite happy to help in an emergency, but I will not take in packages for people. Especially in this day and age where people can get stuff delivered to Argos and Tesco and similar places, and pick them up at their leisure.

And I don't buy this 'she probably just didn't think' line. No WAY should anyone be taking a package in for someone if they know they are going away in an hour or so - for a fortnight!

Slartybartfast · 26/10/2017 10:21

so wrong for you to blame the neighbour
what are you going to do?
be angry with her?

Ceto · 26/10/2017 10:24

I agree that parcel etiquette is that the addressee should pick up the parcel ASAP. However, I wouldn't get wound up if they don't, just because I know you can't always rely on couriers to leave a note, or the note may go astray.

KitKat1985 · 26/10/2017 10:31

I'm sure someone posted about a really similar issue a couple of weeks ago (I'm obviously on Mumsnet too much).

But YANBU OP, that's silly. I'd certainly not take the parcel in if I was going away for a fortnight.

Goshthatwentwell · 26/10/2017 10:32

Why is it wrong to blame the neighbour? They had the choice to refuse it.
I'd be cross quite frankly. It's not a kind or helpful act.

Slartybartfast · 26/10/2017 10:39

it is very entitled to blame the neighbour.
they didnt have to do you any favours, which they did do. otherwise the parcel goes back to the depot.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 26/10/2017 10:43

Um, the neighbour took the parcel in and then set off on holiday an hour later. I know I certainly wouldn’t usually be able to collect from a neighbour within an hour of delivery as I work full time and most deliveries we get are in the morning.

Frankly, OP, YANBU and I think your neighbour was a numpty for even taking it. I can’t think of any sensible reason they took it knowing they were heading off for two weeks!

PandorasXbox · 26/10/2017 10:46

It’s done now. I’m sure there was no malice intended just someone busily getting ready for their holiday.

It’s not the end of the world.

gobster · 26/10/2017 10:51

It may not be the end of the world but it could be very costly

I tend to do large clothes orders with the intend to send a fair bit back if I’m lookong for an outfit for an occasion, so someone holding on to a parcel for two weeks might mean I miss the window for returns and get charged for things I don’t want, Next especially has a very tight returns policy

sunandmoonshine · 26/10/2017 10:52

Yes it IS right to blame the neighbour. It's her bloody fault!

And it IS right to be angry/annoyed.

Who the F takes in someone's package when they know they're going away for a fortnight?!

No point in kicking off at her though, when you have to live near her, but it was stupid and thoughtless to take the parcel in, when she knew she was going away for a fortnight.

ButchyRestingFace · 26/10/2017 10:54

I’ve had this happen before.

It’s maddening.

PandorasXbox · 26/10/2017 10:55

Angry and annoyed over that? Ridiculous.

Gobster - you have no idea whether this present is clothes?

Slartybartfast · 26/10/2017 10:59

the parcel was a present.
if you make an online order you can stipulate where it should be delivered rather than take the chance of a neighbour receiving it, who may not be a numpty.

sweetbitter · 26/10/2017 11:00

YANBU, bit giving them the benefit of the doubt if they often take in packages at the postie's request they may just have said yes automatically without thinking they were going on holiday so not a good idea.

alizondevice · 26/10/2017 11:03

I'm sure the neighbour didn't act in malice.

The responsibility lies with the person who actually ordered the goods. Don't order parcels if you're not going to be home to receive them. Why should the onus be on the neighbour?

If you know you're not going to be home for delivery, you can have your parcel delivered to a drop off point in your community, ie a store, where you can pick it up at your convenience. Or you can instruct the delivery company to leave it in your shed or garage.

It's never your neighbour's responsibility. They have busy lives just like you.

gobster · 26/10/2017 11:11

Never said it was clothes I was simply stating if something has a short returns policy and they cause you to miss it that’s bloody annoying and possibly costly! The neighbours don’t know whether it’s urgent or not therefore should have refused.

bigbluebus · 26/10/2017 11:29

I'm just gobsmacked at the postman thinking it is OK to leave a parcel 5 doors down. In times when some people don't even know who lives next door to them, why is it OK to assume you will know the people 5 doors away.

