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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Messy kids. Let kids be kids

33 replies

ParentPanda · 13/10/2017 21:09

Aibu to just let my kids be kids (and ourselves). They play out and come home covered in mud and all sorts. We're quite an outdoorsy bunch so always have muddy boots and clothes etc. If we nip to the shopping centre in town we go as we are. It seems everoyone else gets dressed up in their sunday best just to go shopping! Wtf! Should we be getting dressed up, are we wierd? Don't like the way we get treated just because the way we look especially by shop workers in fancy shops. Truth is we're ok for cash and could probably buy anything in the shop, We even got our bags searched once by shop security guard!

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 13/10/2017 21:13

No you are being reasonable. Children are at their best covered in mud. We went to buy a new car a couple of years ago but the chaps in the Landrover and Jaguar garages gave us sniffy looks as we were a bit welly and grime. Silly mistake. We bought a new XC90 that we thoroughly enjoyed.

Binglesplodge · 13/10/2017 21:16

I'm all for kids being kids, and we love forest school, mud kitchens, and all things nature and messy.

However, there's also an element of courtesy involved. We don't wear our muddy boots, coats and rainsuits in the house and I wouldn't want visitors trailing mud and sticky hands through my house under the guise of kids being kids. If you're going into shops, libraries, and cafes walking mud into the carpets and leaving marks then perhaps that's the reason for the disapproval? It's all about context.

TashieWoo · 13/10/2017 21:20

I think the outdoors lifestyle is great and if I’m ever fortunate enough to have children they will be spending lots of time outside and grubby. It’s the best thing for imagination, the immune system, general wellbeing etc.

But at the same time I think children need to know that they have to be clean when out in public, it’s about having respect for your surroundings. Same for adults as well. If I were working in a clothes shop or car showroom I wouldn’t want someone touching the items/test driving a car if they were dirty.

Bluelonerose · 13/10/2017 21:20

I'm on your side op. Dm however doesn't like taking dc to the park unless their clean and tidy Hmm
Sod what other people think. That's their problem.

Spudlet · 13/10/2017 21:20

We are also an outdoorsy, mud splattered bunch. But I do try and limit the amount that we drop on shop floors etc as much as possible. Someone is going to have to clear it up, after all, and they probably aren't being paid enough to have to be mopping up mud from all over the place.

It doesn't take a moment to swap welly boots for shoes and remove muddy waterproofs.

implantsandaDyson · 13/10/2017 21:36

No you’re not weird but neither are the people who don’t wear muddy clothes out, who do “dress up” for nipping to the shops. It’s just a different way of doing things. But like other posters have mentioned I’m sure you wouldn’t be as rude as to leave mud on shop floors etc, no one should be cleaning up after you just because you can’t be arsed to change your shoes.

Original poster
ParentPanda · 13/10/2017 21:37

Okay I over exaggerate. We don't leave muddy foot prints in shops etc, we do clean up a bit and throw on some clean trainers etc. What I'm getting at is those families that look like they're from a catalogue. Perfect hair and all. Who has time for that! Really annoys me. Feels like we're looked down on. I think people with perfect houses, perfect clean cars and perfect little children must be very sad if all they do is groom themselves and their belongings. I'd rather spend time having fun out on adventures. Just live and let live!

OP posts:
DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 13/10/2017 21:38

Agree with PP that it's a courtesy more than a judgement on you and your hobbies. I don't want to be sweeping/scrubbing your muck off my shopfloor, especially if it has been smushed by other customers and they've wheeled their buggies in it etc. Mud often whiffs a bit, too. So if it's busy weekend trade, I might not get it seen to asap. I appreciate other customers can be messy, too- but you can control this by wearing clean shoes.

I also dress up to go out. I was taught to take pride in my appearance and I think you command more respect if you're dressed in your best. People do judge on appearance - it's the first thing they see and you then have to correct that assumption.

Wolfiefan · 13/10/2017 21:39

You're always muddy? Really?
I don't see an issue with kids getting mucky. But I wouldn't wear filthy clothes to go shopping in.

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 13/10/2017 21:40

I think you're making this all up in your head tbh. Firstly there are no perfect people with perfect houses and perfect children with perfect hair, secondly, if there were they would be far too self absorbed to even notice you let alone look down their noses at you. If you think people are actually doing this then it's because of whatever looks you're giving out in the first place. You're imagining a problem that doesn't exist.

GreenTulips · 13/10/2017 21:41

Well there's your answer

You may beable to afford all the nice things but you aren't wearing them very often so you aren't the target audience.

