NC for this as quite outing and don't want connections made with my other threads.
My family are originally from another country (let's call it H).
I have a huge family back in H and my DGPs are still alive and well. I also have my own little family here with DH and 2 DCs .
My parents have both worked hard in the UK and now own their house and recently renovated and extended it etc my DM is also on a new career path which seems to be doing well and she is up for a promotion, they also own property and quite a bit of land back in H due to inheritance.
Unfortunately my parents and DH are in conflict and have been NC with each other for over a year, can't really go into detail.
I see my parents once a week with DCs, the DCs don't stay over or get babysat by them. I also attend Christmas and other holidays at their house alone with DCs, without DH.
This situation won't resolve itself quickly or ever.
I have recently had conversations with them where they have been saying they are thinking of selling up in the UK and going back to H. Alternatively they will sell their assets in H and invest in something + save for future etc.
They are concerned about not seeing my DCs and me if they go. I also know my DM is worried about her parents (my DGPs) back in H as they have no support ATM and they are becoming elderly and will soon need it.
They have asked my opinion on this.
I don't want to be blunt with them and I don't want to sound like a horrible daughter but I think it might be for the best.
My reasons for:
- I know they like H better as a country that includes food, culture etc they often complain about certain things here
- my DM will be able to look after her parents
- they've had a dream (but modest) house in mind that they will be able to afford and build back in H if they sell up here
- They still have a great circle of friends over there especially as it's where they're from and have grown up with a lot of people - not so much over here (UK)
- it gives me a reason to visit H more frequently if they move (it's about 2hrs on a plane so not bad) so they will still see my DCs and it can all be kept "short and sweet" and that way they'll also get the "sleepovers" etc with them and get longer chunks of quality time albeit less frequent
- my DM can be a very difficult character and I think mine and her relationship will be better as again visits will most likely be "short and sweet"
- I will feel less pressured without constant attempts of them having DCs overnight/taking them away or making me feel guilty that they are unable to be "proper grandparents" due to the current situation
My reason against:
- I know I will be the one who looks after them in old age and ATM wouldn't know how to work it logistically if they're in another country, however I also know it's probably another 20years before that happens
- I'm worried they (read my DM) will be trying to pressure me to come for long chunks of time with DCs or ask for DCs to visit on their own for long periods of time once they're older which I am not willing to do and it will most likely cause resentment over time
First and foremost I think they should do what works for them and not consider me, they need to make sure they do what makes them happy in the long run and think about where they see themselves in 5 or 10+ years etc which is basically what I told them but I think it will come up again as they are weighing up all the options.
Would IBU to slightly steer them towards going back?