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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Turning up early for lessons

27 replies

Flippetydip · 18/10/2017 16:10

DH is a music teacher. He had a lesson booked for 4pm today. I got home with the kids at 3.30pm. His student and student's mother turned up at 3.45pm and came to the door. DH gets back from another lesson at 3.55pm

It was fine and I offered student toast with our kids and mother tea etc but I then felt obliged to stay and chat whereas I normally leave ours to their own devices as I work from home mumsnet. I thought about it and thought I would probably have waited in the car for 10 minutes until 3.55pm. AIBU thinking this and do I just suck it up each week? It won't kill me I know.

OP posts:
Backoff85 · 18/10/2017 16:14

I think its really cheeky when its someones home. Just dont answer door next tkme.

my2bundles · 18/10/2017 16:18

Sometimes it carnt be avoided. I usually arrive at my child's music lesson around 15 mins early as we go on public transport so no car to sit in. We usually wait in the garden while the teacher is with another pupil.

puddingpen · 18/10/2017 16:19

Did they come in a car? If they haven't driven they might get there early because of public transport and it does seem unfair for them to wait outside. You shouldn't need to entertain them though. Just make them a quick drink and leave them to it? Can't they wait in the room where the music lesson happens?

Original poster
Flippetydip · 18/10/2017 16:19

Yeah, they offered to wait in the garden - which would have been too weird. But they definitely came in a car; I could totally have understood public transport.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flippetydip · 18/10/2017 16:20

Doesn't that seem really unfriendly to just bung them in the music room? Maybe that's the answer.

OP posts:
RavingRoo · 18/10/2017 16:20

I think next time don’t open the door if you wfh. They are your dh’s clients and shouldn’t be allowed to pop in when he’s not around.

LadyDeLaFuente · 18/10/2017 16:20

This annoys the hell out of me especially when I only have 10 minutes to wolf down some lunch between classes! I just don't answer the door but text to say I'm in the middle of an online class and will open the door when I finish (i.e. at their correct start time). Then, face-to-face, I make a point of being apologetic and saying I'm afraid it's just impossible to get to the door before the official start time due to a previous class. Always works.

In your situation, I wouldn't answer the door and would get DH to say something.

fairyofallthings · 18/10/2017 16:22

They should have waited in the car. Arriving early is fine as long as they wait in the car; they probably allowed time for traffic which is what they should do to avoid turning up late.

LadyDeLaFuente · 18/10/2017 16:23

By the way, I live in a small flat so can't let them wait anywhere. If I had a house like you, I'd bung them in a room and offer a drink while waiting. They'd probably also prefer that instead of having to make small talk.

SentimentalLentil · 18/10/2017 16:23

Your dh needs to have a thing on his correspondence saying something along the line of 'as lessons are held in a private residence admittance to lessons will be five minutes before the class and you cannot be accommodated before'

bigbluebus · 18/10/2017 16:23

Just make it clear to them that there is no point in arriving early as your DH is not there. They either need to delay their arrival or wait in the car. No way do you want to be making tea and toast for them every week. Get your DH to speak to them about it.

BenLui · 18/10/2017 16:27

Don’t offer them toast and tea!!

It’s not about being friendly, it’s a business relationship. Next time ask them to wait in the music room, suggest the child sets up and practices.

What if any other lesson had been in progress?

My DC’s music teacher has a note on the door for students to let themselves into the hall and get their instrument set up while they wait. She is quite specific that students shouldn’t arrive more than 5 mins ahead of time.

Get your DH to ask them not to come early. It’s pretty standard.

SilverSpot · 18/10/2017 16:28

Yeah just bung them in the music room and tell them DH will be with them for 3.55

Original poster
Flippetydip · 18/10/2017 16:31

Yes DH has already said something - I heard him as they went in explaining that there's no way he can be back any earlier. I will chuck them in the dining room/music room next time.

OP posts:
LadyinCement · 18/10/2017 16:39

Hopefully this is a one-off if it was student's first lesson. I think your dh should send a text "to all clients" (even if it's only sent to this particular pupil's parent) reminding students that they should arrive no earlier than 5 mins before lesson.

I got annoyed recently when the person having a piano lesson after dd kept arriving 10-15 minutes before dd's lesson ended. There was all the kerfuffle of ringing the doorbell and the teacher getting up and letting them in, the mum fussing round, etc etc. I didn't say anything, but clearly the teacher did because they waited outside this week until we came out.

Jaxhog · 18/10/2017 16:51

It's a business arrangement. They wait in their car, outside, or you put them in the music room (if its free). No tea, no toast. And DH asks them not to arrive more than 5 mins before the lesson.

Or you could put a bench outside the front door, and they could wait there!

Aintgotnosoapbox · 18/10/2017 16:52

Ask dh to communicate that all students can arrive five minutes prior to a lesson at the earliest. It's up to him to sort it out .
Don't offer food- one extreme to the other!

Witchend · 18/10/2017 16:53

Tell them they can't come in until the lesson time.
I didn't drive and used to walk dd1 down to her music lesson from school and then hang around and walk home again.
Usually due to the school finish time we'd be hanging around for about 10-15 minutes before it started. Not particularly nice in cold weather, but not fair on the teacher otherwise.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 18/10/2017 16:53

It would be very strange not to answer the door, but they can wait outside in the car or in music room.

Sirzy · 18/10/2017 16:53

I am always early to everything but if I was going to an appointment in someone’s home, or somewhere without an obvious waiting area I would sit in my car until the appointment time

Original poster
Flippetydip · 18/10/2017 16:56

It's the first time it's happened for any of his students. Most turn up at the allotted time, on their own (parents presumably wait in the car) and then leave. No interaction with me at all. This mum comes in and stays and records the lesson apparently. Slightly odd set-up.

I will be less "friendly" next time. I guess it's because it's our home I feel bound to be hospitable - which I'm aware is ridiculous.

OP posts:
EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck · 18/10/2017 16:57

We're always horrendously early for everything, because I'd be mortified if I was late. We go by Uber to DD's class, if we couldn't wait there we'd probably go for a walk.

NorthStarGrassman · 18/10/2017 18:26

I have music lessons in my teacher's home and am really really conscious of this! I drive so I sit in the car watching the clock and try to ring the doorbell at exactly the time of the lesson. Don't want to put her out by being early but also don't want to appear unpunctual Blush

Arrowfanatic · 18/10/2017 18:42

I run a club (not in my home) and we arrive 15 minutes before the lesson to set up. We have one parent who is always there with her kid before we arrive so she strolls in as we unlock the hall and it's awkward as we need to get changed etc. Then at the end of the lesson she never bloody leaves either and we need to clear up and change and lock up by a certain time. Drives me potty.

Ewanwhosearmy · 18/10/2017 18:43

We go to a music lesson in someone's house, and as others have said we sit in the car until a couple of minutes before the lesson time.

I don't agree that it's odd that mum stays though. Safeguarding? I would hugely prefer that DD went in on her own but it puts the young male teacher in a difficult position being alone with a young girl, so I have to sit there.