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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish that, just for once, there would be a programme made about low functioning autistic people?

206 replies

SharkiraSharkira · 17/10/2017 23:35

I admit this is a sensitive subject for me as I have a 'low functioning' autistic child but....

I think it's great that ASD is becoming more well known and more understood, so to speak. People know more about it, are willing to talk about it. They are happier to portray it in TV and movies. This is all good as it gives the condition more exposure.

However. It always seems to be the same kind of autism portrayed. The high functioning ones. The ones who are savants or gifted at something. The ones who can have relationships, jobs, and live independently. This was all triggered by an advert for a new drama I saw who's main character is a brilliant doctor/surgeon who happens to be autistic.

But I can't recall ever seeing a programme or film (admittedly I haven't seen them all) that shows the other side of autism. The ones who headbang or are incontinent. The ones who cannot live independently or have a job, ever.

I'm not saying that programmes about higher functioning ASD are bad, just that it would be nice to see on screen a situation/person that relates to ASD that is vaguely familiar. So many of them, as a parent of someone who is severely affected, just don't resemble my experience at all. They may as well be different conditions entirely.

Aibu to wish that for once producers/filmmakers etc would show the other side of autism?

OP posts:
Autumnskiesarelovely · 18/10/2017 12:15

I agree OP.

For example the insistence that everyone is differently abled is ok if you are happy with that label, just don’t insist it fits everyone!

My child has difficulties. I’ll help them. When he grows older and communicates he can call it whatever he likes. I’m not, however, going to assume that he doesn’t want help.

BishopBrennansArse · 18/10/2017 12:16

Whereas my view is it is a difference that causes problems. Where possible the needs causing the problems should be met. Much more support is needed and it needs to be individually tailored rather than prescribed according to inaccurate labels. But that would be ££££.

Those things that aren’t expensive - understanding and tolerance - I get frustrated that society doesn’t provide enough of that.

SharkiraSharkira · 18/10/2017 12:22

Yes, absolutely, Autumn and pretty much everyone else!

I have told people some of the difficulties ds and I have experienced since he has been diagnosed. People are genuinely shocked. They have no idea that
A) ASD can be like that and cause those issues
B) that people can treat children with ASD that way
C) that there is SO little in the way of real, practical, helpful support available

I'm sure that people think it is pretty easy to get help but it isn't. Not by a long way. Seeing a documentary, or even a fictional programme that shows the unpleasant reality would at least go someway to helping people understand.

OP posts:
Elendon · 18/10/2017 12:36

My cousin is 6ft tall and an adult. He's in a residential home because of his disabilities, he has a severe form of it. It's not autism.

He did have a previous life though as a successful barrister.

SharkiraSharkira · 18/10/2017 12:38

Also, yes to the PP who said that people on TV with autism always seem quite well off and live in lovely houses!

I know that having money does not fix things but if you can afford to pay for specialist childcare/respite, buy therapeutic equipment, have a sensory room and so on, it DOES make a big difference.

I remember trying to get respite from SS so I could work and I was basically fobbed off because 'most parents who have a disabled child don't work'. Well that might be fine for some but I was a single parent who wanted to work and support my family, and I was pretty much told that it wasn't possible.

OP posts:
Elendon · 18/10/2017 12:43

Yes, I've been told that too Sharkira even within employment that had a relation to the skill sets I had acquired whilst caring for my son (carer's allowance).

When it came to voluntary work though, everything was fine. I was totally accepted.

I've now, finally, got a position I want. So looking forward to it. I can once again get a monthly wage!

thefudgeling · 18/10/2017 12:48

Poppl, they did make skallagrigg into a tv series, years ago! The book was amazing and has stayed with me.

KickAssAngel · 18/10/2017 12:56

The link between any form of disability and poverty is terrifying. Almost always, it's the mum who becomes the carer. If there's a Dad on the scene that helps, but largely families with a person who is disabled live in poverty and rely on benefits. There is just no political or public will to change that. All the discussion are about how to provide services at a low cost. None of them are about just making the families much better off so that they can afford better care, a cleaner, taxis, trips out for ALL the kids (because most families have more than one child), childcare etc. It's disgraceful how much people with disabilities have to endure, and their families as well. tbh - if I had a disability I would be in a raging bad mood All The Time, because a) disability, and b) all the other crap as well.

There are starting to be more movies/TV where there are people with obvious disabilities who are just part of the crowd, and it isn't a 'thing'.

The BBC did spend some time on Jacqui Jackson a while ago. I'm in the US so can't link to the program.

purpleangel17 · 18/10/2017 13:01

I am currently doing some research on the political process behind autism laws in different countries and hoping to do a PhD on it. What has struck me is the disconnect between (a) how the autistic community and their families view autism (b) how people with no direct experience of autism view it and (c) how it is viewed by government. The three views can be poles apart. I think in the UK we have one of the more modern approaches to autism. Far off perfect but at least we are not trying to 'treat' or 'cure' it and it is recognised as a disability (and therefore opens doors to support).

SharkiraSharkira · 18/10/2017 13:08

Absolutely Angel, that is exactly the position I would have been in had I not refused to end up that way. I'm not judging, the vast majority of people in that situation are not there by choice and they have no alternative. It is incredibly hard.

The idea that I would be reliant on benefits for my entire income I found terrifying. Especially when I realised that, eventually, the child benefit and tax credits I depended on would stop and where would I be then? I wouldn't be able to work because who would employ me after 15+ years out of work, and who would care for ds if I was at work all day? The stress was unreal.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 18/10/2017 13:18

Have you seen 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape?'

I don't know if it's autism or another disability but one of the characters in that is quite low functioning.

It was the first film I saw that convinced me that Leonardo Di Caprio actually is a bloody good actor!

