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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be mightily pissed off with DH and his sister?

49 replies

Radley · 13/04/2007 08:37

dd1(5) and dd2(8) went out with my sil for the day, they had breakfast here (scrambled egg) and sil picked them up at 9.30.

Sil brought them back at 7.30 and even though they had had a fab day, being to cinema, got loads of clothes etc, all they had had to eat was some pic 'n' mix at the cinema and scrambled egg about 1-2 o clock. I am soooooooooooooo annoyed that they didn't have something more substantial.

I told dh, and, because it was his sister (and she says she's not well) he said it's ok, bet they didn't mention the amount of sweets they had had

How on earth can anyone say that it is ok for 2 growing children to nibble on sweets all day AND have scrambled egg twice.

OP posts:

LowFatMilkshake · 13/04/2007 09:37

Hi Radley

I know that if you took your DD's out for the day you would make sure they had a substantial meal and not so many sweets.

However that is the beauty of going out wih a favorite aunty or GP. They get to ignore this rule totally and feed the children whatever is easiest, nicest, will bring the biggest grin And I am assuming your SIL has no DC's of her own so can carry on like she did without being aware of a 'parental attitude' towards lots of sweets and not enough food.

And as said by Ges if your DD's are hungry when you get them back, some toast etc is easy to feed them and quick.

I would love to have a relative who would do this for my DD, but the GP's have not got a clue (my way or the other way) and we have no siblings in a position to do it either. Although my DC's do have a GrtDA who does her best, but ever respectful of me and DH she avoids buying sweets and chocolate.

GamePointGary · 13/04/2007 09:41

sorry about the dear
try to put things into perspective

fannyannie · 13/04/2007 09:42

I think Moondogs comment should be quote of the week .

Back to OP - I agree with everyone else - as long as they didn't collapse on the floor from hunger (tiredness would be fine by me as it means they'll sleep well LOL) then I wouldn't have a problem with it as a one off.

lulumama · 13/04/2007 09:48

radley

i am not sure why you are so upset, as it seems there might be a deeper issue

your kids are 5 & 8, they can survive on eggs and sweets for one day . not having a cooked dinner will not hurt them one bit

bet they had a great time, and came home very happy !

LowFatMilkshake · 13/04/2007 09:51

Actually I will 'fess-up' of I take DD out just the two of us I happily buy her whatever crap we seem to be passing (including fruitshoots and pic&mix - although normally a salty or sugary pretzel)as I know it is a treat for her and not something regular.

Although as pointed out i have no one else to do this with her so I vindicate myself!!

tasja · 13/04/2007 09:52

Can't see why you're upset. It was only one day this happened. If they were hungry, surely they would have said someting.

Chill out!

LunarSea · 13/04/2007 09:53

As a one-off I'd not be over-worried. Maybe next time you make sure SIL knows what they had for breakfast, and you know what time they're likely to be back - so you can causally throw "they'll have their tea with you then" into the conversation as a hint to her that they'll need something around that time?

ds is staying with his grandparents this week. They've told me they took him to McDonalds for lunch, which is something I've NEVER done with him, and never plan too. They justified it though by telling me he had orange juice not coke to drink! Not exactly the point, but I'm not going to kick up a fuss as they have had him to stay/taken him out while I'm tied up with newborn ds2, and they weren't under any obligation to do that.

LittleSarah · 13/04/2007 09:53

My sisters are great with dd but I can't see them taking her out for the whole day for the foreseeable future, if ever! Sounds great, shame about the food but no need to get annoyed over a one-off.

dejags · 13/04/2007 10:00

I was in a similar situation last week.

DS's godmother took my 2 & 5 year old out for the day. She allowed them to drink coke all day long. I was seething.

Now the reason I was seething is because she regularly likes to make sport of disrespecting the way I do things with the kids. She knows I like them to be fed and in bed by a reasonable hour, yet if they stay with her she'll feed them their tea at 9pm and let them go to bed at 11pm. It's the principle of the matter that pisses me off rather than the specific action.

Having said that, I know that I am probably being unreasonable in light of the fact that the kids have a ball. So I set myself on fire, seethe silently and let it go.

I have realised that my kids will not be under my control 100% of the time for the next 50 years, so I have to accept that if things are done differently when I am not around, so be it.

LowFatMilkshake · 13/04/2007 10:14

dejags...what happens after 50 years??

powder28 · 13/04/2007 10:31

Give your sil a break!