Shops want the people who spend money regularly (some weekly) as the sell the 'experience' of buying in the shop as part of a lesuire activity

I'm with you - it's boring

EB123 · 13/10/2017 21:41

My kids love getting muddy, soaking wet from puddles and all that jazz. They also wear nice clothes for out and about it isn't one or the other.

MrsA2015 · 13/10/2017 21:41

Unless they've been somewhere to get muddy and such why wouldn't they be clean and presentable? Who gives a crap anyway what everyone else looks like, just do your shopping and go about your day.

implantsandaDyson · 13/10/2017 21:42

Just live and let live yes I agree, but the irony of you making that statement is funny. Why do you give a shiny shite how other people dress or how clean their houses are?

Raver84 · 13/10/2017 21:47

You say live and let live.... but that people who style themselves really 'annoy' you...

Fwiw I let the kids do what they want out in garden whatever, walks etc they also pick their own outfits with some being better than others. Never given it a second thought

slimyslitheryslug · 13/10/2017 21:49

But in the same way that people are seeing a snapshot of you & jumping to conclusions, you are seeing a snapshot of them & doing the same. DD will be looking like a scruff in jeans & and old top tomorrow as that suits the walk in the woods & tree climbing that we have planned but she will be in a puffy skirt & pretty top on Sunday when we go out for lunch with grandparents. As I'm not going up a tree tomorrow & probably won't dress up as much as Sunday, my clothes will be more similar across the two days. It doesn't stop me or DD from doing a range of different things.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/10/2017 21:50

Are you regularly walking about covered in mud as well as your children?! How does that happen? I get being outdoorsy, but a full grown adult walking into a shop covered in mud would look like a tramp, frankly, not like they'd just walked through a wood?

HonestOtter · 13/10/2017 22:02

I actually think that there's a big difference in a kid looking messy and a kid looking dirty. Shop workers are bound to be annoyed if you are leaving mud behind you and making work for them to clean up. Kids should definitely be allowed to be kids but they need to learn about respect too and I think it's the parent's job to lead by example.

Original poster
ParentPanda · 13/10/2017 22:07

This is not in my head. I work in high end retail and wear very smart clothes to work. When im out with the kids and wearing my scruffs and 'boots' i definitely get treated differently. Maybe because I work in this environment it annoys me how im treated. I treat everyone customer with respect at work and have learnt never to judge on appearance.

OP posts:
RemainOptimistic · 13/10/2017 22:09

I like to dress myself and DC up nicely to go out shopping. I also like to dress us in scruffs and go for a rainy muddy walk.

As PP said you're taking a single snapshot of someone's life and judging them by it, to your own detriment. Who gives a toss what anyone else is doing/wearing anyway. Do what you enjoy and what fits your values. There will always be people judging and disapproving of you, may as well enjoy yourself.

RemainOptimistic · 13/10/2017 22:10

Cross posted OP.

Try wearing a facial piercing and see what difference that makes!

deepestdarkestperu · 13/10/2017 22:14

I work in retail too, and I hate it when people think they can traipse through the shop with muddy boots. I think it's common decency to wear clean clothes and shoes when you're out and about - and I live in the middle of the Lake District!

We have plenty of people coming in from muddy walks, but they all have the decency to wipe their shoes and take off any really muddy/wet layers before sitting down on our chairs or anything.

There's a difference between lettings "kids be kids" and not putting on clean clothes before you go into shops/cafes. I think it's a parents' job to teach their children to be presentable in public, and they need to learn that it's not okay to go into shops/cafes/restaurants covered in muck.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 13/10/2017 22:15

I think people with perfect houses, perfect clean cars and perfect little children must be very sad if all they do is groom themselves and their belongings. no you are not judgemental at all are you!!

LeavesinAutumn · 13/10/2017 22:16

I'm either you but more in general. I think cleaning culture has gone insane in this country. Insane. The fuss over teeny this and teeny that. The pride in spotless house. I know of some dc who are not allowed a pen in the house in case they mark something other than paper. In rented fine but your own?
I currently have walls covered in pen marks... It's doesn't bother me one bit, it all needs new paint anyway, sofas are on last legs and need replacing but it bothers me that when dd has a party soon clean freaks may judge us.
I would love to live in farmhouse removed from norm every day civilisation

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 13/10/2017 22:19

Nah you've clearly got a chip on your shoulder and are sending out vibes and expecting poor treatment because of some made up prejudice you think people must have about you. Really, no-one pays you anywhere near as much attention as you hope they do.