Sibling difficulties - what to do?

[TheRealGussieFinkNottle]

So frustrated with a close sibling's behaviour. Not saying I'm perfect, but they constantly swear at me, undermine me, belittle me and ignore me, among other things. Can go into more detail if needed.

What should I do?

Don't really want to go no-contact, as it would really hurt the rest of my family and it's not really practical for us. Any advice appreciated.

Thanks so much.

Bump.

This all sounds very childish. These are trivial things arising from normal sibling rivalry I'd guess. Are you a teenager? Adults don't normally compare gcse grades to get one over on each other or spray body spray at each other! As you get older and develop your own life it will seem less important. in the meantime just avoid conflict and set the good example.

carefreee We're both adults. I agree with you that it sounds childish- it absolutely is.

Unfortunately, I don't think we respect each other, even though we think we do. How do you get past that? How can we learn to respect each other?

I think you really need a break from her. It sounds quite spiteful of her to make those comments about GCSEs - I mean how long ago??? The glass on the sofa. All of that.

Maybe if you pull away she will miss you. But take yourself away from the equation at the moment.

Thanks so much wobbly - good idea to remove myself from the situation.

That's actually got me thinking - in situations where we get angry/upset with each other, I probably normally tend to escalate the situation by having the last word (or something similar), because I find it too tempting not to and part of me just wants to piss her off I know I should just keep quiet and not say anything in these situations, but find it so hard not to. Any tips for how I can keep my mouth shut??

Bumping.

I have a sibling like this and believe me, coming back with some of the retorts above will only please her - it's exactly what she wants. She doesn't care what you think and will laugh at you in your face before trying to make you look a fool in front of others and you'll be cross at yourself for opening up (to shut her down).

Go LC. It's the only way. Don't tell anyone you're doing it - invent some diary clashes when they next organise something, be unwell. Whatever it takes but DONT overcompensate by way of explanation.

She won't be happy around you until she's happy with herself and it could take a while for life to bring about changes that make this happen and allow you to be closer again.

Until then avoid avoid avoid. When you do see her just talk to other people and give nothing away about yourself. And be REALLY happy, focus on positive news and how well things are going even if they're not (if they're not don't see her and see your mum separately). People like this are like dementors, they'll prey on your weaknesses and suck all the good energy out of you.

Urgh.

Thanks so much for your advice Fruitbox. Sorry to hear about you and your sibling.

Just bumping this.

Anyone?

www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder

Why do you keep bumping this? You've had quite a lot of reasonable advice, think consensus is Low Contact.

Look up the Grey Stone approach.

Angry because I wanted to see if anyone had any more advice - I don't think that's particularly unreasonable.

Hello OP, I have just seen your thread and it resonates with me; similar thing with my brother. How are you coping? Do you have any good strategies? Feel free to PM me

Thanks Moana - I'm doing better, thanks. Hope you're okay. Have you found the advice from this thread helpful?

yes it was food for thought Gussie!

Have you managed to speak to your sister ? My brother and his family came to my house today and it wasn’t a pleasant visit unfortunately

I’ve been going LC which has helped no end. I would suggest you do the same! (And avoidance)

Tbh you sound like as much of a child as your sister.

Stop escalating, stop responding, stop fighting. Your parents are probably just fucking sick of it. You say you always have to have the last word - that's a huge part of it. When she baits you, you're taking it! Just ignore her.

Piss her off when it's just the two of you. Not when your parents are around.

I feel there's a lot you're not saying about your relationship with your family.

Perhaps I am condepetie - it feels hurtful to hear that from someone who's never met me before. I'm not sure what you mean when you say that I'm not saying as much as I could about my relationship with my family. What more should I say?

A Narcissist's Prayer -

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, i didn't mean it.
And if i did, you deserved it.

I've never seen that before. But it has just made my blood run cold - that's my DM!!!