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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with friend

75 replies

Sienna333 · 17/10/2017 18:19

Who compared my 3-4 week food poisoning to her DD's on/off sickness bug
and to also compare it to 'Harry' (Kid we both know who has been a little sick (24 hour bug). I am really pissed off at her lack of understanding at just how
ill I was and to also assume 'You are better now.' (I am not completely, she didn't ask, just assumed.'
I would be so worried if the situation was to be reversed and it hurts how little interest and support she has shown towards me.

OP posts:
WillowKnicks · 17/10/2017 19:06

Having read your previous post about your illness, I'd just be pleased that I didn't have anything seriously wrong, as you were convinced that you did & that I was getting better now!

Mollie85 · 17/10/2017 19:08

You mention 3/4 week "food poisoning". I thought the stool sample result can back clear from your last thread?

Mollie85 · 17/10/2017 19:08

Came back obviously Smile

Original poster
Sienna333 · 17/10/2017 19:10

Well it is slowly improving but I am still worried it was something more. And yes, the sample came back clear but the doctor in a call today did say that going by all my symptoms (Severe diarrhoea which turned bloody, nausea, stomach cramps) it does sound like it was a nasty strain of E Coli

OP posts:
LovelyPrep · 17/10/2017 19:11

Were you over-egging it a bit to her? I don't mean to be unkind but you were quite ott on here (I understand you were feeling unwell and worried..) and she might be a bit weary with it all. My mum can go on and on about being unwell and you start to tune out a bit or try to play it down to stop her.

Original poster
Sienna333 · 17/10/2017 19:11

No bug would give you bloody diarrhoea so that makes sense unless it is/was something chronic but the fact I am improving suggests not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sienna333 · 17/10/2017 19:13

Unless you count 3 texts cancelling social plans with her and describing the symptoms I was having then no I wasn't going on about it but I think I would have been justified in this case if I had been going on.

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 17/10/2017 19:17

To be fair though an actual sickness bug in a CHILD is probably more traumatic than chronic diarrhoea in an adult. I hope you showed sympathy to the poor child. Obv diarrhoea isn’t nice either but it’s not a competition and some people live with constant diarrhoea anyway. You could be worse off!!

Original poster
Sienna333 · 17/10/2017 19:19

As I said, I don't think a day or two of vomiting is comparable to bloody diarrhoea, cramps and nausea. Of course I am sympathetic to both kids but it's hardly in the same category as what I had.

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 17/10/2017 19:23

It really doesn’t matter whether it’s comparable or not! People say things to empathise.
What did you want from her? What could she have done to make you feel better?

Looneytune253 · 17/10/2017 19:23

Hmmm I think it is. Depends on the person. I’d rather have days of diarrhoea than actual sickness. Worst nightmare. Don’t know why you’re getting yourself worked up. It’s not a competition.

Original poster
Sienna333 · 17/10/2017 19:27

You would rather have 2 days of sickness rather than 18 days of diarrhoea both bloody or watery? Right....

Of course is isn't a competition. I just wish she would have asked how I was doing instead of assuming I was fine and then comparing it to two minor sick bugs. She just doesn't seem to care or be all that concerned

OP posts:
Danceswithwarthogs · 17/10/2017 19:27

Time to do an Elsa I think
Be glad everyone's well and move on.

Zippydoodah · 17/10/2017 19:28

Obviously you're worried so that's going to colour your reaction but you really need to look at it from another angle.

I agree with the person who asked what you wanted from your friend. Unless she's got it, she's unlikely to understand and that is ok

Mollie85 · 17/10/2017 19:33

Sienna I know you have anxiety and we're very worried about your diarrhea but honestly and with kindness - I don't think this thread is going to paint you in a brilliant light.

You were sick. Her daughter was sick. Why does it matter who was sickest and for how long? It simply doesn't.

