To expect some basic consideration from family?

[TrouserMuseum]

I have cancer. It was found in quite a shocking way 2 months ago. I’m now half way through 6 weeks of radiotherapy which can be wearing. Mostly mentally fatiguing- conversation is hard work after treatment. My appointment today was at lunchtime. Parents have been in holiday since before treatment started and got back yesterday. They wanted to visit today so I asked them to come in the morning. No, they want a lie in, it’ll be afternoon. Ok, whatever. So I ring when I get home from hospital to ask when they’re coming so I can pace myself, preserve energy to be able to talk to them. Mum: “we’ve got too much washing to do and your DB and DNeice are coming anyway so we won’t bother coming to you”. DB also said he wanted to visit this afternoon, so I texted asking when to expect him and DN. After 3 hours forcing myself to stay awake just in case, he replies saying they went to park after visiting DP’s and won’t bother coming to us either. I know this is little and petty, in light of terminal condition, but my kids half term has been spoilt by my daily appointments. If DM and DB had just let us know they couldn’t be bothered we could have done something this afternoon. There are loads of other examples but don’t want to risk identifying myself. AIBU or overreacting?

How fucking dare they? Honestly, I am disgusted.

When my mum was diagnosed with cancer, we were on pretty rocky ground. We had had the most epic falling out ever a few months beforehand and honestly I had decided not to see her any more. I was in pretty bad health myself and didn't have the energy for her crap.

Then she was diagnosed. She had surgery and I was there with her every single day. I went to every chemo session and kept her occupied. I was there every single time she needed me. When she was in the hospice for a month, I was there every day. There was literally nothing more important to me than being there for her.

Pretty much the only positive thing about having cancer is that people generally understand how fucking serious it is and therefore treat you with the compassion and empathy it deserves. Those who don't are soulless, vile specimens.

You make sure they are aware of exactly what you're going through and how much you need their support. If they don't respond to that then I have no words.

Some good advice here. Focus on you and your dh and dc.
If you want to sleep, sleep.
If you want to go out, go out.
If you want to shut yourself away, do it.
If you are not available when they deign to call in without notice, tough.
Tell them all once, that this is the way it is. Once is enough. Ignore their self absorbed bollocks.
You will not be wasting what precious time you have, waiting around pointlessly in case they decide they are dropping by.
Live your life the way you want. They will have to learn to fit around that.

Preach, Madwoman!

You are a treasure, Tammy x

What Madwoman said.

Put your DCs first. No more waiting in/pacing yourself just in case the DPs can be arsed to visit.

They probably pretended to themselves that they were going to visit so that they could screech at friends over lunch "oh but I am going to visit my dd who has cancer this afternoon" in order to bathe in sympathy and concern for how stressful it must be to have a dd with cancer, but then when it came to it the actual visiting seemed too much like hard work.

Fuckem. Don't waste your emotional energy on them.

That is exactly what they thought (DM did at least) Kunil

Your dh really needs to step up, he becomes your gatekeeper if they are ignoring or minimising what you say. If you say no, I'm tired and they say we won't stay long, he jumps in and says, no, sorry, Trouser is resting, you can come at ..., for ....Hours. If they start pissing you around he says, no, that's not possible. You have enough on your plate without their faffing.
Big fat unmumsnetty hugs for you and your little family.

I have never read anyone who has been less U on MN. Ever. Christ I'd be pissed off at that and I'm fit and well.

OP I would focus on the people who are adding positivity, support and love to your life, and just let the others get on with their own selfish shit.

I wish you all the very very best

That's the thing though Trouser, I'm definitely not! There are just some rarecircumstances where any reasonable human being drops literally everything else to be there and support a loved one, and this is one of them. I am so angry on your behalf. I think you've been pretty reasonable by not telling them all to piss off and get their act together before contacting you again.

Focus on your husband and kids, ignore the rest. I just can't believe this is even a question. Perhaps they really are ignorant of what you're going through but that doesn't seem feasible to me. I'm so sorry. PP is right that they should now go through your husband. Hugs and more hugs.

Forget about your parents, their presence sounds detrimental to your health.

Your husband needs to be your bouncer! You need to focus on yourself, it's time to be selfish. Six weeks of radio (5 days a week, I presume) is exhausting, and then the chemo after is also very tiring.

Make sure you take up any offers of help. You mentioned being terminal, really sorry to hear that, it's crap. I am too, but I've survived 5 years so far, so try not to shut down. It took me about 3 years before I allowed myself to plan things in the future, although I only plan a few months ahead, like planning a UK holiday next May or June.
Perhaps plan a trip for after you've finished treatment. Something for you all to look forward to.

Remember, it's your time to be 'selfish' now. Ignore any complaints from others, and listen to your body.

All the best.

They’re happy to post about it on Facebook with sad face emojis.

I'd reply to those posts with comments such as, you can't be bothered to visit me though.

I have never read anyone who has been less U on MN.

That is some accolade! Thank you!

So she turned up this afternoon. After specifically being told that I'm fit for nothing in the afternoons. Four days, but she's been busy with shopping, washing and church stuff.

I could not be arsed with her. and was polite but that's it. No doubt she's off to church now to tell everyone how this cruel disease has turned her daughter in to a cow and how awful it is for her.