I recently had a parcel left with my NDN to our left. They had only moved in 2 days before and we hadn't even met them yet. (We are normally very friendly but they had lots of family/friends helping them move in so wasn't appropriate to go and introduce ourselves at the time)Thankfully they were very pleasant and said it was no problem, and I have since reciprocated for them.

I actually filled in a card for the Royal Mail saying where they could leave parcels if we were out - they have completely ignored it on a number of occasions.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 26/10/2017 11:34

That was dippy of them.

smallmercys · 26/10/2017 11:42

I use this opt out service for Royal Mail deliveries, and so far it has been working:

www.royalmail.com/personal/receiving-mail/delivery-to-neighbour-opt-out

PuppyMonkey · 26/10/2017 11:47

Really annoying but maybe they took it in whilst really busy getting ready to go away thinking you'd be round for it ASAP, and had intended to drop it round to you or another neighbour before they left. But then they forgot in their rush to leave.

But yeah, then again maybe they're simply idiots.

agentdaisy · 26/10/2017 12:42

It absolutely is the neighbours fault. They knew they were going away so shouldn't have accepted it.

Saying you shouldn't order something if you won't be in is ridiculous, never mind that the op didn't actually order anything as it was a gift. That's like saying no one should ever send anyone a gift incase they aren't in when it's delivered.

Royal mail usually take parcels that can't be delivered to the depot where you can either pick it up or arrange for delivery when you will be home. Couriers tend to either leave a card with a mobile number to arrange redelivery or leave it in your designated safe place (except my hermes who are a law unto themselves).

I don't expect anyone to take in my parcels if I'm not in and unless you've got a guaranteed delivery slot then it's ridiculous to expect everyone to wait in all day for a delivery that may not arrive until 9pm.

sunandmoonshine · 26/10/2017 13:08

I actually find where I live @agentdaisy that the couriers knock every bloody door until someone answers. I live at No 12 Church Close, and I have seen a courier try to deliver to No 11 (opposite me.) When they get no response (cos they're not in!) they knock at No 9 (next door to the one they are trying to deliver to.)

Then when no-one answers at No 9, you can see them looking around to see if they can spot someone on a driveway, or in their window. So then they try No 7, and if THEY don't answer, they start walking across to me and Numbers 10, 8, and 6...the neighbours opposite Numbers 7, 9, and 11.

In some instances, I have seen them go to the road at the end of the street - 2 minutes walk away, and start knocking on THEIR doors to try and deliver the package! I was asked the other week to take a package in for No 5 High Street, which is around 300 yards from my home, in another street, around the corner. I have never even MET these bloody people. I said no.

I get that these couriers have a quota to deliver, and I know they are busy and poorly paid, and maybe they get a commission for every package delivered (and not sent back to the depot.) But knocking on every door until someone answers and takes the package in, is a piss take. And it happens a lot where I live.

There are a few elderly people in my cul-de-sac, and a couple of vulnerable adults, and I have seen couriers banging on doors and windows to try and get them to answer, to take in a package that is for a neighbour 6 doors away who they don't even know. It scares the shit out them, because they are not expecting anyone, and it unnerves them for the rest of the day!

disclaimer, none of the addresses I mentioned are real.

sunandmoonshine · 26/10/2017 13:11

Just wanted to add, the fact that there is a 'delivery to neighbour opt out' service at the Royal Mail PROVES that many people get pissed off with being asked to take in packages for people!

www.royalmail.com/personal/receiving-mail/delivery-to-neighbour-opt-out

MsPasspartout · 26/10/2017 13:22

I had this last year. Parcel delivered to neighbours who’d gone off on holiday before we went round to get the parcel.

Very annoying. And then, when they did return home.... they didn’t even have the parcel. The postman had put the wrong house number on the card. It’d been left with different neighbours who’d been in as normal all along.

Original poster

Aliveinwanderland · 26/10/2017 13:27

The parcel is a birthday present for DS sent by a relative so I have no idea what it is! I have had to apologise to relative for no thank you message or photo yet, as the present is held up for 2 weeks.

OP posts:

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