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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish people wouldn't use the phrase "mental health problems"?

86 replies

LostInShoebiz · 23/10/2017 14:06

Totally a TAAT but AIBU to wish people would not say things like "what if she has mental health problems"? Just like 'being ill' can cover anything from the sniffles to terminal cancer, mental health difficulties cover mild anxiety up to full blown chronic conditions requiring inpatient treatment and having serious consequences.

Stigmatising all mental health problems by lumping them in together leaves people with mild or manageable conditions in fear of 'coming out'.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 23/10/2017 17:21

Banderwassnatched You don't have to disclose it to anyone and everyone, but at the very least I would your boss know.

If they knew from the start, it would be much better for them and easier to understand than when something goes wrong and they're thrown in at the deep end. They would admire you for coping as well as you do; if they'd known from the beginning.

Each to their own, of course, but I think it destigmatises mental health problems and allows people more time to process and understand if they know from the beginning.

Banderwassnatched · 23/10/2017 17:29

WhatTo- someone said something on the thread about Mind not stigmatising, so I popped onto their website. And immediately saw their article on people facing dismissal or disciplinary having made disclosures. I have a good idea of the pros and cons. My point is- yes, people may well admire you for 'beating' mental health problems. But that doesn't mean those of us who haven't beaten them are not facing prejudice, discrimination or stigma. So you can proudly walk into an interview and say 'I HAD depression'. Would you walk in and so happily say 'I HAVE depression'? Your post seemed calculated to undermine what I had just said about the impact of my OCD on my career. And yet, you're not having to say to these people 'actually, I AM ill, have been for a long time, will be for the forseeable'.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 23/10/2017 17:33

Banderwassnatched Had I been able to work at that time, yes, I would have disclosed it straight away, because it would have been important to me that they knew.

I wasn't trying to undermine anything, it wasn't calculated. Nor have I suffered from depression.

I'm not quite sure why you keep putting words like better, beaten etc. in air quotes though Confused

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 23/10/2017 17:34

I have said on the odd occasion that one of my children has/had mental health issues

I domt know what else i am supposed to say

I could say what they 'had' but i dont see why the specifics are anyone's business

Banderwassnatched · 23/10/2017 17:39

They're in air quotes because IME these things are in a state of management, they never really go away.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 23/10/2017 17:44

Banderwassnatched That is only your experience, though.

I suffered for many years, then I had intensive therapy and managed to get better. I no longer suffer with the mental health problem that I did many years ago.

I'm sorry if you believe it isn't possible to ever beat them, overcome them or get better, but it is. I didn't believe it either, to be quite honest, while I was ill.

missyB1 · 23/10/2017 17:51

Good grief OP you are making it worse with every post, stop now!

Banderwassnatched · 23/10/2017 17:56

Yes it is my experience, hence the air quotes. I was trying not to invalidate your experience, the air quotes weren't intended to say 'you are wrong', just that it's not language I'd use when discussing mental health. Neither did I ask for your advice on
-whether I can get better (it has been 25 years!)
-how to manage it at work
-what to say to my boss.
I merely commented that that stigma is still totally a problem in my life.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 23/10/2017 18:06

Banderwassnatched If you air quote something someone has said, you are invalidating their experience because you're saying you don't believe it; that you don't think it's possible.

I haven't given any advice on whether you can get better or not; I wouldn't have a clue as I have no idea about your situation.

In fact, I haven't given you any advice at all. I merely said that I would prefer and think it's better to tell your (generic your, not personal your) boss about something so important.

gherkinperkin · 23/10/2017 18:08

YABU. I’m a psychologist and “mental health problems” is fine as a general umbrella term. Certainly preferable to the term “mental illness” which is unhelpfully tied to a medical model of understanding emotional distress.

IamalsoSpartacus · 23/10/2017 18:29

Should it become necessary, I say that I have poor mental health.

For some reason I prefer this to "I have mental health issues/problems."

