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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to be asked if I like it

24 replies

Lostinouterspace · 22/10/2017 19:24

I always thank and smile when receiving presents even if I don’t like them. But I feel really awkward if I’m asked if I like it when I don’t. I often try to evade the question but some people won’t accept this. If really pushed I do say that it’s not my taste. Apparently this is rude. Whereas I think it’s rude for a giver to insist on being told by the recipient they like it when they don’t.

When I give presents I always include a receipt so they can be returned.

OP posts:

Ttbb · 22/10/2017 19:30

It's very rude to admit that you don't like them. It's also very rude to push like that. Your gift receipt approach is very good.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 22/10/2017 19:33

I think it's rude to say it's not to your taste, actually. Why does every word you utter have to be the brutal truth, even when you know it will cause upset?
It's shockingly gauche to pride yourself on "telling it like it is". Sometimes it's not necessary.

Witsender · 22/10/2017 19:34

It's rude to tell them that. Why would you?

SomethingNewToday · 22/10/2017 19:36

Totally thought this was going to be about sex.

WorraLiberty · 22/10/2017 19:36

See I was always taught that telling someone how much their gift cost, is rude.

Therefore I would feel really awkward including the receipt with the gift.

I normally just tell them I've kept it just in case they need it.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 22/10/2017 19:38

Totally thought this was going to be about sex Ha, me too

I think it's rude to tell someone you don't like their gift. You could probably tell a white lie which has an element of truth eg "Wow, I love the colour" even if you don't like the gift itself

lljkk · 22/10/2017 19:46

Lying is wrong. We're not supposed to lie. Even the Bible doesn't say that lying is okay to save people's feelings. I am surprisingly good at lies but I still don't like lying.

I tend to tell a truth that is not the answer. If they were sensible they'd figure it out, but most folk don't listen very well.

The gift giver asks "Do you like it?!" (about a hideous item)

"Wow it's really bright colour!" with genuine exhuberance.
(and if I'm lucky)
"Very good on the sizing" or "The fabric is lovely soft" or "I can use this in kitchen" ( but I won't because it's going to charity shop ASAP ) etc.

Original poster

Lostinouterspace · 22/10/2017 19:52

Telling the suggested white lie has resulted in a collection of unwanted Lladro. So that put me off not being honest.

Re the receipt I always put it in an envelope marked receipt and try to get a gift receipt if possible so the amount spent isn’t obvious unless/until it’s returned.

OP posts:

chitofftheshovel · 22/10/2017 19:57

It's actually rude of the person giving the present to give you a gift you don't like. I also think it is rude to not say you don't like it but then to never be seen with it on or to be seen using it, that speaks for itself.

demirose87 · 22/10/2017 19:59

It's rude to say you don't like it if they have put thought into it. I'd just say thank you and keep quiet.

ZippyCameBack · 22/10/2017 20:05

You can usually find something nice to say. Once I knitted a cardigan for my granny. She wrote me a lovely thank you note, saying how well made it was and how long it must have taken. There was something about the tension being very even too I think. I showed the note to my mum and said "She doesn't like it, does she?" Mum agreed that she probably didn't. I wasn't at all offended though, because it was a more modern style than she usually wore, and she had been very kind. I just chalked it up as balancing out the slime-green sweater I had to wear for ages because granny had knitted it for me when I was 10!

lljkk · 22/10/2017 20:08

Lladro might be worth something on Ebay (trying to think constructively).

RB68 · 22/10/2017 20:08

I put gift receipts (which have no price on) in an envelope sealed with Receipt on the outside - if they really can't bear it they can take it back. But that is only if it is someone that I don't know v well.

WhyamIBoredathome · 22/10/2017 20:08

I have always faked being grateful until
Once when my DP got me a ring for my birthday. He asked if I liked it and I had to be honest and tell him it really wasn't my taste because it was just awful, and he would have noticed that I never wore
It. I explained very nicely that as it wasn't my normal taste it wouldn't go with any of my other jewellery or clothes so would he mind if I swapped it for something that would be a better fit. When he gave me the receipt it was clearly a panic buy as he bought it 5pm the day before my birthday!

babyturtles · 22/10/2017 20:09

Why can't you just smile when you open it and say "oh, lovely, thank you" with enthusiasm?

Then there would be no need for them to ask you if you like it, because they assume you do, and you wouldn't need to lie.

eddielizzard · 22/10/2017 20:10

well i think if you're asked a direct question: 'do you like this?' you can be evasive but then prepare yourself for years more of the same shit. so better to be honest. but you can be gentle 'well it's not what i would have chosen but i'll still cherish and enjoy it because you gave it to me' or some such shit and hope that they never give you such a crap present again.

personally i wouldn't ask whether someone liked something unless i was prepared to hear that they don't. otherwise why ask?

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 22/10/2017 20:10

It is rude to give someone a gift and then demand to know if they like it, and back them into a corner where their only choice is to lie, or be rude back and admit they don't like it. Its also a bit stupid, since most people who like a gift they've received will say so without being asked.

Particularly with relatives, I think its better to let people know if they've bought you something you really don't like. It might be rude but its better then getting bought the same thing for the next few decades because you said you loved it in 1993.

HotPots63 · 22/10/2017 20:14

Totally thought this was going to be about sex.
So did I!

RosieBucket · 22/10/2017 20:15

I always say gifts are 'really thoughtful of you, thank you so much,' even if it's really not to my taste. I also make sure I have my present receiving face glued on. I can also say 'yes, I love it' fairly convincingly if asked. Then it goes to the charity shop.
If it was something quite expensive I don't know what I'd do, but I rarely get expensive presents from anyone but dh. And then not all that.

Maelstrop · 22/10/2017 20:18

See, I think it's pointless buying something that the recipient doesn't like, regardless of price/thoughtfulness etc. I've finally persuaded my dm to spend her money on herself and if she must give me something, it's preferably consumable. I have no display space in my house, I don't share her taste in garish plastic jewellery and I'm terrible at pretending to like something. Much easier to ask what someone wants or just not buy them anything.

Cantusethatname · 22/10/2017 20:23

It does sound a bit 3 year old entitled brat not to be able to receive with grace a present that has been chosen for you with love.

ADishBestEatenCold · 22/10/2017 20:42

I incorporated a possible answer (to the question "Do you like it") into my thanks.

"It's amazing, thank you".
"Oh wow ... thank you, thank you so much".
"and look at the colour ... how did you know? I didn't tell you did I? Thank you".

it's the other bits that I don't say out loud ...

Winebottle · 22/10/2017 20:44

I'm a passionate believer that if you don't want my honest answer, don't ask me the question. I like to think of myself as someone who is straight with people so I don't lie. However, this can be dealt with more tactfully than saying no. Evade better.

I think the best way to deal with it is to try and find something positive to say about it like "yeah, that will be useful for x" or "yeah, it is a nice colour". Surely you can't hate a present so much so you can't think of something good to say about it.

Glumglowworm · 22/10/2017 20:47

They're rude to keep pushing but you're rude to say you don't like it

Just say "oh yes it's lovely thank you" and then do what you want with it.

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