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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH asleep since 8pm AIBU

46 replies

sooperdooper · 14/10/2017 21:08

Proper pissed off, just need to rant really - for context no dc but starting ivf soon

Today DH was meeting friends for some drinks & to watch some football, dropped him at train at 10am & picked him up at 5pm.

Spent most of my day doing housework.

We had an understanding of spending tonight together, watch some daft telly, a few drinks

He went upstairs to watch the end of another match when he came in, then fell asleep, I'm on my own with bottle of wine, shit tv bored

I was offered tix to go out with a friend who isn't in town often but said no, mostly because he kicked off at me about a week ago cos he said I was out too much & I thought we were having a night together

AIBU for reading him the riot act tomorrow?

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 14/10/2017 22:51

ohwell
Maybe you should have read the part where the OP said her partner complains about her going out with her friends, but still goes out himself while she does the housework.
It's about the context and the bigger picture. Clearly not everyone realises that!

Ohwell14 · 14/10/2017 23:00

Did he force you into doing the housework? Did he say your never allowed to go out again? You said it's too late to meet your friend now, so obviously if it wasn't too late you would still go.
People blow things way out of proportion on here. If a person says one thing it suddenly means they are controlling and you should instantly reevaluate your life and leave them

stopbeingadramallama · 14/10/2017 23:14

If he’s been drinking, surely it wouldn’t have been the best night in together?

I’d be happy he was sleeping it off and not chatting shit all night stinking of booze.

Enjoy your own company. He had a night out with his mates. You can do the same with yours another time.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 14/10/2017 23:15

another
Maybe you should reread it. He doesn't complain when she goes out with her friends. He's commented she goes out to much. There's a big difference.

Butterymuffin · 14/10/2017 23:17

Make the best use of this, which is that next time he moans about you being out too much, remind him that you turned down the night out with your friend only for him to be out drinking with his own friends all day then fall asleep on you. So from now on you will go out with your friends when you want, tough shit.

gamerchick · 14/10/2017 23:18

Well tomorrow you can tell him that if he ever whinges that you’re out too often you will be ignoring him.

gamerchick · 14/10/2017 23:18

Xposts

butterybean · 14/10/2017 23:22

I wouldn't care all that much about this; but becayse of that I wouldnt care enoigh to have ivf with someone like this. For context my partner does a lot of falling asleep on the couch (very tiring job, 10 years older than me, loves a nap)....but when we have plans he always steps up as he looks forward to spending time with me. Treat him as he treats you and if it makes you unhappy don't put up with it.

Evelynismyspyname · 14/10/2017 23:32

I was offered tix to go out with a friend... but said no mostly cos he kicked off at me about a week ago cos he said I was out too much & I thought we were having a night together

That's why it's not unreasonable to be pissed off that he spent the day drinking then fell asleep at 8pm on our mutually planned coupley night.

Obviously for most couples one partner having an early night is a total non event, but the context here is pretty clear!

Also curious about whether this is typical - if so IVF sounds unwise til you've done a lot of honest talking.

MartinJD · 14/10/2017 23:47

people saying they would be "raging" because their partner fell asleep? Dear oh dear. OP: Why not just enjoy your own company for the evening and let your other half wake up in his own time?

Best,
MJD

strongasmeringue · 14/10/2017 23:50

Why did you allow him to make you miss a rare chance to see a friend?

Original poster

sooperdooper · 15/10/2017 00:06

I didn't allow him to make me miss a night out, well done on turning him falling asleep at 8pm and me trying to wake him up for 3 hours into my fault though 😳

Some people have got it, thank you.

It's the fact he picked a row last week saying I'd been out loads and now the night we're due to spend together he buggers up that's really annoying

OP posts:

HeebieJeebies456 · 15/10/2017 00:10

And you're planning on going through ivf and having kids with him?

Have a good look at what you've 'got used to'.......
'Going out too much' is a pathetic excuse he's used to manipulate you into 'knowing your place'.....which is what - doing all the housework and ferrying him about, facilitating his wants?
It's good that you like your own company - but don't fool yourself into believing that makes it ok for him to dictate your social-life to you, manipulate you or make you feel guilty for having a life of your own.

You made time for him.......basically you revolved your whole day around him - to your own detriment.
He couldn't even be arsed to manage his drinking so he could spend time with you, let alone apologise for letting you down.
Instead of coming home and giving YOU all his attention - he straight away took himself off to watch even more football.....whilst you carried on with housework?

I wouldn't bother 'reading him the riot act', that's as patronizing as his attitude and actions towards you.

I doubt this is the only time he's acted like a dick.
Don't allow your desperation for a child to override everything else.
I suggest you both sit down and actually discuss what happened/how it made you feel.

It might also be useful to discuss what happens if you do become parents - he may well be under the assumption that you will be the default parent and taking responsibility for all the mental load once a baby arrives.....

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 15/10/2017 00:31

I was offered tix to go out with a friend... but said no mostly cos he kicked off at me about a week ago cos he said I was out too much & I thought we were having a night together

Do you think he's done this on purpose to make a passive aggressive point? Or even straight out to 'punish' you? Now that he's got you to stay at home, he's made sure the night isn't what you were planning?

caringcarer · 15/10/2017 00:46

Well hog the remote, pour yourself some wine and catch up on a box set. It is no good trying to talk to him tonight but try tomorrow. He will probably realise he has upset you and try to make it up to you.

Mxyzptlk · 15/10/2017 00:49

I wouldn't have expected my DH to be fit for a nice couply evening, after a day out with the guys. Did he tell you he'd be fine?
If it's part of a pattern of his behaviour, or if you think he might have set you up, knowing he wouldn't really do the evening with you, you should have a good think about it.

HeebieJeebies456 · 15/10/2017 01:26

I wouldn't have expected my DH to be fit for a nice couply evening, after a day out with the guys.

He knew what the plans were for the evening.
He should have done the mental load of making the link between alcohol and spending quality time together....he should have managed his drinking

strongasmeringue · 15/10/2017 17:01

You gave in to him. He wasn't happy about you going out so you said no to your friend. Then it became a couples night in.

Mxyzptlk · 15/10/2017 21:40

You're right, HeebieJeebies.
I suppose what I meant was that I wouldn't have believed my DH would do the mental load and would be ready for the couply evening, even if he said he'd be fine.
I see it as typical bloke behaviour, but not okay.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 15/10/2017 21:44

How often do you go out? Is it most nights?

ethelfleda · 15/10/2017 21:47

Yeah YABU - I couldn't get arsey about this. At the most I would turn it in to pisstake or banter - i.e. "right, you owe me for sleeping through our night together, next take away is on you..." but as a semi joke if that makes sense?

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