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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I split up my mums cats?

20 replies

Tnibash · 14/10/2017 22:22

Sorry this is a long post....
Can I split up my mums cats???
My mum passed away a few months ago she has 2 cats they were meant to be going to my brother but he said he only told my mum he would have them to make mum feel better. The cats were then meant to taken on by the family buying mums house my brother went up and fed them 'every day' for three months never known cat food to cost so much!! The night before the sale went through the family said they only wanted one cat 'the pretty girl one' the boy one was spending most of his time next door in my mums neighbours house but she couldn't afford to keep him long term ( I was giving her money to for his upkeep) As my mum didn't want them split up I ended up taking both a few weeks ago with the plan to find a home for them together. I already have a cat he is a hunter and he has attacked the boy cat a few times this week already he doesn't seem bothered about the girl cat though. There is a 5 month waiting list at the cat home and the boy cat has no contact with the girl cat which I felt was how they acted when still living with my mum. He doesn't seem to coping coming from a quiet house to mine with my 5 noisy kids and he is terrified of my cat. I was thinking of trying to house them separately as this will be easier the 5 months might turn into a year or more. There are some pretty scary cats in my area and I am not sure if he would cope with that either I have had him microchiped but even when they are you can't always find them when they run away. I just feel guilty about going against my mums dying wishes but I don't feel I am doing the right thing keeping him here for 5 months either.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tnibash · 14/10/2017 22:25

I have three feliway plugins and the calming spray they don't seem to be having any affect.

OP posts:
peekyboo · 14/10/2017 22:28

Are they all neutered?

JamPasty · 14/10/2017 22:43

Do you think he would be happier staying with girl cat, or having a quiet home on his own? I would do whatever is best for the cats, not what your mum requested

JamPasty · 14/10/2017 22:44

ie, don't make the decision based just on what your mum wanted

Original poster
Tnibash · 14/10/2017 23:01

Yes they are all neutered, I can Imagine things would be worse if they weren't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tnibash · 14/10/2017 23:07

Thanks Jampasty he might be happier in the long run he has no contact with his sister cat and she even leaves the room when he comes in. I think it's important that I get him settled somewhere asap would be best. I am sure he would adapt to a new quite home better with or without his sibling.

OP posts:
kali110 · 14/10/2017 23:17

Have you tried feliway or Any calming solutions first?
Mil has taken in cats for a relative, and there were problems to begin with.( always seem to be boys)
We plugged in feliway diffuser, made sure there were enough litter trays ( one for each cat) made sure the timid one had a safe space and gave it calming stuff in its food.
All get on now Smile

NoKidsTwoCats · 15/10/2017 10:42

Cats are a predominantly solitary species so splitting them up usually isn't an issue (unless they're a very close pair of siamese or similar) and they often prefer being the only cat - however much we try to project our human social norms on them. Even if they're not fighting, they're probably just tolerating each other unless they're showing clear signs of being 'friends' eg grooming each other, snuggling up asleep together etc. If your cat and one of your mum's cats are fighting tbh they REALLY aren't getting on and they are probably very stressed. I'd split them up and just keep the cat that yours tolerates, personally.

Regardless of the situation, make sure all cats have lots of places to hide and get up high. This will help reduce stress levels.

MargaretCavendish · 15/10/2017 11:25

I'm really sorry for your loss.

I agree that in your situation it seems to make sense to split them up; it's better that they can settle into new homes asap rather than that they're kept in a stressful environment for months waiting for someone who'll have them both. I think your mum's most important wish was for the cats to be happy and well-cared for. She thought that could be done keeping them together, but it's looking like that's going to be very difficult and make the boy cat unhappy in the meantime. As long as you find good and loving homes for them then I think you've done your best by them which is exactly what your mum would have wanted Flowers

Original poster
Tnibash · 15/10/2017 15:53

Thank you so much for your kind posts. I dropped the boy cat off today with my mums old neighbour and gave her some money to go towards his upkeep. She adores him and he went straight back to his sleeping place at hers after giving me loads of affection (which he has never done) So happy she agreed to have him. I hope the girl cat will settle more into my family now so you can stay with us.
Thanks to all for your good advice your right I know my mum would just want he best for them and I don't feel so guilty now. Thanks xxxxxSmile

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 15/10/2017 16:00

That's great. Of course your mum would want what's best for them and it seems that you have found a good solution. Sorry for your loss.

MargaretCavendish · 15/10/2017 16:50

That sounds like you've found a great solution - he'll be so much happier somewhere familiar and that feels safe to him. I don't think you should feel any guilt at all, you're doing your absolute best by them (and, by extension, by your mum)

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 15/10/2017 16:54

Sounds as if he had picked out his new slave a while ago, just took you all this long to realise Grin.

kali110 · 15/10/2017 19:37

Cats are a predominantly solitary species so splitting them up usually isn't an issue (unless they're a very close pair of siamese or similar) and they often prefer being the only cat - however much we try to project our human social norms on them.
Really? Didn't know this.
We had two boys ( didn't grow up together, hated each other to begin with) who slept together, ate together etc
When one was ill, the other stuck to its side.
When the one died the other was never the same.

MargaretCavendish · 15/10/2017 19:53

Kali, did you not read the next sentence of the post you quoted?

Even if they're not fighting, they're probably just tolerating each other unless they're showing clear signs of being 'friends' eg grooming each other, snuggling up asleep together etc.

If the OP had said the two cats behaved like this (mine do too) then she might have got different advice, though it might still have been better to split them up than to keep one of them in a stressful environment where it was fighting with another cat for months. But they don't - they barely interacted.

I also think its pretty unhelpful to undermine a decision that the OP has now made, under difficult circumstances and clearly with some anxiety.

MabelFurball · 15/10/2017 20:06

Are you still planning to keep girl cat now? The people who bought your mother's house may still be interested. The two cats could be next door neighbours!

kali110 · 15/10/2017 20:21

I wasn't questioning op's decision i highlighted NoKidsTwoCats as i hadn''t heard it before actually MargaretCavendish so Hmm

JamPasty · 16/10/2017 21:01

Excellent news - so glad to hear he is happy and settled!

Original poster
Tnibash · 17/10/2017 00:08

I did think of asking the family that bought my mums house but they have not moved in yet so she would be on her own again I am empty house. It also concerns me that for months they said they wanted both cats and then the night before the sale went through they said they only wanted one. My brother was going to the house twice a day to feed the cats based on the idea that it was better not to move them away then move them back the family knew all this. The girl cat had hardly any human interaction during that time she wouldn't go near my brother and she seems to be settling in here now and while I didn't intend on keeping her at least I know where she is which is cuddled in to arm at the min🌝

OP posts:
MabelFurball · 17/10/2017 15:56

Sounds like you have done the best thing. I'm glad she is happy :-)

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