To think this is a bit much?

[rubums]

A uni friend from down south is coming up north near to where I live for his hobby and suggested a meet up. As I live rurally I offered my sofa to crash on on the Saturday night after he'd spent the day doing his hobby. I said I'd cook tea and we could have a catch up. He's just messaged me saying 'seeing as I haven't seen you for ages, I'll forget the hobby on Saturday, come up Friday, I've booked a meal at so and so (my treat) and then we can do something Saturday and stay in sat night'.

I feel really uncomfortable now. The restaurant he's randomly booked is where I used to go with my ex on special occasions and I can't even visit there with my family anymore because it upsets me. Also on the sat I'm out and about doing my own thing in the day as I didn't think I had a guest to 'entertain'. And then staying Saturday is all a bit much. I was looking forward to a catchup on the Saturday night but now I feel like he's coming up from down south to spend a weekend with me and I'm not really comfortable doing that, especially as he's taking me out to dinner. How do I broach this without looking like an ungrateful bitch? I'm also annoyed because I thought we were just good friends but the tone of the weekend seems to be slightly more than that and I don't know if he'll expect anything? I don't know, aibu in thinking this is a bit much?

Be clear. Tell him you have plans friday and saturday daytime so no can do. Do it quickly.

Be honest - as lovely as it sounds you already have plans on the day so no need for him to ditch hobby. You’re busy the Friday night - what a shame you didn’t ask me first.

Text him back and say sorry I'm busy, I can see you Saturday night.

Tell him you have other plans and need to stick to the original arrangement. Do it soon.

Just tell him you're busy so no. It's his fault for just deciding instead of asking you.

Sorry should have added it's not tomorrow!! It's a few weeks away. But yeah I was planning on saying I'm busy but can stick to the Saturday. I don't know though, I feel a bit disappointed like the whole thing was engineered and he was never doing his hobby on the Saturday. Does it look like that?

I would have the same suspicions as you OP. It would make me uncomfortable about the whole visit. And it would also make me worry that even if you said no to the new plan but still ok for Sat night, he might then hang around on Sunday.

Probably if it was me I'd look for a way to cancel the whole thing.

Text him back now and say “I have plans Friday night and Saturday so go ahead to your hobby as planned and i’ll See you on Saturday night for tea at mine”

Yes, what NoCry said. Just get it out there straight away, plain and simple.

He just wants to invite himself to spend the whole weekend with you, bet there never was any 'hobby'.

Run

I would be uncomfortable that this had just been dropped on me with no discussion too. No Cry’s text is good.

Okay I'll say I'm busy the Friday and sat but can stick to the Saturday night. But blank and yan have confirmed my fears and it's left a bad taste in my mouth! I'm not an idiot and I don't want him thinking I'm naive and that he can 'trick' me into spending a weekend with me. I really hope he doesn't think there's anything romantic going on. We work in a small industry and are starting a distance learning course together next year. We'll have to spend 4 weekends together over the period of a year so I don't want anything to be awkward because I really do not see him in that way.

Will the weekends be with other people and on neutral ground? You could still cancel the visit to your place if that feels most comfortable, but be friendly with him during the course and if you meet for other work stuff.