And yes if you are being truly honest with yourself you probably projected your fears to her and were a bit OTT (and I am not speculating, I am using your other thread as an example because you acknowledge yourself in that thread that you are over reacting and it is clearly evident in your posts which are verging on hysterical ) and she (rightly or wrongly) found it annoying and soon the very mention of your illness probably made her switch off. If I am way off base, apologies.

I am coming from a place of anxiety and if I wasn't medicated I would have days when I couldn't leave the house. I absolutely know where you are coming from. Honestly.

However - You are an adult. She is a child. It really doesn't matter. Honestly. It doesn't matter.

Did you make the appt to get your anxiety addressed?

lostfrequencies · 17/10/2017 19:34

So she made a flippant comment. Not sure why you’re quite so upset about it.

RideOn · 17/10/2017 19:34

No I think it would be normal to assume food poisoning has similar symptoms/experience to gastroenteritis.
It would also be normal to expect you to have recovered by now. 3 - 4 weeks is an exeptionally long time.

FWIW I have had a bad strain of e.coli and people didnt go out of their way to offer "interest" or "support", I just was glad when it was all over. I didn't particularly mention it to people, what can you discuss? "today my stomach is still sore, I am still going to the toilet 10+ times per day, my stools still look like light brown water"
I was a bit the opposite and had to tell them I've been to my GP, I sent off a stool sample, public health contacted me about the result and informed me several people had died of this same strain, so if you get symptoms (if you were in contact with me prior) then go and see your GP to get tested. I was so embarrassed

Hullabaloo40 · 17/10/2017 19:34

I would assume that as you were well enough to meet up (you said that you had cancelled previous arrangements), then you were ok. Unless your friend has precious form for being uninterested I would suggest that you drop the matter. Having a sick child is horribly worrying and you've obviously text her previously to tell her how you are. Not sure what else you want. Did you ask after her child?

Mollie85 · 17/10/2017 19:35

*Were- autocorrect thank you (not) Grin

RideOn · 17/10/2017 19:36

Sorry xpost with comments about you suffering with anxiety.

Are you better now?

LML83 · 17/10/2017 19:41

I think it is natural when someone mentions a topic like sickness bug it makes you think/mention your most recent experience. I am sure your friend didn't mean to suggest one was worse than the other.

My experience of stomach bugs is 24-36 hours so 2-5 days would be a record and awful for me or kids. Not as bad as yours but it would still have been a big deal to me, not a mini-bug. It may have been intended to reassure you lots of bugs are about and you aren't the only one so it is prob a bug nothing more sinister.

Glad you are feeling better.

HolyShet · 17/10/2017 19:45

Your sickness sounds horrendous, hope you're on the mend

But you must be at a low ebb to let this bother you. Let it go, you have no need to be hurt

Get well soon

lookingbeyond40 · 17/10/2017 19:56

I really wouldn't worry! I know how anxious you were about being ill, and I'm glad you are on the mend.

Please do not find something else to focus your anxiety on. We all have our own lives and we can't be on the phone 24/7 checking up on people - even though we do care.

Just focus on your life and getting better

AvonCallingBarksdale · 17/10/2017 20:02

But she's bound to be more concerned about her own child, surely?! I mean, that's quite normal. Yours sounds horrible, but her focus is obviously going to be on her DD and sickness is horrible in little ones. You're an adult, who, by the sounds of it, fortunately didn't have anything more serious as tests came back clear. That's surely the end of it, no?

elevenswan · 17/10/2017 20:02

Sorry you're feeling ill, it does suck.

However, I had chronic nausea and IBS for years. Felt like throwing up all day for months at a time. If someone I knew had a stomach bug and complained about it, I didn't get annoyed, I felt bad for them because I know how bad it feels. You've been ill, she's been ill, it's horrible for everyone, and someone will always have it worse. It's easy to fall down a bit of a selfish hole when you feel ill all the time (I probably did it too) but it isn't helpful for anyone.

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