Was I unreasonable not to move? I can't figure this out.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

I’ll keep this short. In the pub with DP last night, watching the football. I went to the bathroom around half time and when I came back, DP had agreed that we’d share a table with some other men that were also watching the football so the table we had could be used to serve food - fine.

The booths sit four people, if you butter up. There is one long back sofa which covers two corners. On one side was a couple trying to have a romantic meal; then DP, then a man we know who supports DPs team. Then the corner, and a drunk man, and a chair that was next to end of the sofa and side on to the TV. I sat there.

Drunk man didn’t want to watch the football and kept getting very close and putting his hands on my legs. DP told me to move to next to him; but I’d have been sitting at the couples table then, and it felt quite rude. In the end, I carried on just moving his hand away and intently watching the football until he left. I did get a bit too drunk constantly sipping my drink so he couldn’t talk to me much.

Today DP is a bit agitated that I wouldn’t move. He said the drunk man wouldn’t have found it rude and why does it matter if he did; he was being rude. And I get that, and fully agree - but it didn’t feel like there was anywhere to go anyway.

(If he’d got any worse; I’d definitely have moved regardless)

I too would have told the drunk to fuck off, I am amazed, however, that your DP didn't say anything.

Surely your DP was being unreasonable. If someone was groping my husband I would have given him/her a right telling off and then left, DH in tow. I just don't see how it was your responsibility to move.

*So, you're being touched up by some bloke in a pub and all your dp did was tell you to move?

My thoughts exactly!

Wtf?! If your dp knows that the man was assaulting you AND DID NOTHING dump him. Ffs outrageous.

I don't understand this, I need a picture. I also don't understand why you didn't pour drunk man's drink over his head.

I'm amazed that you continued to sit there and your dp said and did nothing!!!

i still can get my head around why you did literally nothing about the situation

So you just sat there with the drunk man touching you and said nothing. Why didn’t you tell him to get to fuck..?

Wow!! Victim blaming much!! “Why didn’t you stop him raping you?? Can’t believe you just sat there and let him rape you”

Oh for heaven's sake, it's not victim blaming!

I can’t figure this out either. It all sounds completely bizarre.

Can't believe your DP didn't say 'What the hell are you doing touching my girlfriend?' but instead wanted you to move to deal with it! Ask him why he didn't confront the bloke.

Short story: a few years ago I was out with both male and female work colleagues (not that it matters but I was driving so completely sober) a drunk man had been pestering some of the women trying to rub up behind us when dancing and grabbing our hands. He tried it on me several times and I moved away. He kept following me and on the final time he put his hand up my dress and touched my genitals over my pants. I screamed and freaked out. I told him to get the fuck away from me and that i was calling security. He stood back with his hands up and a baffled look on his face as if he was completely innocent and being accused in the wrong. My colleagues all stood and stared, mouths open and then one of them said to me “geez NO, bit of an overreaction there don’t you think?” And the rest all nodded their heads and gave me the reasons for why I was wrong to ask the man to stop sexually assaulting me.

Op i hope the comments here have given you some confidence for if this sort of thing ever happens again to ask for help and to stop it. You never have to put up with this and it is more than ok to be assertive in these situations (standing up for yourself is not being rude")
Your dp is a wanker for not standing up for you, i would seriously consider why you are with someone like that.

Why is it everybody else’s responsibility to keep the OP safe? She’s not a blow-up doll. She did have some agency in this situation.

Agree thestoic. She dealt with it how she wanted to.

It's not that she doesn't Stoic, but I still think it's surprising that her DP didn't react more strongly and want to help her more actively.

I’m also wondering why DP didn’t swap places with you.

Also wondering how the couple managed a romantic meal with football on and drunk gropey men around.

Sounds like a really shit night, sorry.

I also don't understand why you didn't pour drunk man's drink over his head.

Have some of you only every been around cuddly comedy drunk people? "But whhhhhyyyy didn't you insult/offend a drunk man who had no issues with putting his hands on you??" Perhaps because she didn't want to risk getting punched in the face?

She didn't do literally nothing she told her partner.

I think I would be questioning my whole relationship if someone who was supposed to care about me did sod all to help me. Regardless of the dynamics and history of sexual assaults against women this is basic respect and care in a relationship stuff.

If I didn't recognise the poster's name I would think this was a wind up with a post and run. I don't know if that says more about me or the state of this place these days.

I don't know what's more depressing - the fact that this bastard thought it was acceptable to touch you, that your "D"P told you to move or the people on here saying "why didn't you"

Asking why she didn't move is a completely normal question!!

Your DP is a dick - he should have either swapped with you, told the drunk bloke to do one or sat in between you (in top of the drink bloke if necessary) - anything else is blaming you for someone else’s shitty behaviour (hence he’s a dick).

I assume your DP didn't want to swap with you as he had the better view of the football. He was bu not to offer to swap with you (which I'm assuming that he didn't since you didn't mention it). Mind you I'd have told the drunk man to fuck off and told the landlord to throw him out if he did it a second time too.

You stuck to your guns OP...why the hell should you be the one to move because of some silly drunk man. He had no right to be touching you but you should not have to move because of his actions!