Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at way some men view their wives

29 replies

JaceLancs · 20/10/2017 09:24

Sat in a coffee shop waiting to meet a colleague just now
2 men at an adjoining table talking about going away on a golfing weekend
Man A asked man B if his wife was ok with being left at home (again) presumably looking after their DC, costs of said weekend were also mentioned
The reply was basically a politer version of that she should put up, shut up and put out
It wasn’t particularly what was said it was the impression that she was viewed as a commodity, he even talked about her smoking and drinking habits like he was commenting on an employees failings
Up to that point he had come across like Mr average respectable business man
Thankfully they left as I was very tempted to comment in some way (I’m old enough these days not to care about what response I would get - and am known for being fairly bold how)
It was just the everyday acceptance of the gulf between the sexes that hit me
Hope his wife is ok

OP posts:
Original poster
JaceLancs · 20/10/2017 09:25

That was bolshy not bold!

OP posts:
specialsubject · 20/10/2017 10:22

I'm shocked that some women marry and breed with arseholes. The lesson is not to do that.

Hopefully she will dump him - but there's nothing you can do about it.

Nettletheelf · 20/10/2017 10:40

I expect that he was showboating for his friend's benefit. Silly sod.

blackteasplease · 20/10/2017 10:44

Show boating that he was a dickhead? But only a dickhead would want to do that!

Original poster
JaceLancs · 20/10/2017 10:58

What a lovely expression ‘show boating’ I will be borrowing that one!
Although the other bloke didn’t challenge him - he didn’t look too impressed with the comments which did cheer me slightly

OP posts:
NoCryLilSoftSoft · 20/10/2017 10:59

Really? You’re shocked? Have you lived in a different world until now?

Nettletheelf · 20/10/2017 11:00

Agreed, but I expect that he was keen to show his friend that he wasn't 'under his wife's thumb'. Because there are only two options, you see. Under your wife's thumb or swaggering sexist.

MargaretTwatyer · 20/10/2017 11:01

He sounds a charmer but his wife doesn't sound much better. Can't be much fun being married to a heavy drinker. And I don't think a smoker has any right to complain if their partner spends money on healthy leisure pursuits.

WorraLiberty · 20/10/2017 11:03

A lot of men do treat their wives and partners like shit, yes most definitely.

But you've assume a lot from that conversation...about the fact she'll be looking after the kids (if they have any) and for all we know, her drinking and smoking could be costing them a fortune, so why shouldn't he spend money on his hobby.

I'm glad you didn't comment, as it's none of your business and you could have made a complete tit of yourself.

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 20/10/2017 11:05

It doesn’t say the wife is a heavy drinker or complained about his leisure pursuits.

PoeDameronLovesFinn · 20/10/2017 11:10

If this shocks you then for goodness' sake don't look at some of the threads about husbands on this site. Some of the language used by women to describe husbands/partners would turn your hair white.

Autumnfalling · 20/10/2017 11:12

Always amazed at the shock of how men really are.

One bloke at work refers to her indoors “stirring the beans in her tracksuit” as a reason to go out on the piss all the time.

Another talks about “credits” he has to earn to be allowed to go out and golf/drink/live the life he actually wants without bothering with wifework. Credits are putting kids to bed, helping out, spending the day with his kids. All a means to an end of doing what he wants.

Cunts to a man

MargaretTwatyer · 20/10/2017 11:15

If he complained about his wife's drinking the implication is she's a heavy drinker. And the OP says that they were discussing if she had complained about the cost. She might not have complained, but there's certainly the implication there that if she didn't it's because she had no right to because of her spending on her own habits.

It's interesting, some people will get very angry about women being badly treated in a relationship. But apparently here we have a man who is complaining to a friend about his wife's behaviour and apparently he should be shutting up and covering up her behaviour because otherwise he is treating his wife 'like an employee'.

The 'putting out' comment is pretty horrible, but the OP does say it was politer and she has exaggerated it for effect. He might be quite unpleasant bringing the sex into it, but essentially he's confiding in his friend about what sounds like a pretty unpleasant relationship from all sides. I suppose there is the possibility that she drinks one glass of wine a week, but realistically it doesn't really sound like it.

Slimthistime · 20/10/2017 11:16

I'm with Germaine Greer on this one, a lot of women don't realise how much men hate them

When I was growing up, the running "joke" was that WIFE = washing, ironing, fucking, etc

I think it's still applicable in many cases now.

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 20/10/2017 11:17

If he complained about his wife's drinking the implication is she's a heavy drinker.

