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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to tell people to mind their own business?

47 replies

ifihadonlyknown · 14/10/2017 15:19

Sorry the thread is a bit wordy but I feel as though the details are necessary.My youngest child is a boy who has just turned 5 months. I had a huge gap of 15 years between my children and people seemed to treat me like a first -time mum and offer lots of annoying advice. Also I had been caring for my young nieces and nephews from birth throughout that time so wasn't exactly out of practice. Anyway, he's a bit unusual. firstly he was born at 43.5 weeks gestation which is about the longest 'cooking time' any child I've known ever had. He really liked it in there! He arrived by C-section after it was established that he was in the strangest, breech presentation. I was delighted that he was a C-section once I saw him too. In the98th percentile for weight and his length was off the charts. He looked about 3 months old. I breastfed 3 times before deciding formula was the way forward. Doctors commented on his muscle tone and the fact he could lift his own head etc while at the Hospital still. He has continued to grow and develop quickly. At 3.5 months he was sat on my knee at a wedding and I was busy chatting when I noticed the couple opposite us giggling, he'd been helping himself to fistfuls of gateaux and whipped cream. After establishing that this had done him no harm(the absence of allergy symptoms or gut issues next day) I decided he was ready for food and started offering regular solids. His sleep improved and it was lovely to explore foods and flavours with him. I got serious bashing from other mums about the 'not before 6 months' advice thing but I reasoned that he was the size of a 6 month old and the cake incident told me he was ready. At 5 months he sits up quite well unsupported with only occasional face plants on the floor and is crawling (not particularly well, resembles a wounded caterpillar) but does a great job of feeding himself, can use a sippy cup, bottle and can spoon mash into his own mouth. I'm not bragging that he's some sort of genius because this stuff wont be any indicator of how bright or successful he'll be as an adult, hes just super big and strong and loves food. I'm sick to death of people 'telling me off' for letting him eat 'adult food' and thinking its something I've forced on him. Not strangers because they assume he's a normal older baby but certain female relatives and friends who tell me that he shouldn't be eating this, that's too chewy... Its neglect to let him hold his own bottle blah blah. Its got to the point where I'm not visiting or inviting people over because I feel like throttling them when they harp on at me, Anyone else get lectured for bringing their own baby up their own way?

OP posts:

nuttyknitter · 14/10/2017 22:46

Of course YABU - weaning has nothing to do with size and everything to do with the maturity of the gut.

picklemepopcorn · 15/10/2017 06:13

But weirdly they tell you to wean cleft palate and prem babies early. At least they did eight years ago!

FlossieCharlieCat · 15/10/2017 06:19

Exactly the same here op! First dc now is late teens and was weaned at 4 months...as was the norm. Second dc, now 6 months has been given solids for the last 6 weeks. Tell them to mind their own business.

Blueberrysandgrapes76 · 15/10/2017 06:19

You are not being unreasonable

Clearly he’s a month more than his birth date cos he was late out - just tell the female relatives you’ve been advised to adjust for gestational age like people do premature babies.

That would have you starting weaning at 4.5/5 months which tbh is about right

Jingleberry · 15/10/2017 08:08

Why are you so bothered about the opinions of strangers on the internet when you ignore the opinion of the experts?

SprogletsMum · 15/10/2017 08:11

My third dc was like this. She was born at 9lb and piled weight on. She was just over 5 months when we were having a picnic, she crawled over to a sandwich, sat up and ate it like a grown up would. I've done blw and seen how normal babies start eating she wasn't like that at all. She took bites, chewed them and swallowed them.
We have always joked that she was born as a 6 month old. Now at almost 3 she wears 5-6 clothes and I could easily sneak her into a reception class at school and she wouldn't look or act like the youngest in there by far.

claraschu · 15/10/2017 08:19

I think it is weird that people with kids in their late teens/ early 20s say that the advice when their children was small was to wean at 3-4 months. I have a 22 year old and a 19 year old and the advice was very definitely not to wean before 6 months.

claraschu · 15/10/2017 08:20

By wean, I mean start to feed any solids at all...

ZanyMobster · 15/10/2017 08:36

DS1 is 11 and the advice was 4-6 months then. DS2 is 9 and it had changed to 6 months. According to my mum it was always 4-6 months when we were little too.

Ds1 was starving, HV advised us to wean at 18 weeks. He was on 3 (baby size) meals a day, very little snacking, and went from not sleeping at all to sleeping for longer stretches within a week. He is not over weight and eats a really good varied diet.

DS2 we left longer as he was fine on milk. He was 5.5 months and ate much smaller amounts at a time. He is quite fussy now, doesn't like a huge variety and tries to snack. He is also overweight.

Probably a coincidence TBH but goes to show the guidelines aren't always best.

