To not invite my sister?

[bluebellhills]

There’s a very long backstory but in a nutshell my sister and I have never gotten on. I can no longer bear her.
When my DD was born things got so
much worse and my sister along with my controlling parents were horrible to me. My DD also had life saving surgery at a couple of weeks old and they all made a stressful situation so much worse. Calling me, shouting down the phone at me because I didn’t want them to visit, I too had just been through surgery. Childish text messages from them. I can’t look at any of them the same, I just feel so bitter.

My sister met DD once and I decided I wouldn’t make any effort to see her after that.
Next month is my DDs first birthday and we’re doing a small gathering for our nearest and dearest. My parents are all about keeping up appearances and have told me that she HAS to be there otherwise the family will ask why. The family know we’ve never gotten on but for some reason my parents bullshit and won’t tell them that we actually don’t speak anymore.

I know that if I don’t give an invite to my sister I’ll get weeks of phone calls, “you’re making me ill with stress” comments, Dad pretending he’s short of breath on the phone and saying his chest hurts so that I usually give in because I can’t be arsed with the drama.
If I send the invite she won’t come anyway, it’s just a weird power thing on my parents part. But I absolutely do not want to even invite her, I want to celebrate my DDs first year properly, especially as things were so stressful at the start.
AIBU in not sending the bloody invite?

Tell your parent there is no need to invite her, you won't be going anyway. Go out somewhere lovely, just you your dp and baby, have a wonderful day and email them a photo so they don't feel like they missed out 🙄

I am gradually going NC with my DSis and some more distant family members. It is so liberating.

Don’t invite her, her know it makes sense!

Don't let your dps control you. I wouldn't be inviting sis either.

If they're going to spoil the day maybe uninvite them?

Don’t invite her. You really don’t need to put up with this crap just because it’s family. Sometimes family treat you worse then anyone.
It is so liberating not having to deal with things like this.

Your parents sound like they are just as much of a problem as your sister. I'm struggling to see why you're singling her behaviour out when they are very much operating as a toxic unit, reinforcing and excusing one another's bad behaviour. It smacks of a slightly child-like, but understandable, wish that your parents will prioritise you this time around. But you know they won't - the emotional blackmail, fake illness etc, will all start. Do yourself a favour and give yourself a break from all of them, and tell them why.

Thanks all for your replies.

I won’t send an invite to my sister.

My parents can be pretty awful sometimes, it’s all about control with them. They are VERY closed minded and it really is their way or the high way... but weirdly I do still love them and am not ready to cut them out yet- all very fucked up, I know.

Be firm with them though. No emotional blackmail.

Tell them you've invited her - but don't.