By leaving my 6 week old daughter overnight..

[Nadia54321]

My baby girl is 4 weeks old and lives with me and my OH. I’m due to go away for the night for a friends birthday do when she is 6 weeks old. I have paid the deposit to the hotel and it’s about an hour and a half commute by train to my house and my friends are all really looking forward for me to attend as we have not had a social outing in just under a year. I’ve been out of the loop all of this year due to being pregnant and haven’t really had a social life so this will be my first big night out since she’s been born. However on the same night it is my OHs best friends engagement party and he is due to be best man so has to attend party. He’s asked if he can have the night off to drink there and if perhaps my mother can look after her overnight. I’m getting full blown seperation fear about this and really can’t bear the thought of being so far away from her for over 24 hours. What do I do? I know my friend would be massively disappointed if I let her down (none of my friendship groups have babies so wouldn’t fully understand) and I have a feeling I’d be the outcast from then on for refusing to attend. I just don’t think I will enjoy myself one bit being so far away. Am I just being an over paranoid new parent? does it get any easier?

She’s only 6 weeks old. It is perfectly reasonable not to want to leave her and a good friend will understand.

What do YOU want to do?

You won't get a sensible answer here - 50% would jump at the chance of a night out, 50% will have anxiety seperation fears. Combine into that you DP - "how dare he go to stag do", juxtopposed to 'its yourbaby you look after it/your mother brought you up swhy should she bring your kids up. no to mention the whimical 'I wish I had a baby sitter'.

If you want to go, go, if you don't then don't.

I'd be off like a shot, I'm sure your mother is more than capable

A good friend would understand, but equally, your baby will be fine with your mother. Do what you think it best.

You wouldn't be unreasonable either way. If you do go its not like you're leaving her with a stranger. If you don't want to leave her that's your prerogative

How well does your baby know your mother?

I looked after my grandson when he was 2 weeks old. If you'd appreciate the night off, and have no qualms about your mum looking after your baby, then give it some consideration. If you decide you can't leave your baby, then it's fair enough.

I agree with Sloe. Go if you think you'll enjoy it don't if you don't think you will. My mum had both my babies over night from 2 weeks old. We dropped them over just before their bath time about 6pm and picked them up about 9am. It was great to get a full night's sleep! If you decide to go I hope you have a great time and if you decide not to go then don't feel bad on your friends, your baby is still tiny.

^ You won't get a sensible answer here - 50% would jump at the chance of a night out, 50% will have anxiety seperation fears.^

This exactly. There is no right or wrong answer.

I couldn’t leave either of my two until they were well over a year because I didn’t see the point in putting myself through the angst and knew I wouldn’t enjoy myself. I still get a touch of it now and they’re three and five!

But others happily leave theirs overnight at grandparents from weeks old. Both are perfectly acceptable and are no comment on anyone’s parenting skills or commitment.

One thing I would say though...would you be less anxious/more likely to enjoy yourself if she was left in the care of your DP rather than grandparents? In which case, I would suggest he should probably give up his event to let you go to yours. You’ve been out if the loop for a while and could probably do with some adult conversation if your days are currently spent with a newborn.

@ElphabaTheGreen exactly that re DP. It was planned all along that he would look after her which made me feel better as he’s been there with me and her every day since she was born. My mother who lives about half hour away has only seen her a few times and I would have to run her through everything that my LO needs where as DP knows everything already. I may have a chat with him to see.

Your mum could stay with the baby in the hotel room?

I empathise entirely

Your mum could stay with the baby in the hotel room

Doesn't sound like much fun for her though.

I really think the DP should be saying no to the party here. But I suspect that won't happen. Can you speak to him about how you feel?

As between going to the party and your Mum having the baby it really is down to how you feel about it.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin pretty much summed up how this thread would go in one hit.

YANBU to leave your 6 week old baby for the night at all and certainly not with your mum, even better if you're not nursing so you don't have to deal with massive inflating boobs, leakage and pumping.

Also remember that your mum managed to keep you alive so she's done it all before with a baby (assuming there are no special formula/acid reflux/high needs to consider).

YANBU to feel anxious about it either though.

I ended up having my friends DD aged 5 weeks overnight. Her husband was due to have her whilst she went to an event in the evening. Unfortunately, he fell ill the day before and was in no fit state to care for her. Friend asked me if i'd have DD and she'd leave the event earlier than planned and come and get her and go home.

Cut a long story short, there was a problem with the trains and friend couldn't get back (she had a hotel booked as it was due to be overnight) so she came and collected her at 10am the next morning. I offered to book a cab and take DD to friend in the evening, but she said she'd spoken to her DH and both agreed it was easiest for her to stay with me.

If not for the problems, I wouldn't have had her overnight as friend didn't want to leave her when she was so tiny without her or DH. All was fine, I had a lovely night of tiny baby snuggles, friend enjoyed herself and her DH got a good nights sleep!

I had her again 3 weeks later
Your friends will understand. Your baby will also be fine with your mum. It's completely your choice.

Congratulations on baby

So long as she can bottle feed at night (a lot of breastfed babies reject the bottle) and you trust your DM I don't see the problem.

Redglitter - who said babysitting a 6 week old was fun! It's just helping her daughter surely

He doesn't have to attend the engagement party.

You've got a night out & he said he would stay in & look after his baby.

I think that he should tbh.

If you really don't want to leave her though then don't.

Your DP shouldn't be going to the party. Yours was booked in first...it's unfair of him to even suggest it and I would be seriously pissed off.

He does not have to go to this party whatever he says. It is an engagement party. The bride and the groom have to be there...the best man really doesn't.

Sloe

Perfect summery.

Op we had our grandchildren overnight from 3 weeks. Your mum
Will obviously cope if she’s happy to have her.

Your dh should go out as it’s a special do.

This is your call. If you really wouldn’t enjoy it don’t go but if you are just nervous but think you could cope go for it.

As pps have said there’s no right answer. It’s your choice.

OH new baby snuggles! Broody for another grandchild

Tell you DH to get over himself and stay home with the baby, he agreed to that and he can't just change the plans because he thinks he's more important. You'll probably end up feeling a lot better knowing baby is with her dad as well, then go and let your hair down!

lethaldrizzle Most grandparents I know would jump at the chance to baby sit their baby grandchild. I think to expect someone to have to sit in a hotel room all evening to do it is unfair. Its very different to babysitting in your own home.