...to love my baby but still miss my old life?

[Jumperoux]

Just realised today that I've left the house without DD a total of 10 times since she was born 6 months ago. And I've not painted my nails because I'm scared she'll need picking up while they're drying. I've had dinner out once. I've been the pub a fair few times but I've not got drunk. And I've not been able to xo cent rate enough to watch a film or read a book. I just read endless crappy short articles on my phone or browse Instagram or play games. I can't hold a proper conversation because I don't read the news beyond the headlines. I used to be fun and cool and interesting. And I've not found my 'people' at baby groups. I love her a lot, she's the cutest baby (sorry all other babies ever) but I just miss my old life so so so much.

YANBU. Nothing can prepare you for how much your life will change. It’s so hard! DH and I often say “WTF did we used to do before we had kids?!”. The lack of freedom can be really suffocating I find.

Have you many friends with kids? I was the first of my friends to have a baby so it was hard but I’m lucky that I found a group of honest mums at a baby group who were happy to have a moan and a good listen.

I love reading like you wouldn't believe but I haven't read a single book in 16 months. I just don't have the time to dedicate to it (I'm an all or nothing reader). I can live without going out with friends or eating out at nice places that don't have a kids area attached but not being able to read really gets me down.

Not in the slightest bit unreasonable! But you've only been a parent for half a year. The early months can be bloody hard and bloody tiring. It gets easier. Mine are school age and I can now do all the things you miss. Hang on in there. For now can anyone give you an hour to read in the bath or do your nails or whatever? Don't feel bad for grabbing time for you.

I was in a high profile political job before I left to have my dd 22 years ago. I still feel bereft when something political happens and i realize that I can't just ring someone to get the inside story!

Wow betrand, what was your job? Sorry, I’m a novelist, and drawn to such things!

Totally and utterly normal. I was in the same shoes as you when my DS was that age. It can be suffocating. DS is now 2.5 years old and life is very different to back then. Hang on in there, it’s not like this forever even though it seems like it at the moment.

It’s ok to miss your prebaby life,as everything changed in ways you couldnt possibly have imagined

I sympathise, you have to count yourself lucky you are not back at work yet.

You may think about painting your nails when your DC has gone down for a nap, nails usually dry in 15mins

You've been out of the house 10 times without your DD and she's only 6 months old! Lucky you!

Ok serious note, it gets easier. Hang on in there.

I left the house without her again today! For 45 mins :-|

I didn't even used to do anything particularly wild or fun. But it was just exactly what I wanted. Rather than timing feeds and naps and bed times. I just miss my old life so much.

I was never one to get manicures and blow dries but I started once I had DS 7 months ago. 100% worth the money because it’s impossible to find the time at home. Especially manicure - find somewhere that does a file and polish locally, shouldn’t take you more than 30 mins including drying time.

(And the point is it makes me feel human when I still don’t fit into any of my old clothes and all I seem to be able to talk about is poo)

It gets easier. My eldest is 6 and I can't really remember my old life. It gets easier as they get older and then you have another one and repeat!

Ah love, I know how you feel but good on you for not trying to have a baby and do EVERYTHING THE SAME* as before as I did that and near drive myself mad.

Fundamentally you've not changed. But the mental bandwidth you have for certain things you want to do has. It took me 14 months to get with the programme on that front plus counselling as I had a bad bout of post natal anxiety.

Missing your old life is normal. I've just had DC2 and now I can I really want to go to the pub for a sesh. But it's ok, it'll happen, I just need to wait.

You're doing fine, missing the old life is normal x

-be as indispensably available for my friends
-go out and drink as much as I used to
-hang out with work chums in the pub on a Friday for fear of being forgotten
-be as clued up on politics/world affairs/latest column by Owen Jones etc

Dd1 was 6 months before I got to leave the house without her!

But OMG did I struggle, up until her 1st birthday did I question if we'd done the right thing. We had no support, just dh and I trying to muddle through. I think back now and wonder how the fuck we got through.

I get exactly the same. Now my daughter is 3 and to be honest I have forgotten my old life and if I get a day to myself I appreciate it more than before she came along. I have not been out for an evening meal since I was pregnant in 2013 as I don’t have any support.. and well I’m not that bothered to be honest. I’ll get it all
back one day. You get used to it. When I look at pics of me before my child it’s like looking at someone else.