Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a disabled young adult to move

26 replies

SandlakeRd · 17/10/2017 21:10

DH and I were out for tea earlier and there was a group of young adults in wheelchairs with carers/parents waiting for a table. The wheelchairs were electric so the people were "driving" themselves.

They were waiting in the area near the toilets. I stood back for a couple of mins to see if the group was moving but they weren't so I asked one of the wheelchair users who was mainly blocking the way if he would move. He said yes and did and I went to the loo.

All fine I thought until I came out and DH said he couldn't believe what I had done and that I should have waited or gone when we got home. My view was I did exactly what I would have done if they had not been in a wheelchair so it was fine and the boy didn't seem bothered. I am doubting my attitudes now though.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TeaAndToast85 · 17/10/2017 21:11

If it wasn't too much hassle for them to move (if it just took a few seconds) then I'd say fine x

Madbum · 17/10/2017 21:12

yanbu and your DH is weird.

Italiangreyhound · 17/10/2017 21:12

Of course you were right.your husband is mad. Maybe he has a bigger than average ability to wait!

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 17/10/2017 21:14

Eh, it was fine.
My teens in a wheelchair. If he's in the way then I tell him to move.
He has a tendency to loiter looking at his phone forgetting that he takes up the entire hallway

Ttbb · 17/10/2017 21:16

You treated them like you would any other person-I don't see a problem here...

Bringbackpublicfloggings · 17/10/2017 21:17

Thats mad. Disabled or not you can still ask.

WhatwouldAryado · 17/10/2017 21:32

Definitely not unreasonable! I have worked with teens with a wide variety of mobility issues. They and i can (like all of us) suffer from a lack of being psychic about what people passing by might want Wink

CaptainHammer · 17/10/2017 21:42

Definitely NOT unreasonable!

zzzzz · 17/10/2017 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleDaisies · 17/10/2017 21:45

It's absolutely fine to ask someone in a wheelchair to move if they're blocking the way.

VladmirsPoutine · 17/10/2017 21:48

Your DH's attitude is one of the many reasons that disability is still seen as 'problematic' by society. My friend uses a wheelchair and oftentimes when we're out in a crowded bar or whatever will ask me if I fancy a 'seat' in a joking manner. They are people too. Same thing when people defer to carers or whomever rather than address the disabled person in question. My friend oft says "It's my legs that don't work, when my brain stops you'll notice."

Pollydonia · 17/10/2017 21:49

What you did was fine, sounds like your dh has " issues" around being seen as disableist

Glumglowworm · 17/10/2017 22:00

Yanbu

Unless you've left out that you gave a torrent of abuse to them for daring to clutter up the place with their wheelchairs Wink

He was in the way, you waited briefly to see if he would move anyway, then politely asked him to move, which he did without objection. If it had been someone not in a wheelchair it wouldn't have been worthy of comment, why does the addition of the wheelchair make it a problem?

DontTouchTheMoustache · 17/10/2017 22:03

Unless you shouted "oi, move!" I don't see an issue Grin

Undercoverbanana · 17/10/2017 22:09

You treated them just as you would an un-disabled person, politely and appropriately. He probably liked the fact that you treated him "normally" rather than the goggle-eyed staring that some people in wheelchairs have to endure. What is your DP's issue exactly?

Liadain · 17/10/2017 22:11

God no, yanbu. You'd ask pretty much anyone else to move and it sounds like it didnt bother them at all, whats the problem?

I'm sure those people appreciated being treated like anyone else instead of you acting like they're made out of sugar.

FreudianSlurp · 17/10/2017 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1471548375 · 17/10/2017 22:12

Totally reasonable. Just like able bodied people find ourselves standing/sitting somewhere inconvenient all the time, so do wheel chair users. Sometimes we need someone to point it out to us. Unless there was no where to physically manoeuvre you were fine.

Original poster
SandlakeRd · 17/10/2017 22:13

DH said that as there was a large group I should have just waited rather than give the impression they were in the way as it may make them uncomfortable. TBH I don't know what their parents may have thought as I didn't look at them or talk to them. They were all at the table when I came out.

OP posts:
pilates · 17/10/2017 22:14

No totally fine

MsPavlichenko · 17/10/2017 22:22

Fine. My son (26) uses a Powerdrive. I have been known sometimes to tell him to get his arse into gear if he is in the way of someone or me. He's not always aware of this, but happily moves, albeit with guidance sometimes.

MammaTJ · 17/10/2017 22:24

I'm afraid with my bladder there is no option of waiting or going when I get home!

I would have had no choice but to do as you did. You were fine in asking him to move, really.

YANBU!

AdoraBell · 17/10/2017 22:33

YWNBU.

GlitterNails · 17/10/2017 22:37

I'm a wheelchair user, and it was fine in those circumstances.

LightDrizzle · 17/10/2017 22:49

YANBU. Your DH was being hyper viligant and got it wrong.

Swipe left for the next trending thread