NC because very outing. Feel a mixture of anger and guilt.
The back story is a year and a half ago I became close friends with a guy, N. He happened to be in an open relationship and I was reluctantly brought onside. Our "strand" of the relationship only lasted 2 months because I began to get very frustrated with what I saw as hypocrisy and unfairness. It doesnt matter though, because after just 2 months of this I moved to the end of the country and things ended between us.
Fast forward to last week: for the first time in a year I'm back in town and have loads of people to see. I've been with my DP, who I very much love, for a year and things are going great. Me and N have been in casual infrequent contact for the year, friendly contact but not very deep.
N announces that he has taken all the days off I'll be here off from work. I find that really intrusive and disrespectful actually, as if I didnt have anyone else to see.
On the first day I got here, I spent all afternoon and evening hanging out but had to cut the evening short at 11pm because I felt awful and was coming down with something - he did thia reallt sad puppy dog face that made me feel so bad.
The next day, a friend was coming to join me in town overnight so we could catch up. We included him on our night out but even then he spent tue whole day pressuring me to meet earlier. I met her off the train at 3pm and at 5.30pm he was like "shall we meet for dinner now at the indian?" I didnt see his message til 7 and replied to apologise and he said "no worries, shall we meet there in half an hour?"
It's like...arrrrgh its fucking Saturday evening and im here for 4 days, let me fucking breathe!
So Saturday the 3 of us went out and finished at 5am - he was gutted when I sent him home but didnt say anything :-/ On sunday morning i felt like an absolute wreck and it wasnt a hangover...my illness had intensified since I'd stupidly tried to push through it since i was visiting. So yesterday i woke up with it having developed into a fever and like a chest infection. I felt absolutely awful. Nevertheless, he expressed sympathy but asked if i wanted to meet up. Obviously i said no.
Today is my last full day and i wanted to spend it having a long lunch with my closest friend here, then walking around by myself just letting my mind reminisce, going to a few independent shops here and very possibly if i feel.well enough get a bus for early tea with another friend before going home early.
But last night he's texted two plans for tomorrow (both of which involve the great outdoors - sorry but i dont know exactly how many times i have to be fucking clear about the fact i am ill).
Im torn. On the one hand this is someone i used to be close to and i used to hold hom dear and feel i should make an effort to "honour" that friendship.
On the other hand theres the sickness thing, but more than that, i feel very angry, insulted and almost diarespected that he seema to be pushing his agenda on me. His girlfriend (the one who wanted them to be in an open relationship) has had countless lovers the past year and he hasnt, so....
What pisses me off is he knows because ive been very clear that i am in love with my DP and we dont do open relationships.
I honestly have no idea if N is hassling me out of his friendship feelings or romantic feelings, i genuinely couldnt say - possibly a blurring of both.
But im angry ive felt hounded during this stay, and that my last day may inevitably be spent bowing to the wishes of a persistent man IYSWIM.
Any thoughts? :-^