I have disclosed in previous jobs but not my current one as my boss has already said in passing that he has no sympathy with people with mental health problems. That's a far bigger issue than how to describe people.

FlakeBook · 23/10/2017 18:37

I prefer "mental illness" gherkin precisely because it emphasises the medical.

Emotional distress is not the same as mental illness and I don't agree with you that it isn't an organic illness.

Crumbs1 · 23/10/2017 18:41

It’s the same with ‘disability’ it’s a generic term so cannot differentiate by degree of disability a condition causes.
That said it wouldn’t be very practical to list every specific mental illness when speaking about the range of illnesses. Sometimes an umbrella term is necessary.

MoistCantaloupe · 23/10/2017 18:41

YABU. I had a serious mental health issue when younger. Now I have a mental health issue. It really doesn't bother me on the slightest, I don't think this is anything to get worked up about.

HarryHarlow · 23/10/2017 18:46

Flakebook, do you feel that mental health issues are only biological? Do you feel psychology and social circumstance also plays a part?

FeistyColl · 23/10/2017 19:10

Nothing wrong with the phrase itself. How it's used is a different discussion. I used it today to refer to a group my DD attends. It is for young people with mental health problems. Each of the young people is an indivual with their own mental health strengths and difficulties but the fact they have mental health problems is why they go.

RunningOutOfCharge · 23/10/2017 19:13

I agree with cantalouoe

It’s nothing to get worked up about!

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 23/10/2017 19:40

I have mental health problems and I have no issue with the term.

I DO have an issue with the armchair doctors on MN, but that's not the same thing.

Are you talking about the fact that most MN posters seem to have undiagnosed and vague 'anxiety'? I couldn't agree more that the number of people who seem to think they can self-diagnose and make excuses for their and their children's behavior is mind boggling.

Now THIS is the kind of ignorant statement that perpetuates mental health stigma.

dangermouseisace · 23/10/2017 19:50

Biscuit Angry

MiraiDevant · 26/10/2017 12:19

It looks as though it is one of those things that we cannot discuss .

Everyone has mental health issues and no-one can say otherwise - which effectively means that it is normality and any real understanding has gone.

Can we not see that the person who says "Oh yeah, I have depression too", "I have anxiety too" , "Yeah I have food issues too" is completely minimising both the anorexic on suicide watch and the person who literally cannot leave the house as she paralysed with fear?

However if we can never question this we are in fact making it far harder to discuss and deal with the whole question.

The other comment that I know will not go down well is that whilst people are very focused on their own mental health and what they can and can't do they tend to be very unforgiving and lacking in understanding of others.

You rarely see a post about a surly shop assistant or a grumpy "elderly" man or a stroppy teen on a bus or which makes an allowance for the fact that there may well be mental health issues involved, (both age groups particularly susceptible to MH problems).

By the way I have not escaped and have lost a close family member to suicide and have a mother who has dementia.

Multidimensionalbeing · 26/10/2017 13:05

Mirai - All mental health problems are egocentric. Of course they are. They are all about the person experiencing the difficulties and how it affects them.

Which isn't disimilar to any other problem.

Overreaction1 · 26/10/2017 13:10

Surely anyones mental health that is less than optimum, even in a small way, means they may be affected in a negative way and so it is a 'problem'. For which they deserve the correct help and if necessary treatment for the problem.

restofthetimes · 26/10/2017 13:16

For an anorexic on suicide watch or a person who literally cannot leave the house as she paralysed with fear - I would probably say "serious" or "debilitating" mental health problems.

It did make me Confused when Duchess of Cambs was talking about mental health with William and she said - "yes do you remember William when we went to Anglesey with George? That was hard." - Was she opening up about pnd there, or just saying it was really hard having a new baby?

mawbroon · 26/10/2017 13:35

Personally, I prefer to talk about 'mental illness' because that's what it is.

'issues' seems like the PC replacement for words like 'nutter'. Oh, she has issues