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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not allowed to take presents home

39 replies

florenceandthefig · 15/10/2017 18:34

My MIL buys birthday and xmas presents for my DD who's nearly 4 but they have to stay at her house. She looks after DD half a day each week and these toys (which will be things DD desperately wants to play with) won't be allowed to come home with her. My BIL and SIL have a DD who is slightly younger than my DD and, from what I gather, she takes her toys home.

I know in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal but it irks me a little bit that DD would love to take them home but she effectively hardly gets to see them and shares them with her cousin who my MIL also looks after.

I know I sound like a massive bitch but now DD is getting older I can't be fucked having to explain why she can't take her presents home.

Is this normal?

OP posts:

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 15/10/2017 19:25

I wouldn't accept it as I think it's cruel. Both my MiL and my DM have stuff at their respective homes for ds to play with however he's welcome to take whatever he likes home with him whenever he likes and none of it was bought as birthday/Christmas presents.

PeapodBurgundy · 15/10/2017 19:29

@BalloonSlayer I may need to consult you on my every future problem also if your name is a BDT reference you may be my new idol

The issue hasn't come up for us. DM had a tub with a few odd bits in for DS when he visits, some she bought (Wilkos and £ shop, so nothing to break the bank), some that I bought for him to have there, and some duplicate toys/books that he's received as gifts. Would something similar work if she wants toys at her house? MIL has a load of shared toys for all of her Grandchildren, but she stores them in the wash house, which she also uses to smoke in when the weather is bad, so I won't let DS play with them. We take toys from home.

NikiBabe · 15/10/2017 19:31

She looks after DD half a day each week and these toys (which will be things DD desperately wants to play with) won't be allowed to come home with her.

Just half a day?

Stop her looking after our DD for half a day a week. It is only a few hours. Surely you could find some other arrangement and then MIL has no reason to give DD presents she cannot take home as DD is no longer in her home for care at all. She cant not give her anything at all.

What a bitch.

dameglittersparkles · 15/10/2017 19:33

Why the fuck are some people so fucking petty!?

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/10/2017 19:37

Why are you obeying your mil? She is not your boss. She may be elder than you but she is not better. Go round there, get all of your dds toys out and pack them in a bin bag and leave!

SugarPlumLairy · 15/10/2017 19:37

Revoke her present giving privileges.in fact revoke her having your DD over at her house. No more power trips for granny keeping toys at her house so that your DD craves going to play with these rationed treasure. It's done to make Mil feel more wanted and it's a shitty manipulative thing to do to a child.

If she gets her way and gives your child a present again say very clearly "wait is this a present for DD or for you. Because if it belongs to DD you can't keep it . And if you want to keep it don't pretend it's for my DD"

Better still buy the evil biddy something she really wants and then keep it at your house but don't invite her over for 3 months until she gets the idea that gifts shouldn't come with strings attached. 😜😈

Bucketsandspoons · 15/10/2017 19:39

"MiL if that toy is not going to belong to dd then please don't wrap it and give it to her as a gift. It's confusing and upsetting for her, as she then thinks you're telling her she can keep it."

Insensitive and disrespectful way to treat a child.

HolyShet · 15/10/2017 19:43

It's not a gift if the recipient can't decide what to do with it.

Talk to her, now, before the issue arises.

Does MIL not provide chilcare for her other gc? Its fine to have a toy stash at granny's house if she is providing childcare (my mum always had things for my dc to play with that lived at hers, usually some of her charity shop finds) - but not xmas and birthday presents.

whitehorsesdonotlie · 15/10/2017 19:44

Yes, she is being VU. Just pick up and take the gifts home with you. She has given the gift - she can't then put restrictions on it! It's not hers any longer!

user1471449805 · 15/10/2017 19:51

DH needs to speak up.

MGKROCKS · 15/10/2017 19:56

No not normal.they are not hers if she can't do what she wants with them.how controlling

Ellendegeneres · 15/10/2017 19:57

My mums done this. But she told me beforehand, so I was able to tell ds when opening it, ohhh this is a special toy, you can play with it when you visit! But this was agreed, because it was feckin huge and noisy not just decided by her and upsetting my child.
The way your mil does it, I'd be confronting the issue before Christmas and saying is dc going to be 'allowed' to take presents home this year, because it's incredibly confusing and upsetting for a small child to be given something wonderful and exciting and then told you're only allowed to play with it once a week and on my terms. If it's to be kept at hers, tell her she can take the presents back now then because you won't have dc upset like that. It's how I'd manage it, instead of having conflict and upset on the day

SteampunkPrincess · 15/10/2017 20:10

"MiL if that toy is not going to belong to dd then please don't wrap it and give it to her as a gift. It's confusing and upsetting for her, as she then thinks you're telling her she can keep it." this is perfect

dameglittersparkles · 15/10/2017 22:15

Why would your MIL want to make her DGC sad purely to exert control?
Bitch 😡

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