Visit to DF/SM's - AIBU

[summer25]

OK ... so my relationship with my DF has never been great. My DM died 9 years ago and things have got even worse. He remarried very quickly. He has always been pretty obsessed with body image/food and exercise, so much so that I think he was partly responsible for the fact I had an eating disorder when I was younger. Since he got remarried, him and his wife have spent the majority of their time cycling. They go out every single day and go away on cycling holidays all the time. Fair play to them if that’s what they enjoy!

Anyway ... I don’t see much of them and am always wary about being hurt by my DF’s words and actions. Last week, he phoned and asked if we’d like to visit. Seeing as the kids don’t see much of him, I thought it would be nice to go up for a few days.

So .. we arrived yesterday at around 1.30pm. We told them we would stop on the way for a drink. When we arrived, we were offered a cup of tea but nothing to eat (they skip lunch every day). We went to see my Mum’s grave and by the time we got to a cafe, they’d stopped serving lunch and all we got was a stale scone.

Ever since my DF first got in touch, he’d mentioned us all going on a bike ride, not something I was particularly looking forward to tbh as their idea of fun is a 50 mile ride! So it was all set for today, a short 20 mile ride! My DD was in bits and was incredibly anxious about going. It was pouring rain so we ended up going for a game of badminton instead but my SM basically sulked because we weren’t going for the cycle. My DD in the meantime was delighted.

So again today, two slices of toast for breakfast and no mention or sign of lunch. I bought my kids a sandwich after badminton after 3pm!

So now they’re speaking about going on this cycle tomorrow instead even though I’d booked tickets for the cinema a couple of days ago. My DF actually said to my son “but going to the cinema’s not exercise”. My DS answered “but it’s more fun”. LOL!!!

So my question is AIBU to expect to be offered lunch and also to want them to lay off about the bloody bike ride? What do you think?

If you don't see them often then they probably don't understand what your family is used to doing.
I would bluntly but politely tell them you have growing kids so you need to feed them lunch as it's good for them. And remind them they are getting a chance to spend time with grandchildren so they should join in with what the kids like.

The children need lunch even if your DF and SM are used to not eating mid-day. As Handsfull has pointed out -they are growing rapidly and need the calories - also, they have small tummies so cannot consume a huge amount at any one meal (in relation to what they need) even if they want to. They need frequent, smaller, balanced meals and healthy snacks between times - especially if they are physically active (badminton/ cycling).

They have invited you to their home - surely they should make you welcome by ensuring that you have a pleasant time with them. Isn't that what hosts do when they have guests?

I would suggest you stop wasting headspace on hoping for things that you already know aren't going to happen. Your dad and his wife are self-absorbed notes with horrible hosting skills, and that isn't going to change. Tell them thanks but no thanks, you aren't going for a bike ride, you're going to the cinema, but they are more than welcome to pedal to Timbuktu and back as you and the kids will be fine. Also, find a nice restaurant to have a good lunch and enjoy your day!

BORES not *notes. Damn phone.

You need to insist the children have lunch.

Take them out to do so if necessary.

As for the cycling they are basically forcing their hobby on you. A 20mile ride might be nothing to them but hell for someone on (likely) lesser bikes and not the same muscular development.

Go to the cinema as planned. If they want a ride out that’s fine. You don’t have to go.

Frankly I’d avoid visiting. They sound very ungracious, self centred and controlling.

Thanks everyone. It’s good to hear that you all feel the same way. Just one more day and a good one and then we can go home again. Won’t e rushing back!!