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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Enjoy strictly come dancing has become a battle

57 replies

isittooearlyforgin · 21/10/2017 20:43

So! I have become embroiled in a weekly weekend battle where I am desperate to watch strictly come dancing and my family (husband, 2 children who are over 10) seem to do their best to spoil it for me. It's become a running theme as to why I take it so seriously and to lighten up yet it deeply upsets me and have only just realised why
I have literally given up everything for my family, free time, daily run, reading, sleep etc. Although it's tiny, it's the one thing just for me I care about and no one seems to get it. All I'm asking for is an hour obe a week without anyone asking me for anything, I can just thoroughly enjoy completely pointless entertainment and no one will let me (little things like walking in front of the telly, arguing, demanding attention etc. ) is it really you much to ask?

OP posts:

Original poster

isittooearlyforgin · 21/10/2017 21:23

Thing is with strictly I don't mind talking through most of it, but for the 90 seconds of the dance you just want to loose yourself in the moment

OP posts:

SardinesAreSwimming · 21/10/2017 21:23

I hear you and I have felt the same. However being a martyr does you and the dc no favours at all.

They need to learn that mum has needs and wants that are no less important than everyone else's.

Otherwise that's what they'll expect for themselves when they are mums. Or husbands. Your future dil will not thank you for that one.

Also you need to look after yourself ( runs, sleeping, telly, books) otherwise life's just shit isn't it.

And they need to learn to be kind, considerate individuals.

SardinesAreSwimming · 21/10/2017 21:25

Teaching them consideration is good parenting.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 21/10/2017 21:28

I believe you save shouting for rare occasions in parenting, but this behaviour definitely warrants it. Seriously if you don't put a stop to this now, how the heck are they going to behave towards you when they are 15/16?

Ask them how they would feel if you repeatedly interrupted their favourite activity of the week, then tell them if they interrupt yours again, they will be sent out of the room.

Original poster

isittooearlyforgin · 21/10/2017 21:30

You are so right. It just seems so much bloody effort to constantly battle for few time when everyone around you just wants you for themselves. When its every day and all the time its really very hard to fight against like wadong through treacle. I preyty much feel like a single mum
Strictly wise...it just makes me smile!

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GabsAlot · 21/10/2017 21:35

what does your sh do just sit there talking through it?

talk throgh one of their programs see how they like it

GabsAlot · 21/10/2017 21:35

dh*

SardinesAreSwimming · 21/10/2017 21:36

Start today. Tell them if they ruin strictly for you next week then you will not take them to x or pay for y (things they enjoy).

Original poster

isittooearlyforgin · 21/10/2017 21:36

Just watching now ..gemma is gorgeous

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Original poster

isittooearlyforgin · 21/10/2017 21:36

Sh was good!

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Slimthistime · 21/10/2017 21:37

OP "I have literally given up everything for my family, free time, daily run, reading, sleep etc"

Why? And also.....why?!

Freshprincess · 21/10/2017 21:39

my rule is you either sit and watch it properly with me, no talking or getting up during the dancing or you go and sit on your bed whilst it's on (phones not allowed upstairs). They choose downstairs with phones. it's not ideal, but every other night they choose what to watch and it's just one thing I like to do.

When they were little we used to watch it together and reenact the dances when they'd finished and I'd pause the scores and they'd add them up

scrabbler3 · 21/10/2017 21:44

If your kids are 10+ you should be sleeping normally. You should also be able to read a book in peace, and to go running. And yes, why shouldn't you watch your favourite programme uninterrupted?! They're not newborns/toddlers. Have a proper chat about this with your DH, OP.

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 21/10/2017 21:44

Could you afford to book a cheap hotel next week? Get a take away, watch the show, relax, have some time to yourself.

Ragwort · 21/10/2017 21:46

Love my family but just wish I didn't feel so guilty when I try and do own thing. As others have said, why on earth are you feeling guilty about doing something for yourself, don't be a martyr. Start immediately (well, I hope you have watched Strictly by now} - make it absolutely clear to your DH that he is responsible for entertaining the children while you watch and just do your own thing.

Start switching off for the evening, have an early night, door firmly closed, DH does bedtime, don't let your children think that 'mummy does everything'. Go out on your own, even if it's just for a coffee, a walk, the gym, library - anywhere.

I have perfected the art of 'being alone' - having a great weekend home alone now, my family don't need me all the time, it is healthy to do things apart.

Original poster

isittooearlyforgin · 21/10/2017 21:46

Why give up everything? I guess it's a gradual thing. You want to do the right thing.life gets in the way. You try your best. You do stuff for you but it seems such an effort to keep it going , little bit gets chipped away every day without you noticing and before you know it you've let go of the things that were important to you
It's not right but I've let it happen. Just me?

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PussCatTheGoldfish · 21/10/2017 21:49

I yelled at mine to bugger off into the other room if they wanted to play, talk/ fight. That was to DH and DC (7&8).

I don't feel guilty in the slightest. If I made the same racket when Scooby Doo was on, or Gardeners World, I'd not hear the end of it.

Anyway, it worked. Happy days .

C8H10N4O2 · 21/10/2017 22:17

It's not right but I've let it happen

There are two adults in this relationship; why was your DH allowing this to happen? Or to put it another way if you saw your DH giving up everything piece by piece in this way would you have let it happen? Caring has to be both ways.

Honestly to me, this sounds like its about a lot more than SCD. You sound as if you need a bit of a reset and for the family to prioritise some of your needs.

It may be that booking yourself into a hotel for the odd weekend will help them realise this, but you are not doing them a favour by letting them be selfish and grow up thinking it is ok. Do it now, before they get older. And your DH should be helping you not ganging up with them.

HaHaHmm · 21/10/2017 22:22

Tell DH that he needs to take the kids put somewhere next week while it’s on. Don’t ask - tell.

SingingTunelessly · 21/10/2017 22:28

Every time they walk in front of the tv/interrupt you whatever, hit the pause button. Give them the stare of doom and just piss off look. Restart the tv. If it carries on yell at them to clear off. Put your feet up and don't feel bloody guilty about it. Tell DH that you're watching this and he needs to sort the children out so you're not disturbed. Give him the death stare at the same time. Your children are not tiny and need to know mum is entitled to watch a programme in peace. Basically, tell them all to bog off for a hour or so. You can do it and the world won't end. Honestly.

Original poster

isittooearlyforgin · 21/10/2017 22:31

Thank you singing I think I love you x

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Slimthistime · 21/10/2017 22:39

Take advice from Puss and tell them to bugger off

You do have choices. This is not about Strictly. Don't waste your life. I believe you only get one

Original poster

isittooearlyforgin · 21/10/2017 22:51

I guess my question is - do you ever feel you've lost yourself I the sacrifices you've made?

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Mrsjohnmurphy · 21/10/2017 23:00

You do sound like a bit of a martyr. Although my sister once forced me to watch strictly and I wanted to eat my own eyeballs to avoid the pure tedium, so I feel your family's pain.

Original poster

isittooearlyforgin · 22/10/2017 00:14

I have a very strong belief that the man you fall in live with, the man you marry is not the man who makes the best father. I wasn't looking for kind,caring and patient. I was strong and independent. I could look after myself. I was looking for clever and funny. It is a very different situation when you're married but who knows that when you first meet the love of your life. Being a great father isn't necessarily the same as what you expect from your boyfriend. So it slides and you have no one to blame but yourself.

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