TMI - friend's wife's impending birth

[Sprinklestar]

Had a text from friend re his wife's latest check up. Baby due imminently. But did he really need to share how many centimetes dilated she already is? Isn't that a bit too personal?! And would his wife really want all and sundry to know the state of her nethers? Maybe I'm old fashioned but in my day, you went to the hospital, gave birth, and that was that. There was no examination in the weeks leading up to the birth to tell you if you'd started dilating yet. And there was certainly no need to share any of this info with your team in the workplace!

Well I never knew that about some women being dilated weeks before.

Took me about 36 hours of agonising backache labour to get to a poxy 3cm the first time. Hey ho.

Why is it TMI, because its alluding to Lady Bits?

It is context. It might not be TMI for the woman in question, the OH, the IL's, the parents. But probably TMI for colleagues of the father to be. They will no doubt be treated to a blow by blow account of the whole process until the proverbial potty training if they do not do something about him now.

TheFirstMrsDV, it's tmi because it's unnecessary information, it's also quite rude to presume the person you're speaking to wants to know that level of information.

Most people only want to know the general stuff, and at the end that baby has arrived/all doing well. Generally people don't wish to know how engaged the head is, how many cm gone they are, if plug/waters have gone yet. Family members most likely do, very close friends perhaps. Everyone else, really the most basic information will do, it's not ok to presume everyone wants to know more than 'we're having a baby, it's a boy/girl, it's due x, it's here - name/weight/all that jazz'.

The cervix dilates during all vaginal births. It's not private medical information, really, is it? It's just a description of what everyone knows is actually happening.

Private medical information would be like "X is 8cm dilated but her bad dose of gonorrhea is making things a bit trickier than we anticipated"

He is probably just excited and letting his work team know the baby is likely if she is already dilating.

..to be early...

To me it’s tmi and my husband wouldn’t do it. If I received a message like that I might raise my eyebrows a bit but I wouldn’t go to the effort of starting a thread about it frothing about how ‘it was better in my day’

Wait unr

"I don't know how old you are but it was very normal to say things like 'she is xx dilated/head is engaged/waters have broken' in my day and I am 50!"

Yes, but you might not expect your OH to pass that on to a work colleague.

Until after the birth. You will be if he overshares

I don't think I'd want that sort of information to be shared, not so much because it's personal, more because it's not really very interesting to anyone else and he's in danger of boring people with baby news before it's even born.

I agree.
I would consider it not particularly interesting information to anyone except the couple involved.

"Actually, I don't think yabu, I'm quite surprised you've had these responses so far."

Same here. I don't don't find it the least bit embarrassing, but I wouldn't like it if my husband was telling all and sundry. None of my family knew when I was in labour. We just rang them after DD was born.

I'd be mortified if my DH told his colleagues I was going into labour never mind how many cm dilated! People can find out what they need to know after the baby is born. Nobody apart from me and the midwife need to know how dilated I am

It's just a description of what everyone knows is actually happening.

Still doesn't need to be spelt out, does it? No one really needs the imagination of Jim's wife's dilated cervix in their minds eye. I mean if Jim rang in sick saying he had a stomach virus, would that need to be translated to everyone else in the office as 'Jim has an extraordinary case of diarrhoea. He will update hourly on the volume of excrement exiting his body'.

People aren't dim about the biological process of birth, doesn't mean we have to nod and smile politely as we hear about how Linda is going through it all for the next few weeks.

YANBU. All this over sharing lark. FFS what is private anymore?

Agree with you, OP. This is medical information and something that doesn't need to be shared. I wouldn't have been impressed if my husband had told anyone that kind of thing (not that it would have meant anything to him anyway) , and I don't want to know anyone else's medical details either, thanks.

I work as the office manager for a building maintenance company. All my colleagues are men. The wife of one of them had a baby last year - I asked how she was. His reply was that she and I quote ‘she’s lost her plug, it was like a chewed up wine gum’ - now THATS TMI and it did make our apprentice gip but personally I think your friends husband is just very excited and sees it all as part and parcel of giving birth - which it is and if I was your friend I wouldn’t have cared less!

If he had said 'she is doing ok apart from the shocking discharge' I would be ewwwing with the rest of you

But its quite normal in the context of what stage a pregnant woman is at isn't it?

I'm struggling to see how it's mortifying for others to know how dilated you are. I too think it's just a stage of labour everyone is familiar with. It gives a rough guide as to how imminent the birth is. It's a vague reference to the cervix.

When I gave birth, I had legs up in stirrups and 2 doctors and students come in to look up there and exchange pleasantries, so I may have lost all ability to feel mortified then.

I find it more off putting when couples you don't know well announce "We're TTC!" I'm never sure what to reply.

But its quite normal in the context of what stage a pregnant woman is at isn't it?

Yes, but still doesn't need to be said, does it? I don't understand why it's ok to bring up unnecessary detail of pregnancy and birth just because there's a baby at the end of it. We all know what happens and how. Anything from dilating to mucus plugs or even how many days past ovulation you peed on a stick or the position you were in when the baby was convinced, just no. Nobody really cares to know, even if it doesn't involve bodily fluids and even with a lovely baby at the end.

"It's just a description of what everyone knows is actually happening."

I'm going to start announcing on Mumsnet/IRL/everywhere when I've passed urine or a bowel movement or changed my pad or blown my nose or passed wind. After all, "it's just a description of what everyone knows is actually happening".

I find it more off putting when couples you don't know well announce "We're TTC!" I'm never sure what to reply.

As opposed to all pleasantries when talking about a woman's expanding cervix . 'Oh excellent, isn't that lovely. Soon her mucus plug will go, and the baby will make its way down her birth canal. Delightful news, keep me updated! I'd love to know what degree tear she may have, and if she needs stitches!'.

Just because the person talking has lost all sense of normal social conversation due to baby-brain, doesn't mean that the person they're speaking to has.

I think that there is SO much talk of bodily functions when you are pregnant that it becomes a normal part of your daily vocabulary even if you would never have mentioned anything about that sort of stuff before.
Pretty much every time someone talks to you they are asking about your boobs or your bowels or something. The whole world seems obessesed with TMI

So I can't be too hard on excited expectant couples.

YANBU. Sharing with colleagues how dilated your wife is is way tmi