No, implication being he has a problem with her drinking. Not necessarily that she is a heavy drinker.

whiskyowl · 20/10/2017 11:28

I think shock is the right response. Just because it's common doesn't mean we shouldn't be fucking outraged by these pigs.

BigFactHunt · 20/10/2017 11:29

Some men say exaggerated things about their OHs to their friends, as do some women. For every story you could relay about men talking about their wives, you could find something equally appealing on MN with women talking about their husbands.

Neither is right, but it’s sexist of you to make this an anti-male thread when you could easily have been gender neutral and written “To be shocked at how some people talk about their OHs”.

whiskyowl · 20/10/2017 11:44

I've never seen a thread on Mumsnet where a woman says a bloke should put up, shut up and put out! Never.

Schtinkay · 20/10/2017 11:50

Oh come on.

We all know that many men treat their wives/partners terribly and that a fair percentage of men have a low opinion of women full stop.

Why can we never have a thread about this without posters coming on to see "oh but women too..."? Must we always point out the bleeding obvious that some women don't behave admirably either?

It wouldn't happen with roles reversed on a male-driven site.

0liveGreen · 20/10/2017 12:01

I’d be interested how the bloke who asked the question reacted. If he had an extremely low opinion of women he probably wouldn’t have asked the question. Were they friends or colleagues? How strong did he think their friendship was. It takes a lot more confidence to challenge someone in real life than on the internet.

It doesn’t detract from the total arseish behaviour of the other bloke.

Original poster
JaceLancs · 20/10/2017 12:02

It’s hard to get across the feeling behind the conversation - in answer to one or two posts above I’m not easily shocked quite the reverse and do read many similar threads on here - but somehow this was way beyond anything I’ve ever come across
As I said it’s very hard to describe - perhaps as another poster said some men really do hate women - in which case why marry?
Obviously I wasn’t going to relate the entire conversation, but yes there were DC that she would be looking after whilst he was away golfing - not unusual at all - it was the way he spoke about her that shocked me

OP posts:
NoCryLilSoftSoft · 20/10/2017 12:08

in which case why marry?

Because women are very useful. Look at the post above for example which states “WIFE= washing, ironing, fucking, etc.” The etc isn’t small stuff. It’s the cooking, the child rearing, the admin, the cleaning, the mental work. Wives are staff that you don’t have to pay, respect, speak professionally to. Added bonus, you get to use their vaginas whenever you like.

You think I’m joking? You’ve just described the man who thinks like this in your OP.

brasty · 20/10/2017 12:40

Yes a good number of men do not respect their wives at all.

JemimaLovesHamble · 20/10/2017 14:35

I've sat near some horrible men on the morning commute, comparing last nights client-impressing strippers' boobs to their wives', sneering about any/all women they work with. Sometimes I'd walk to work wondering why they even bothered with women when they seemed to hate them so much and love their male friends so much...

DamnSummerCold · 20/10/2017 17:05

Ms/Mr/Mrs Shocked has left the building in my case, and did so several years ago

As I have said in other posts I'm a ex-HCP, the things people/patients will tell you are heartbreaking.

And on the flip side the behavior you were expected to put up with was disgusting, I & a colleague were labeled as troublemakers because I report another colleague to the police.

He pinned me in a corner and lifted me off my feet by grabbing my throat, in other words tried to strangle me. I had bad bruises on my neck for weeks.

This was in work; in the staff room, on a hospital ward; because I refused to swap a shift with him...

My colleague and 2 others walked in, she supported me and suffered because of it .

It was ok for him to have the next few days of because of his 'trauma' of being reported to the police, I was pulled up by HR for having 2 shifts off, and then again because patients found my bruising 'disturbing'...It was suggested i covered them.

We have both left the NHS, the other 2, one male, said I must have done something to provoke it 'cause he was such a nice guy...the other, single Mum of 3, with arse of ex, apologised but said she couldn't risk been labeled as a troublemaker (which I get and is all a part of it)

When I raped I was told I must have misunderstood...
'Cause the nuances of a man forcing his penis in to you while you're crying and screaming No No No is so difficult...
He's a nice guy wasn't it just regretted sex??
Said one of my friends (male) who I actually thought was a good one.

The rape I didn't report to the police but I overheard a conversation in the social club, claiming I only pretend to be a 'good girl' but I was easy as fuck....

Younger, I used to do waitress-ing (not proper Sliver Service) and the shit you overheard, and this was from the ones that didn't try to manhandle you, you know the 'nice' ones

A larger section of men hate women, for whatever reason

(I say large section in the hope to prevent NAMDT or whatever it is)

Swipe left for the next trending thread