To not assume our unborn child will get his surname alone.

[DahlTheGalah]

Apparently I am being "uptight" in assuming not that our unborn baby would take only his father's surname, but rather that we would discuss options and probably include both in some way?

Incidentally, partner has been less than supportive about the pregnancy in general, not even sure he wants the baby etc, disappearing every night to "think" without saying where he is going, coming up with little gems of wisdom like "In whose hands was the contraception?" (Now defended by saying it was a friend who said that, not him; but he chose to quote it to me.)

I don't think IABU, am I?!

You'd be a fool to give this child his surname alone. Give yours or give both. Without wanting to sound really insensitive he sounds like a flake who might be gone from your lives at some point so it would make much more sense for you and your child to share a name.

I had always thought babies take their mothers' names. That's why when people get married the woman traditionally takes her husband's name, then the child gets it from the woman.
I have no idea why I thought this, it must have been something I read as a child. In 2017 you choose what you want to do. I'd give the name of a parent sure to stick around tbh.

Yes, traditionally a child born to unmarried parents would be given the mother's name. It's a relatively new thing that being given the father's name is now the norm.

Not married, baby gets your name.
I'd put him on the birth certificate though, he is her father.

I did exactly this 16 years ago, he left when Dd was 6 weeks, she has my name.

Definitely give the baby your name if you are not married. But I think you should put him on the birth certificate.

I think I would take him on a long walk and tell him how you are feeling about your pregnancy, the idea of being a mother, and how he is upsetting you. And ask him how he is feeling about fatherhood, what he thinks his role is, in respect of both you, during pregnancy and as a father.

Then discuss names. Perhaps at a later date. I personally would not choose to change my name, married or not, and if you stay together, would give the child both your surnames.

Or give the child your surname. His could be an additional middle name.

I’m married but kept my name and the DC have both. DH isn’t a colossal twat though.

Baby should definitely get your name if you are unmarried

If you are married and still have your original surname then its up to you and dh

In my opinion obviously

These unmarried men that get all huffy when the baby doesn't have their name because that's "traditional" are pathetic.

Tbf Kerala same goes for the married men who expect women to take their surname and give it to the children because it's tradition. Being married or not is irrelevant.

Why does he want the baby to have his name? Does he think Dickhead is a good name for a child?

Yes agree but somehow being unmarried and then insisting that only the "traditions" that suit you need to be followed is laughable- pick and mix approach..

Agree that you should give the baby your name. If you marry, you can choose to change it. But something tells me you won't marry him. The other problem (apart from not being able to change it without his consent) is that if you are travelling on your own with your child, passport officials sometimes ask questions if mum and child don't have the same surname.

Offer to give the baby his surname as a middle name or something (although from what you are saying, that would be Wankface).

I would think very carefully about having his name on the birth certificate, let alone baby having his surname.

I don’t understand how it can be legal to purposely withhold a fathers name from a birth certificate. Whether he is a complete dickhead or not the child is biologically his and therefore he should be named. He may need to be traced in the future for medical reasons!

My DD is 4 months old. I gave her my OH's surname and I now wish I'd gone with mine. We are fine and not planning on splitting up but I hate having a different surname to her. 😕

Reading between the lines (morning sickness) you have ages to think about it. I'm unmarried & baby has my name. It makes admin pretty easy and I like that he has my name. Father's surname is his middle name but that was my choice not the baby's father's. Good luck!

In the nicest way. Do not make him an irresponsible child by describing this as some freak out phase. He is an adult. Fully capable of dealing with the consequences if what falls out of his nasty mouth. He's not invested in this baby. You need to plan to have a support network. If He changes his mind down the line then HE should be the one doing the legwork to sort that. In the meantime He's of no use for the foreseeable future. Get sorted before this baby arrives, the friend you are staying with presumably isn't going to be available long term?