FuckShitJackFairy · 18/10/2017 13:23

I wish programs about asd wpuld portray females who don't present typically.

It's allways boys, and allways with typical asd traits.

I also wish they would portray how equally disabling 'hf' asd can be, it's so often seen as 'lesser' and just 'quirky' but the anxiety involved can trash any hope of quality of life even though those dealing with it have high iq & can mimic well.

pisacake · 18/10/2017 13:47

The sex ratio is 6:1 with HFA, so it's understandable it's mostly boys.

JonSnowsWhore · 18/10/2017 13:49

Manic I just came on here to say what’s eating Gilbert grape too.

I think Leo is fantastic in it at such a young age as well. Google tells me Arnie is Autistic

SharkiraSharkira · 18/10/2017 13:56

I have seen a bit of Gilbert Grape and yes Leo's performance was amazing.

OP posts:
Farawayfromhere · 18/10/2017 13:59

I haven't read thread but completely agree. So much of the 'pro disability' stuff in the media and information about disability is about overcoming relatively mild problems which is fab but my experience of having a disabled child is so different to that. He will never be a Paralympian. He will not overcome his disabilities. He will never speak, won't walk, won't feed himself independently or go to the toilet and it's very hard work looking after him. I love him very much and we have a happy family but the reality is very hard physically and mentally for us as his parents and will last forever.

hendrick · 18/10/2017 14:05

SharkiraSharkira That's sort of the position I'm in now, as DS is autistic and still currently at school but is due to leave next year. When he leaves my child benefit and tax credits will stop, but he will claim ESA (and continue to claim PIP) so there will still be money coming into the household for him (I'm his appointee so I take charge of all of it). As I'm autistic too, I get benefits for my own disabilities so we aren't destitute, but obviously still on a low income.

I had no choice but to care for DS full time, as his disabilities are so severe that all the childcare options we tried refused to take him. We've been offered respite by SS, but actually it didn't work for us because DS didn't like the options on offer, and it felt unkind to just leave him somewhere that he didn't enjoy just so I could go off and do my own thing. I consider his time at school to be my respite, so I'm glad I don't work as it's the only time I can get to the gym, the shops or see friends etc.

pingu73 · 18/10/2017 14:13

Absolutely agree and the strain it places on marriages and other siblings and the constant battle for services

scrabbler3 · 18/10/2017 14:17

You make a good point OP. The examples I've seen recently on tv are the lead female character in The Tunnel who is high functioning (she's one of the most senior detectives in Paris, very logical and intelligent), and that hot Welsh rugby player on The Undateables who sent Twitter into meltdown.

It would be interesting to see other aspects of autism portrayed, to debunk the clever-but-odd internet millionaire myth.

I nearly perpetrated a myth myself. I was about to say that it's odd that a guy with autism plays rugby (contact sport). Of course, not everyone has this sensory issue. It shows that even people like me, who are careful not to offend or generalise, can get it wrong. So, the more education the better!

NewMonthNewUsername · 18/10/2017 14:28

Definitely not being unreasonable. My child is 3 and a half and only recently starting saying words, he's not yet communicating, nor does he understand what you say.
He can, however, count to 40 and name all the 2D and 3D shapes. He's still low functioning autistic.

So many people nod in what they think is understanding when I say he can do these things, they think he must be like a young Sherlock Holmes or something. They have no idea that he still doesn't know how to ask for a drink, food or say he's in pain.

WorkingClassHeroine · 18/10/2017 14:36

I'd like to see a series that discusses the principle of 'if you meet one person with autism, you've met one person with autism'. It would be a 'magazine' style format, like the 'One Show', and presented/filmed/produced by autistic people. It could be called "so you think you know autism...?" and would discuss the folly of labelling people as high/low functioning when two people with the same label can be so different. Viewers would meet a different (consenting, obv) autistic person each week, exploring the many and varied characteristics, challenges, ups and downs faced by autistic people. It could also include anonymous contributions from families of autistic people who are labelled 'low' functioning and try to highlight the issues they face without omitting the bits the media find unpretty such as smearing, elopement, self-harming etc - but in a way that preserves dignity and doesn't sensationalise or gawk. I'm thinking along the lines of 'See Hear'.

It would also look to discuss how society and employers can sort their shit out and adjust to accommodate people's needs. Autistic people are everywhere and should not be hidden away: Square pegs should not be ground down until they fit the round holes our world gives them.

Bombardier25966 · 18/10/2017 14:46

The sex ratio is 6:1 with HFA, so it's understandable it's mostly boys.

That's the diagnosed ratio. It's now acknowledged that females are often misdiagnosed, and given the cuts to MH/ LD services many will never be formally diagnosed. That doesn't mean they don't exist.

Witchend · 18/10/2017 14:48

I think one of the issues with portraying disability in film or books is that it is usually portrayed as either the main character, in which case it's very much blessing or curse-with emphasis being on blessing and overcoming difficulties, or it's a less major character who is there as a sympathetic sidekick who is resigned to the difficulties and is basically there to show the main character being caring and kind.

I'd like to see more characters who are there but not defined by their disability. Not necessarily the main character or even the second, but there as part of a "normal" family life. You could show the sibling torn between love and frustration, or how the parent desperately tries to split the time between the child who needs them more and the sibling who sometimes feels they're bottom of the heap etc. But not have it as the main plot. Then it's educating people without bashing them over the head with it.

glovesonstrings · 18/10/2017 14:50

YANBU at all. I'm reminded of the documentary Sally Phillips made about Downs Syndrome.

Bombardier25966 · 18/10/2017 14:50

Apologies if this isn't allowed, but I've been really upset by posts on the following thread. The judgments and misunderstanding regarding learning disabilities is horrible, including referring to a child with LD as a 'smug little sod'.

forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5729489#topofpage

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