Not having BIL as godparent when I am.asking my sister

[Starwhisperer]

We had baby twins 6 weeks ago. We announced it to everyone via text with a baby picture. Since then it seems that everyone we've ever met has wanted to visit, except for my BIL, who didn't even reply with a basic congratulations to the initial text.
We know he got the message, he's talked about other things with my husband side, and even if he didn't it's not like PILs wouldn't have mentioned it.
Anyway we're among the batism. MIL asked about godparent and got seriously stroppy that we weren't asking BIL. I don't think we're being at all unreasonable, he's obviously not too interested in them and that's his right. I don't think either my babies or my BIL would get much out of it if he was godparent (not to mention he's an atheist albeit technically a confirmed Catholic too)
Sticking to our guns on this could cause all kinds of upset though. What do people think?

Need to learn to proof read... hope you get the gist.

I think you should stick to your guns and not be browbeaten into a decision by your mil. If you don't want him you don't want him. Start as you mean to go on.

Who are the other godparents?

Cave into a demand of your MIL's over something that is none of her business and that shit will never end. I can guarantee your BIL has zero interest in being a god parent.

None of her business. Why pick someone who doesn't care!

An atheist as a Godparent is a bit 🤔 What would his role be in raising the child in the faith as Godparents are meant to avow?
You are not being unreasonable. He'd probably hate the notion.

I am godmother to my niece, DH is not her godfather. No one said anything about this. It's very common. Stick to what you want!

Tell your DH tell her to butt out.

Your DH should tell his DM that as an atheist hos DB surely wouldn't want to do it

My husband would, it's me who's the worrier but I do think I'm right here.
The babies would have 2 godmothers instead. My sister and

Hmm
My sister and a very close friend. Both practicing Catholics and both very interested in the babies.

Does the Catholic church allow two godparents of the same sex?

Depends if DH or BIL would be bothered

Can't you have friend and BIL and Friend and sister? Share the duties about a bit

Ywbvu to pick an atheist as godfather imo. Your mil ibu.

I would go by tradition and have three godparents per child. Two men, one woman if it is a boy. Two women, one man if it is a girl. With twins, I would have different godparents for each. Possibly my sister for each, but otherwise different ones.
I wouldn't include BIL. He is clearly not that interested.

I wouldn't mention it again - and if MIL brought it up I would give her my face and say in a faintly incredulous tone, 'Are you actually suggesting YOU get to choose the godparents for my children?'

If she says, 'No' it gives you the ability to say 'Good!' in firm tones. If she says 'Yes' you can shake your head in disbelief (whilst muttering 'Fucking Hell!' if you're me...)

Or you could go with the time honoured Mumsnet 'are you on glue'.?

Your babies, your choice. Don't let anyone guilt trip you.

Yes the traditional Catholic perspective is two of same sex and one of opposite with at least one practicing Catholic.

DS has 4 godparents. A couple from my friends and a couple from DH’s. The couple from my friends regularly show an interest, visit, Birthday and Christmas presents. The couple from DH’s have not seen him for 4 years. In fact the woman didn’t even attend the christening .

Go with your gut, I wish I had

Stick to your guns. Unless your DH would like to have him as godfather, there's absolutely no obligation for you to have him.

3 separate things here

1. I wouldn't judge anyone's potential on the love and support they would be willing / able to offer my child over the next 50 years, on if they sent me a text or not, or even, quite frankly if they visited in the first few weeks. It is a much more important role than that.

1. It has got nothing to do with your MiL who you and your dh choose as Godparents - I'd make that quite clear.

1. (and the most crucial IMO) If he is an atheist he neither can, nor presumably would want to make promises to bring up your child in the Christian faith, surely ?

I'm from a (very) Catholic country and the CC over therr definitely only allowed two god parents of opposote sex. It must be British tradition to have three.

We had similar. One of my BILs works away a lot and we were told he wouldn't make the christening. Decided to ask other BIL and then some very close friends of ours who are regular church goers. Anyway FIL kept insisting that we needed to ask both BILS...i got really annoyed in the end and reminded him that I had a brother too and that actually if we hadn't asked our close friend then my own brother would've been the next choice. Bloody cheek.

I’ve never seen a catholic baptism where the child has more than 2 godparents. Have seen one where the child had 2 godfathers though. Twins usually each have their own godparents.

I agree that BIL would be a terrible choice.

Ideally the babies would have seperste godparents but we have a big shortage of Catholic adults. Most of our friends are entirely different religions and our families are small. Strictly speaking only 1 godparent is needed according to the forms we have to apply for the baptism, we think it would be more beneficial for them to share 2 so they're on an equal footing if one godparent becomes absent later.