To give DH a yearly appraisal?

[Pandrawerschangedmylife]

DH came home yesterday full of the joys of spring as he'd had an appraisal with his boss and he'd done really well.

Apparently, he's prone to making silly errors and not double checking his work (he does very technical documents) but over the past year he's really improved and takes the time to ensure things are done thoroughly (I'm paraphrasing here).

Great, I'm really happy for him. But....

Why the FUCK can't he do this at home? Why does he never fill the dogs water bowl up when he feeds him? Why does he always leave then bathwater in when he baths the kids? Why does he never put a new bin bag in the bin? Why does he not rinse the sink after he's spat toothpaste in it?!

So WIBU to give him a yearly appraisal, tell him what's expected of him? Then if he doesn't do it, performance manage him out or get a temp in for him to shadow?!

This is lighthearted obvs, but it still bloody annoys me!

Yanbu... provided he gets to give you a yearly appraisal also ...

Well of course if you're prepared for him to do the same to you...

Ha! I love this idea. I'm just milking over the SMART targets I'd give DH...

*mulling

Well of course if you're prepared for him to do the same to you...

This^^

So many people who seem to think it's ok to treat their husbands like kids!
My DH sometimes leaves empty packets on the counter for instance - I just throw them away and not moan about it and I'm certain I have some annoying habits as well but he doesn't nitpick at me!

Well tbh the examples she gives are the kind of thing I'd expect from a teenager not a grown man.

DO and I are at odds at the moment because he is a lazy fucker we don't communicate. Perhaps we should appraise each other and at least we would know what gets on each other's my nerves!!

We do this. Been married over 20 years but nearly divorced after 1st 6 months due to minor irritations. So then we started setting improvement targets and having appraisals. Defuses a lot of passive aggressive squabbling and obvs we jointly celebrate our improvements.

My friend introduced me to the annual appraisal. She and her DH hold them for each other and I might have given my DH the benefit of one on a few occasions

The rules are that it can only be once a year (or less), it must be kind, it must be constructive, and you're only allowed to ask for one thing to change. It's surprising how a small change makes a big change sometimes.

Yeah you may get on his nerves too
The phrase that springs to mind is
' don't sweat the small stuff ' and you know what ? It's all small stuff

Although I would personally pull him up about not cleaning sink after toothpaste spitting , disgusting

I think their mums didn’t train them well enough, definitely the behaviour of a teenager imo. My DH is mainly good about cleaning behind himself, except that he sometimes doesn’t make sure the toilet bowl is clean before he leaves, he just flushes once and leaves it. Hmm that’s what the toilet brush is for!

He’s improving though.

I think a monthly appraisal should be compulsory in all relationships.... Sounds like a brilliant plan!

The sex has improved since our last meeting, but it's still below par in a number of areas. Do you feel you have adequate support for this task, or should we send you on a course?

I think this is a GREAT idea. I'd like my DP to do me too but I doubt there would be much to say as I'm perfect ofc
My DP is great but there's little things that annoy me. This would be a great way to bring them up without being a twat

Very much liking the idea of SMART targets and an annual appraisal. Has anyone thought about what form the performance-related pay might take?

Mittens why just the mums who didn't do a good training job. Don't you think dads should do training as well??

I don't know on this one. I'm great at my job, I remember things a week later without having to write them down, I'm thorough, I know which piece of paper is where.

Yet at home, I can hardly remember where I left my keys, my other slipper, and or what I just said.

It's like 2 different brains, efficient at work and extremely relaxed at home.

Point, claraschu, I was just thinking of those mums who do run after their sons when they’re supposed to be functioning adults.

I do agree that fathers should play their part as well.

I've just realised my dh is living a double life and is also married to you, OP.

YANBU.

tell me more about the temp

I worked with a middle aged man who would constantly shite on about having enough brownie points to do anything at all in the evenings, even something as racy as going for a quick pint on the way home.
It was obviously exaggerated for supposedly comical effect, but the actual background genuinely was that of him having to “earn” his little treats.
Everyone thought he was quite sad.
He immediately popped into my head when I saw your thread title.

I think their mums didn’t train them well enough

Oh bog off.

Literally it’s always a woman’s fault (mum’s) a man doesn’t look after himself and his family and if a woman (wife) does dare to pull him up on it she’s treating him like a child.

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