If you think about it he was more like 4.5 months than 3.5 as so overdue so within the guidelines that were fine for majority of the current population so it's really no one else's business!!

LoniceraJaponica · 15/10/2017 08:40

DD is 17 and the advise was definitely from 16 weeks when she was a baby.

NowtAbout · 15/10/2017 08:47

It was definitely 16 weeks for dd1 (aged 12) and 6 months for ds2 (aged 10).

For the third child who's 8, we were told by a consultant to give her wheat before 6 months because I'm a coeliac.

TabbyMumz · 15/10/2017 09:04

This "no solids before six month" mantra only came in 10 yes or so ago....before that, generations of babies were weaned earlier, there aren't generations of people out there with intestinal gut problems. Personally I think it's a load of nonsense. The "ruling" will no doubt change again shortly. If your baby is ready, feed him.

picklemepopcorn · 15/10/2017 09:51

Claraschu, depends on the country perhaps. We were told 16 weeks in the UK.

WatchingFromTheWings · 15/10/2017 09:55

* YABU to imply that his sleep improved because he went on solids*

All my 3 started sleeping through the night as soon as they started on solids.

LoniceraJaponica · 15/10/2017 10:29

"generations of babies were weaned earlier, there aren't generations of people out there with intestinal gut problems"

How do you know? I'm 58 and was probably weaned at a few weeks old. I have IBS. I know loads of people my age with IBS or similar.

fantasmasgoria1 · 15/10/2017 10:38

I weaned my son at not even three months because he was hungry all the time and the hv encouraged it! He was 10lb at birthday and at a year nearly two stones not fat but tall and strong ( now 6ft 3 and skinny). Advice will have changed again in a couple of years and children who were weaned earlier than six months don’t seem to have suffered any ill effects!

Theresamayscough · 15/10/2017 10:46

Mine are 27/26/18/18/17 and all were weaned around 4 months when they started to wake again in the night and demanded lots more feeds. They are absolutlry fine.

Guidelines then were weaning 4 to 6 months. My grandson was weaned last year at 5 months. He’s fine too.

Guidelines are there as a help not a bloody rule.

Tell them to mind their business op and really are all their conversations about your ds? Fucking boring for you I would stop that right now.

Maudlinmaud · 15/10/2017 10:47

My eldest is 18 and I was definitely spoon feeding her at 16 weeks. I'm pretty sure that was the guidelines as I was a young mother and took everything that was said to me as gospel. I have a 10 year gap between oldest and youngest and the guidelines had changed. My youngest was 9lb and ebf but my god it was hard not to put her on solids until 6mths.
I wouldn't tell people to mind their own business just smile and nod.

Theresamayscough · 15/10/2017 10:47

I am 52 and honestly I know no one with ibs.

shakingmyhead1 · 15/10/2017 11:11

just smile and nod and say thanx for your advice.
Both mine decided when they wanted actual food, one was 4 months and the other 5 months,
the 4 months one just couldnt stop being hungry at all, one day i gave her a spoon of baby food and she never looked back, and boy could she eat!
the 5 month old was sitting on his grand dads knee on xmas day and reached out and took the pumpkin off his plate and just shoveled it in his mouth, we were all :O he ate it and reached for more,
i think they give us clues to tell us when they are ready for the next step,
the 4 month old used to watch us eat, like really watch, total focus on the food going in our mouths, sometimes grabbing at it,
the 5 month old never showed much interest in it till that day but he was a huge eater, had bottles way more often and larger sized bottles way earlier than his sister did, i guess just hungry kids!
and all kids do things in there own pace, the girl walked when she was exactly 12 months old, the boy 16 months, he wasnt interested at all,
she toilet trained her self at 18 months, just took off her nappy and said she didnt want it and used her potty,
where as he found it bloody annoying to have to stop playing and pee or poop and had no intentions of ever using the potty, point blank refused, arched back, stiff legs the works, we was still in over nights at 4,
hes 9 now and still wont stand to pee, again not his thing
they tell you what they need and want, ignore everyone and let him have food if he needs it

TabbyMumz · 15/10/2017 14:49

Lonicera....I only know a handful of people with IBS and they are in their teens.

MomToWedThorFriday · 15/10/2017 15:05

Well that’s patently incorrect. My eldest is 10, advice for him was 4 months. DS2 is 9 and THEN it went to 6 months.

OP, 3 out of 4 of my DC were weaned at 16 weeks - one because that was the ‘official’ age and he was a gannet and two because they were under paeds for severe reflux and it was their recommendation.
DC4 was a bit later at 5.5 months - despite being bigger than any of her brothers she just wasn’t interested. She was also the only BF one though so not sure if that was a factor too.

You’re not abusing your child, you’re making informed decisions about your own baby. Many more people wean before 6 months than after, they just don’t admit it much because of the judgemental arseholes who somehow think other people’s choices are their business.

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