I dont even see my own sister and even if i did she wouldnt offer to take my kids out anywhere. Its hard work watching other peoples children cos your are extra alert about making mistakes!

agnesnitt · 13/04/2007 10:33

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect somebody taking your kids out for the entire day to actually give them a decent meal at some point in there. Scrambled eggs on their own or just with toast, while great as a snack or a breakfast isn't exactly a meal.

Agnes

piglit · 13/04/2007 10:38

Years ago in my pre-dc life, I took my 6 year old niece out for the day. We went to Hamleys and on the London eye and had lunch in McDonalds (I didn't eat McDonalds so I had no idea it was 'a bad thing' and besides my niece loved it). We also went on a open topped bus.

TBH I'd be really pissed off if my sil ignored the fact that her daughter had a wonderful day and instead just complained about the McDonalds.

Blu · 13/04/2007 10:47

My 5 year-old is very capable of telling a relative that he is hungry, if he is, so I would guess that a 5 year old and 8 year old are.

If not, why not?

It's the easter hols, they could have stayed up slightly later and had some pasta and fruit when they got in, I don't see what the issue is at all.

In Dejags shoes I would be a but annoyed by Coke all day fro a 2 year-old - but when I was a childless aunt, I was the acknowledged 'bad influence'. Whilst it is a parent's job to instill the everyday good habits, I think it is an important role for more sporadic but loving relationships to be based in a little rule-relaxation. Like we do when we go on a night out with friends? It won't undermine your authority in the long run.

LIZS · 13/04/2007 10:47

If they didn't come home grumpy and ravenous then I'd say they've probably left something out. I'd expect them to get fed ie. a lunch and maybe tea (hot or cold) depending on what time they normally eat, what they were up to and how far the journey back but tbh that sounds healthier than much of what could have been offered and was presumably a one-off.

Blu · 13/04/2007 10:49

All DS's 5 year-old friends are sensible about telling me if they are hungry or would like a snack when at our house. As well as trying to wangle for biscuits or things they might not be given at their own houses, they will ask for a cheese sandwich or an apple, or whatever.

anneme · 13/04/2007 10:49

On the one hand I think it is a bit unfair to be p-d off with sil when she has tried to give the kids a good day and one day of crap food won't hurt. However, I do understand about wanting one's children to be fed enough - I have that problem with my inlaws who don't ever seem to eat meals at regular times (even those with children of their own). DS, on the other hand, needs meals regularly or he becomes hyperactive/unreasonable and generally grim to be with. I have had to bite my tongue a couple of times when MIL has appeared with DS at about 2pm saying "he seems to be rather unreasonable at the moment" - yes, that's because he needs feeding. They all now think I am a complete food addict because whenever we are doing something with the family I make a big point of factoring in meals (of course, DS then doesn't eat anything just to show me up)

dejags · 13/04/2007 10:51

I think if I tell the DS's when the are 55 & 52 respectively what they can and cannot drink, they might perceive me to be a tad controlling - not to mention the MIL from hell if they are married

Rachmumoftwo · 13/04/2007 10:51

Can I suggest that you pack them a bag with healthy snacks next time, or a packed lunch.
If your SIL has no kids she probably just didn't realise. I used to look after my friends 2 before I had any of my own and cringe now to think of the junk I fed them. They loved me though!

gess · 13/04/2007 11:02

I think if you don't like the way someone looks after your kids when they take them out then just don't let them go.

wanderingstar · 13/04/2007 11:07

Mine would say if they were hungry; I'm sure yours had a fun day.

Buffyfan123 · 13/04/2007 11:08

Surely that is the point of aunties and GPs? My sister takes my DD out for the day - and even had her for the whole weekend when DD2 was only 8 weeks old, and my mum babysits every now and again. Whenever these things happen my DD gets spoilt (chocolate, treats, presents and late nights)- but she loves it and it isn't every day, thats what makes it special ! I am just very grateful to have family that cares enough to want to spend time with my DDs and love them enough to want to spoil them.

However if it is an ongoing issue with your SIL and she always disrespects what you say (I have a friend with a MIL just like that all the time - despite a sugar intolerance which sends DS hyper and aggressive) then I can understand how you are annoyed, but then don't let her take them out, or set the groundrules beforehand.

GamePointGary · 13/04/2007 11:09

you wanna see the amount of kids and oparents who shobvel picka nd mix anyway

happybiggirl · 13/04/2007 17:42

Message withdrawn

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