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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To uninvite someone from baby shower

32 replies

itsallbeige · 18/10/2017 18:08

Here’s the back story. She is my manager and was one of my best friends. We was really close would see each other at work everyday and then spend an evening in the week together or at the weekend spend the day together whilst my DS and her DD played together. Anyway, we both come off contraception at the same time. I got pregnant first month (6 months ago) she’s still trying as far as know. Ever since i told her I was pregnant (twins) she has been nothing but horrible. She told me I’d probably end up on my own because me and partner went through a little rough patch when we first met and I’d be left on my own to raise the babies. She then text a mutual friend of ours saying it’s not even one baby it’s f two. I do understand how hard it must be because it took me a long time to conceive DS. I reviled that I would having two girls in the office at work and she just walked out an sat in a different office. Not once has she said congratulations. I had reduced movement and went to the hospital. As she’s my manager I had to text her to let her know what was going on and she said ‘oh so they’ve found IT, good stuff’. My baby shower is Sunday and I invited her not wanting to leave anyone out but now it’s getting closer I think it will be just awkward for the both of us. Sad thing is I really miss her and our friendship. I really want to enjoy this special day and this will probably be my last pregnancy.

OP posts:
moaningmummyoftwo · 18/10/2017 19:15

Uninvite, not uninvited.

Callamia · 18/10/2017 19:17

From the other side, it is awful to go to a baby shower (fullstop) when your own baby-stuff isn't going your way.

We have no idea what this woman has been through, but she may have experienced miscarriage or be feeling very down about trying with no luck. I went to my sister-in-law's baby shower after a miscarriage, and I hated every second. It wasn't her fault, but it felt like an entire afternoon of personalised misery.

This doesn't excuse or really explain her rudeness to you - and I think having a word with her might be a sensible idea if you do value your friendship and want to get it back.

HaHaHmm · 18/10/2017 19:25

Baby showers are supposed to be for your first pregnancy only.

Regardless - the kindest thing would be to be the bigger person and talk to her. Don't uninvite, but do tell her that you hope she is OK and that you would completely understand if she would prefer not to come, giving her a way out if she wants it.

MrLovebucket · 18/10/2017 19:30

Are you in America?

If not then YABU to have a 'baby shower'

GimmeChocolate101 · 18/10/2017 19:38

Baby showers aren’t enshrined in law. U can have as many of them as u like.

As for inviting your manager, I don’t think uninviting is a good idea. Either talk to her and explain how upsetting she is being or arrange to have someone keep her away from you as much as poss on the day. I don’t think she will show anyway

WineGummyBear · 18/10/2017 19:43

Try to show some empathy and generosity of spirit by giving her the benefit of the doubt. She's potentially hurting badly from secondary infertility and your upset that she didn't say congratulations?

mrsRosaPimento · 18/10/2017 21:23

I got pg before two friends and neither of them behaved so appallingly. Yes, empathy blah blah, but it is awful the comments she made about the lack of movement.
However baby showers are really grabby.

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