to want another child

[MamaD]

I'm on here a lot (to the detriment of my work lol) but I don't post often, so forgive me if I tread on any toes.
I'm finding myself more and more broody as time goes by. I have one dd (age 2) and a sd (age 11) who lives with her mother.
When my dh and I got together I was 28 (now 35) and he was 34. He was under no illusion that I wanted children (plural). He had only been split from ex wife a year at that point, whereas I had been a singlie for around 5 years, and was ready to settle down again. I always told him that I couldn't wait to be a mum, and even though I really wanted a brood (I'm one of 5) I'd settle for 2.
We got married in 2004 and I immediately caught (honeymoon baby!) which, whilst not planned, was a blessing to me, but a surprise for him (no tricks - just too much rum punch lol). He wasn't overjoyed, but was fine, no problems.
I had a pretty rotten pregnancy - spent the last 3 months in hospital but dd is worth it 'in spades' - she has been a little horror (no sleep, lots of separation anxiety, too clever by half lol) but I really want another child - and like, right now!!
Dh wont even contemplate it. Says he doesn't want another, is too old, no money, my job too important and so on.
It's been building up for ages and I'm starting to think I'd be better off leaving him. At first I was just upset, but now I'm starting to get angry - why marry me, knowing I wanted a family if he didn't? He never said anything before and I'm starting to feel like I was tricked.
We have sd staying with us at the moment. Last night we were all in the lounge when dd suddenly (and totally randomly) said "mummy buy new baby - XXX want new baby" and I stated laughing and said to dd "quick tell dad". Dh starts laughing and makes a joke about it but sd says really angrily "shut up it's not funny, you're not having another brat". I was really shocked and angry but didn't react whereas dh kept saying thinks like "no we're not, don't worry, no more kids" etc etc
I ended up stewing over this all night and am still p'd off today.
So, AIBU? All I want is what I said I wanted all along.......

eeek, sorry for the single block of type - didn't know that what looks like a double line space on preview is only a single one when created.

Now I know better

Hmmm..not an easy one is it??

I think it's something you are really going t have to sit down and talk over with your DH. I think your difficult pgy and the problem you have had with dd may well be cntributing factors..but he has to understand that you didn't hide your intentions to have a family from him at any point.

His eldes dd sounds jealous and that can't help either..he shouldn't allow her to talk tht that in front of you and dd2 though.

I don't like ultimatums really, but at the end of the day it comes down to whther you can live with someone that you will blame for deprivin you of anothe child. He has to be told how important it is to you so he can put his point across too...Good Luck!

Thanks mumto3girls.

I'm not sure how he was over the pregnancy - he's not a very demonstrative man and was away for almost all of it (Iraq). He only came home a week before I was induced, so whilst it was awful for me - he didn't see how awful if you get what I mean. I purposly didn't tell him the worst bits (although he couldn't help but see the 30 lbs of water retention lol). I've explained to him that my midwife and HV and Specialist ALL told me that it is very rare to have pre-eclampsia more than once but he is a bit of a wuss about hospitals, so that may have something to do with it.

I'm used to my sd being cheeky n stuff. She is a bit of a 'Kevin' at the mo, and usually he would pull her up for it, he just didn't last night. She's never acted jealous before (except one hidden dummy incident that dh doesn't know about) so maybe its a hormone thing now she is older? I don't usually let her get to me - it's just I'm a little raw at the moment.

Hmmm..I just think perhaps he feels like your family is complete and that if he shrugs off your commnets enough time will pass and it will be forgotten.

You haveto let him know how much this means to you...

have a quiet word in his ear and let him see how important it is..

I really think you do need to talk to him. Let him know how important it is to you, you've said here that you're thinking it might be better to leave him, does he know that? I'm not saying that you should be that blunt about it but he needs to know that it's not going to go away if he ignores it. Hope things can be sorted for you

really tricky one. There's no compromise really in a situation like this - cos either you will have another DC or you won't, there's no middle ground is there! I wouldn't stress over much about the sd thing - if she doesn't normally show jealousy then this is probably just an age thing rather than being really unhappy about the idea. I would imagine a lot of kids her age might feel like that about the prosepct of a new baby whether they were going to be full or half siblings. You mention feeling you might be better off leaving... but you need to be realistic. There are no guarantees that you would meet someone else who would want to take on your dd plus have more children with you. Don't mean to be harsh, but if you are otherwise happy with your partner, is it too big a risk to leave and possibly end up worse off?