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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like a massive failure

48 replies

Mammyloveswine · 20/10/2017 17:47

Before I start I just want to say that I am seeing my health visitor next week to discuss my concerns.

So my beautiful son is 21 months old and he is an absolute joy and delight. He is so happy, is very sociable, very loving and very active. He has just learnt to jump with two feet off the ground, joins in the actions to songs, follows instructions well and will bring me his coat/shoes etc if I ask. Can also do inset puzzles I independently.

However, his speech is almost non-existent. He has about 10 words (if that) and uses mostly gesture and sounds to communicate what he wants. He does babble.

His little friends of the same age however are suddenly talking all the time, my friends are always sending videos of them and the new words they say and my heart breaks with every new clip. We are due to all meet up soon and I just now my boy is going to stand out a mile.

I'm a primary school teacher trained in early years and whilst I know that children develop at different rates I feel like I've massively failed my baby. I went back to work (part-time) when h4 was 6 months but he has so much interaction (from me on an afternoon), my sister who has him when I'm at work (she's a childminder), my dh... We do everything to encourage him and like I say his understanding is brilliant and he is very sociable. But I just feel like a big fat failure.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting apart from the fact that I've just had a good cry and needed to get it all out!

It doesn't help that I'm 7 months pregnant and feeling guilty that I'll be spending even less time one on one with him.

OP posts:

UnbornMortificado · 20/10/2017 18:17

Are boys not statistically slower to talk then girls?

I'm sure I've read that in DD's information leaflets.

JustMarriedBecca · 20/10/2017 18:21

Einstein didn't speak until he was four.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 20/10/2017 18:33

@Mammyloveswine I am in almost exactly the same situation, DD3 is 24 months and has around 10 words. I feel like it's my fault and I should be doing more, but she's just not interested.

She being assessed for "Let's talk more" next Thursday by the HV and I'm so worried she will say DD is ''red" and needs immediate intervention.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 20/10/2017 18:33

He sounds pretty typical to me. Does he point? Does he focus on a book, toy etc along with you?

My dd's speech, after developing pretty gradually during her second year, suddenly exploded when she was 23 months or so. It's been very striking.

His comprehension sounds absolutely in place and that's the main thing, and if he babbles he can form and play with speech sounds. Does he make a variety of sounds, does the intonation sound like speech?

ChinchillaFur · 20/10/2017 18:37

Please don't worry. My dd barely had 10 words at 22 months. We were worried sick, went to SALT. By 2.5 yrs she was speaking in long, grammatically correct sentences, explanations etc and I have video of her singing Twinkle Twinkle verse & chorus! She is a proper chatterbox now at 8 yrs (and a perfectionist like her Mother!)

lookingbeyond40 · 20/10/2017 18:39

He says 10 words!!!!! He is talking!!

Please just stop stressing.

fatbottomgirl67 · 20/10/2017 18:39

My second child didn't speak till she was about 3. she never babbled or made much in the way of sounds. She was very happy and sociable. Walked at 9 months but was not interested in talking. She got it when she was ready. We had a couple of sessions with speech therapist which were helpful. Please don't worry. They all do it when they are ready. She is now 16. Bright and articulate - looking back can't believe I was worried. Unfortunately people can make you feel you are failing when you are not. Kids all do things at their own pace and not when the book says so. Please be kind to yourself he sounds like a cracking little chap

Jasmine1111 · 20/10/2017 18:42

He’s still very little.

My son had v few words at 21 months. I was like you concerned but by the time he was 2, all of a sudden it just clicked for him.

Don’t panic. And if his speech is delayed it is 100% not your faults.

Montsti · 20/10/2017 18:57

You're not a failure! I've got 4 kids (1 a newborn so obviously don't know what her speech development will be like) and my eldest and only son didn't speak until he was 2:5/3...he is 8 now and doesn't stop talking! Whereas dd1 & dd2 could form sentences etc...at 18 months...they're all different and in a few years you won't know which kids walked, talked etc...first...

Allthebestnamesareused · 20/10/2017 18:59

My son was like this, referred to speech therapy a little later and at the first appointment the speech therapist established it was a hearing problem.

Sorted by 2 lots of grommets and removal of adenoids and a lovely speech therapist who wouldn't sign him off until he was above average for his age because (her words) he is clearly aof above average intelligence so to leave him with average speech would leave him frustrated.

Original poster

Mammyloveswine · 20/10/2017 19:03

Thank you again everyone! He really is a little lush bucket... He enjoys noisy/feely books,will follow little instructions when we play games (e.g. arms up! Jump up and down), interacts and seeks praise for what he does by clapping and saying "Yay", he waves hello and goodbye, blows kisses... He cheers when the train comes, points to things he wants...he also eats well, sleeps well etc.

He really is a delightful little boy (I'm biased I know!) And it is purely this lack of speech that worries me. Will see what the hv says and just keep doing what we're doing.

