About aspergers

[Lime19]

Can you please help settle an argument between dh and I.

We have a relative that we think has aspergers. She's in her 30s and displays a lot of the symptoms. However she has not been formally diagnosed.

Dh thinks that if she gets formally diagnosed she will be able to claim all sorts of benefits and not work again! Get her house paid for etc.

Currently she does work (for another relative) but in reality she is probably unemployable due to various reasons. So on paper she has worked for last 15 years. She certainly is capable but has poor social skills that would make getting and keeping a job hard.

I have read various things on mumsnet about how bloody hard it is to get disability benefits for anything!

So what chance does she have if getting enough benefits to survive on.

Or am I right in my thinking, she's gonna fall through the cracks and the government will not help her?

I should add that the business she works for is due to close soon due to retirement of the owner.

What is he basing this fantasy on? Because that’s what it is.

I didn't mean for dh to sound like an idiot. He really isn't. We are just lost in a way to help her really. And we are a bit clueless about the benefits system.

We would love for her to get a job and make friends but her poor social skills make her a nightmare to get along with. She comes across as rude etc.

It's so difficult. Trust me my dh would love nothing more than for her to be happy. The benefits questions comes more out of desperation for an answer.

I’ve just been diagnosed. I used to work full time, professional job, good salary but the strain of coping with that led to MH issues and I had a spell on ESA. I also had housing benefit that didn’t cover my rent. The amount is low. It’s tough to get by.

I’m back at work part time now but struggling financially. I’ve just applied for PIP but am not sure I’ll get it. If I did it’d be an extra £50 a week.

If she gets laid off from the family business then I guess she’ll have to sign on. It was the stress of coping with that after I was made redundant that led to me eventually being signed off sick by the GP.

So if she ends up in that situation she might end up needing to seek help. The stress of the benefits system is not to be underestimated. It’s hellish.

Again, are you assuming that she ought to be happy in the same way that you are happy? Often the company of others is hugely stressful and pushing others away is a survival tactic. What does she think she needs? It’s her he needs to talk to.
As for benefits, the job centres are a brutal, uncompromising and spectacularly unhelpful setup with very little flexibility for disabilities. If she gets benefits, she may end up destroyed in the process or expected to go for completely unsuitable placements. Has he contacted the NAS to ask their advice?

I just want her to be happier. I know she won't be like me. But I would love her to not be depressed and lonely. I actually think she does have some other mh issues here too (possibly linked to aspergers) she comes across as depressed and angry a lot of the time. Do you think counselling would help? It creates other issues in her life too (she has no idea how to look after herself or her money and makes bad choices that are worrying and dangerous)

What I'm hearing is it's hard to get diagnosed as an adult.

It's harder to get benefits of any kind these days.

She's be better off trying to get a job that accommodates her aspergers (if we can even get that diagnosed)

All in all it doesn't look great! Quite a sad situation really. It's so hard to help someone that pushes you away all the time.

Is she capable or not op? You say she is then say she isn't. If she isn't she's much more likely to get pip. Does she get much help?

It's not necessarily hard to get diagnosed as an adult. Has anyone actually spoken to her about it?

She was initially not up for going to gp because "what's the point you can't cure aspergers". She thinks she might have it too. She has now said that getting diagnosed might be of benefit to her. I'm glad she's had a change of heart.

I think she is physically able to work. She's very smart too. But her attitude stinks (now that may be part of her aspergers) she lacks social skills, she is not hard working and will find excuses to duck out of work. She does not take instruction well "because she knows best" She has a very poor appearance too which does not help.

Your DH has no clue, let him go and try to get all these imagined benefits.

You need to look at your area's system for diagnosis of autism.
In my area, there's a mental health "gateway" system so if anyone has serious MH issues, they will be treated for those and not meet any criteria to be assessed for autism.
It's so sad because undiagnosed adults with autism can often have been dxd with MH problems and treated as though they have MH problems. the onus is then on you to convince the MH people that you believe there could be the possibility of autism as well as their MH issues.

If you think an NHS autism dx could help, go ahead, it's 18 months to 2 years waitlist in most places.

For PIP, you need more medical evidence to back up every assertion you make. I'm currently being told there are no appointments in the forseeable future to see the NHS professional I need to to provide medical evidence for a relative who is transferring to PIP.
The DWP's stance is that their compulsory face to face assessment "overrules" any medical evidence you provide, even when that medical evdience is provided by a consultant.

Then you need more medical evidence and for each part of that process there's a very long wait. However, PIP claims are time-barred so you have little to no hope of meeting their deadlines with new evidence.
Fact, they want a reply withing 'four weeks of the date of their letter'
but you didn't receive it until 2 weeks after that date (this is very common) and there's a bank holiday coming up so the generous "month" they appear to allow you to reply suddenly becomes about a week.
Tip. Always get proof of posting or send replies "tracked". I posted one lot of stuff which arrived there the day before their deadline and I had proof as I took a screenshot of the date time and signature of the person who received it and location of the "tracked" item. Next letter I receive from DWP is a demand to know why my submission was received outside i.e. after their deadline and that because it arrived late, the PIP claim would be invalid.

I am robust enough to write a stern reply with copy of the screenshot showing they are "mistaken", but anyone who is in the slightest bit fragile or unable to cope with being treated like that with every bit of correspondence they receive has not got a hope unless someone can advocate for them. very many advocacy agencies are closing down and CAB are so overloaded in my area that they won't even see you until you get to Tribunal stage, that' means being rejected 3 times on your own first.

Again, are you assuming that she ought to be happy in the same way that you are happy? Often the company of others is hugely stressful and pushing others away is a survival tactic.
This ^^. I have few friends & don't go out much. It's perfect for me. And for lots of others on the spectrum.

I have ASD, as does my SIL. I work and I'm fine; anxiety stemming from ASD is more of an issue for me. My SIL gets PIP, but it's certainly not enough to live on. She still lives with her parents.

I was on a waiting list for 2 years but diagnosed within 10 days of getting the appointment letter through - assessment took 3 hours.

It’s just a really tough process. I was in the MH system first and diagnosed with bipolar disorder and got zero points when I applied for PIP. I had someone come to the house and assess me.

The same issues apply now but now I have the ASC diagnosis so I have no idea whether it’ll make a difference or I’ll get zero points again.

Directly as a result of my condition I can’t manage full time work so can’t earn the salary that I would otherwise be able to and need extra help - cleaner and therapy are good examples - yet after reading this thread I doubt I’ll get it.

I sought the diagnosis because I didn’t want to be in the hideous MH system anymore and I clearly didn’t meet the criteria they thought I did.

I didn’t seek a diagnosis for emotional or financial support but for a greater understanding of myself and to help me find appropriate coping strategies.

I’m lucky. In Wales there is support for adults who are diagnosed.