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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend and photo frames

48 replies

Bananasplit47 · 25/10/2017 07:36

For my closest friend's recent birthday, I got some (what I thought were) lovely photos of us printed off and got some cute little frames. She seemed to really like them.
I went round to her house the other day and she has taken the photos of us out and replaced them with photos of her with other friends.
AIBU to be upset about this? I know it's a gift and you can do what you want with it once its been given to you, but I don't think I'd do something like this.

OP posts:

livefornaps · 25/10/2017 08:18

Nah, that's not on. One or two okay - but to replace all of them is not at all in the spirit of the gift. You feel - literally - disposable!

I would honestly ask for the frames back. You're hurt and your feelings are legitimate. It is ok to feel things, you know, you are allowed :)

PesoisaTool · 25/10/2017 08:18

I'd be annoyed too. Insensitive cow.

Original poster

Bananasplit47 · 25/10/2017 08:21

Well it wasn't just photos of me! Two were photos from holidays we've been on over the last year. One was a group photo of our friendship group. I don't see how giving photos of you and friends to friends for birthday gifts is weird.
We are mid twenties.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bananasplit47 · 25/10/2017 08:22

And I'm not 'needy' and don't expect to 'live on her mantle'..
I just thought it was a nice, personalised gift.

OP posts:

KoalaD · 25/10/2017 08:25

I think it was insensitive of her. I'm no surprised you're hurt.

RadioGaGoo · 25/10/2017 08:27

I think it's really thoughtful, not needy or weird at all. I don't think age has anything to do with it at all though. Some people just have different levels of friendship.

intergalacticbrexitdisco · 25/10/2017 08:28

It's not needy or weird, it's a nice, normal gift. I can see why you're hurt.

livefornaps · 25/10/2017 08:36

Some people on here will say anything to get a reaction. The op isn't talking about pictures of a sleepover in forever friends frames.

BESIDES - the fact the other friend still had the frames out and had replaced the photos shows that she appreciated the frames and the idea of displaying photos of her friends, which is the important thing here. So clearly it was an appropriate gift FOR HER - it's just that she's replaced the OP and the giver of the gift. Which is shit. Which is why I would just ask for them back.

Whambarsarentasfizzyastheywere · 25/10/2017 08:38

You would ask for a gift back because it wasn't being used as you intended?

SixInTheBed · 25/10/2017 08:42

I guessed you were in your early 20's, OP, as that's a very popular , personalised, gift among my adult DDs and their friends, and not regarded at all as needy or weird.

Your friend was at best thoughtless. At worst, she has showed you where you are in her social hierarchy. The only straw I would clutch at is the fact she replaced the group photo as well. Although two days does seem very hasty. I would step back a little and certainly examine my interactions with her with a more objective eye in future. Unfortunately sometimes we value others more than they do us.

Ameliablue · 25/10/2017 08:51

That's a kick in the teeth. It would be one thing not to want them displayed at all but to replace with pictures of other friends is bad.

CotswoldStrife · 25/10/2017 08:51

I wouldn't ask for the gift back! That would be weird!

I would have assumed that the frames were the gift rather than the photos, but I am old and according to SixInTheBed it's a popular gift in your age group so perhaps your friend felt a bit self-conscious about the photos?

AnnaBay · 25/10/2017 09:03

Clutching at straws here but is it possible she didn't actually really look at the photos and assumed they were the sample photos you get in them?
Maybe she thought you gave her the photo frame alone without realising there were photos of you two in there.

(She'd have to be pretty dim though but you never know....)

AnnaBay · 25/10/2017 09:04

By "them", I mean new photo frames.

AnotherLegoBrick · 25/10/2017 09:06

I think that sounds like a lovely thoughtful gift and something I would have done 20 years ago.

I’d be hurt, but I’m not sure you can do anything about it.

abbsisspartacus · 25/10/2017 09:14

We bought my ex mil a nanny bragging book full of photos of her first (And at that time only) biological grandchild she cut the book up turned it into some kind of scrapbook page and gave it back to us as a "gift"

RatRolyPoly · 25/10/2017 09:32

I'm not going to bother trying to find some highly unlikely justification for this; you'd have to have the IQ of a turnip to think it was okay to swap those pictures out. I'd look her dead in the eyes and tell her it was a bang on shitty thing to do - which she already knows - and I'd hope being faced with the hurt and angry consequences of her actions would make her squirm. Can't speculate on the future of your friendship but I wouldn't bank on it in the short term at any rate.

snackerextraordinaire · 25/10/2017 09:40

Rude. I agree you should confront her in a light and breezy way, ‘what happened to the photos of us?’ Unfortunately this might be an indication of how she feels about you and I would keep my distance.

PandorasXbox · 25/10/2017 09:50

I’d have said “ oi where’s our photo’s? “

QueenArseClangers · 25/10/2017 10:19

WTF abbs?!!!!

How did she justify that?!

livefornaps · 25/10/2017 11:04

Shocking story of the nanny book!

Don't bother buying this friend any more gifts.

Stop inviting her to things.

kaytee87 · 25/10/2017 11:14

It’s a lovely gift and she has been very thoughtless. Maybe she doesn’t like how she looks but she could have swapped the photos back before your visit to save your feelings or pick another picture with you in it that she did like for at least one of the frames

abbsisspartacus · 25/10/2017 13:03

She didn't try to justify it so I said no more photos for her ex DH tried for years but I refused to make an effort with photos anymore she tried to make a point of taking pictures on her phone when she visited because she had none but that turned into an argument about us not visiting them they had to "make the effort" etc (we couldn't drive and had limited transport in the sticks everytime we could visit they were busy shopping ironing or cleaning any objections over that were met with we do WORK you know so we stopped bothering)

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