OP posts:

BrieAndChilli · 20/10/2017 19:06

DS1 at 2 years and 3 months did not say a single word. He would point and say ugh.
By 2.5 he seemed to go overnight from not talking to talking like the rest of his peers. He could also read fluently by the time he was 3.

DD on the other hand by the time she was 18 months was talking away like a teenager!! She had brilliant vocab and conversation skills

We parented them both the same, we didn’t ‘fail’ DS. Don’t worry, just keep on making it interesting for him and barring any underlying medical issue he will eventually start talking. And even if it’s a medical issue you havnt failed him.

ElsaMars · 20/10/2017 19:11

Purely anecdotal but my DD and my friends DS who are a few weeks apart were very different around 2ish. Friends child hardly spoke and DD spoke loads but now they are 5, there's no difference whatsoever and hasn't been for a few years.

ElspethTascioni · 20/10/2017 19:15

My DS had only 2 words (apart from mama and dada) at 2. But suddenly at 2.5 could speak fluently. By the time he started school he was described as positively articulate and now at 11 is a very intelligent, well spoken lad. 21 months, when he has good comprehension, is definitely too early to worry!

Wightintheghoulies · 20/10/2017 19:17

At that age, my son said one word and made a few animal noises. Three months later (just turned 2), he has countless words and will make a genuine effort to repeat anything said to him. He's also learned to count to ten - if you told me he'd be doing that four months ago, I'd have laughed/cried in your face! I was this close to looking into speech therapy options. Obviously speak to whoever you need to, but do not feel like a failure - kids really do hit these milestones at different rates.

LittleBirdBlues · 20/10/2017 19:19

Another one here whose DS was a very late talker. He had almost no words by the time he turned two and the ones he did have were not very clear (strangers would struggle to understand him).

We went to a speech and language therapist who said that he had some immaturities in his pronunciation, but that this was entirely normal. She said that at this age they really mostly look out for communication problems - does he try to engage with others? Is he sociable through other mediums? It sounds like our DS very much does all that.

Still, I found the speech therapist extremely reassuring and can only recommend it! It was a drop in in one of our local children's centres.

My DS is now 3.9 and people often comment on what a chatty little boy he is. He loves talking to people, including strangers, and is very very communicative.

So try not to worry. It sounds like pure doing everything right!

I also now have a DD who has just turned two and she speaks really well already. Hey are all born different and they all catch up with each other eventually.

Original poster

Mammyloveswine · 21/10/2017 15:28

Well we went out with the other babies and my son was a complete nightmare just wanting to be down and screaming... very stressful! He did calm down when food turned up but I was staggered at the difference... all 3 other toddlers (all born within the same week) were chatting away... it just seemed so obvious the difference! I know I shouldn't compare but one of the other mums was saying proudly how her husbsbd had taught her son all his colours and I should "try it by pointing and saying them" (erm I'm not an idiot of course I point and name EVERYTHING!) And if course she's lovely and certainly didn't mean anything by it but again I just felt like a crap mother.. Will see what the health visitor says on weds and just focus on the positive.

Thank you again for sharing your stories lovely people! Definitely reinforces that all children are different xxx

OP posts:

2014newme · 21/10/2017 15:33

Could you make a private salt appointment?

hollie11 · 21/10/2017 15:37

I'm a childminder and have looked after many children and they are all different. Some are speaking tons at 2 yrs old and some are just starting to speak a few words......just like some children start to walk at 10/11 months and some don't start until 16 months......don't worry about it but if you are genuinely stressing out about it, make an appointment with the health visitor or gp nurse and they'll more than likely tell you the same thing! At least then you'll have peace of mind

angelsgirls · 21/10/2017 15:44

My dd had no words at 21 months, everything else way fine or above average but she just didn't talk would take your hand to get whatever she wanted, her understand was excellent though so she followed anything I said to her

She started talking just after her second birthday and within 2 months was saying everything

Ahardmanisgoodtofind · 21/10/2017 15:44

@everythingwillbeok is you friend in Wales?

gingerh4ir · 21/10/2017 15:54

Einstein didn't speak until he was four

why on earth do people feel the need to come out time and time again with this old chestnut? it really doesn't help those who worry about a non-talking child and most non verbal kids don't turn out to be a genius.

My child didn't talk at 4. she is severely disabled.

some talk earlier, some later and some never.

OP, if you are concerned talk to your HV or GP. it's not that uncommon that children don't say much at that age but as the mum of a largely non-verbal child I'd recommend to get him seen if you are worried.

If he is communicating well otherwise and can understand what you tell him/follow instructions, I really would not worry at that stage though.

Fortybingowings · 21/10/2017 15:58

Bless you, by all means get him assessed if you’re worried but he’s probably fine. My boy is 4and half. He’s been under SALT and ENT but since starting at reception, he’s suddenly just started to speak properly! I can’t help thinking he was always going to do it on his timescale rather than mine!

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