To be mad about partners hidden debt?

[lindenlife]

Exactly that really- he's been having a go at me for months and months over my credit card which I've now cleared/ and yesterday I found out he's been lying about the state of his debt too! He lied to me about how much was on there and was only because he let it accidentally slip that I now know it's three times what he said it was! AIBU to be a little cheesed off?!

A little? I would go nuclear!

It’s one of the things I’ve been very clear about with the husband. Do not lie or hide stuff about money. If he fucked up I would want to know about it so we can both come up with a solution, even if I would be mad about it.

What does he have to say about his hidden debt? Is he able to justify having one rule for you and another for him?

Huge, HUGE red flag. Run a mile and then keep running.

Can I ask why this is a huge red flag? My husband doesn't know the state of my credit cards and I don't know about his. We keep money very separate and pay 50% towards the bills, surely it's only an issue if it stops either partner paying their share?

It's not a huge red flag. Only an issue if you're looking into buying a house together as it would suggest poor money management.

Of course 'do as I say not as I do' is a red flag! Being nagged for months re money yet the person doing the nagging is being sly about his own debt, lying by omission? Hypocrisy. Im amazed any woman wouldn't see that as a 20ft red flag to be honest.

Good for you re clearing it OP. & I bet you'll get short shrift from him if you query/advise/nag re his own debt. Not good.

If you’re married you liable for each other’s debts

martell that is NOT true, unless they are joint accounts. Please don't post false information like that as it could really worry some people!

You're not legally liable for your spouse's debts but they do come in to the mix in the event of divorce.

A little cheesed off?!

A liar and a hypocrite and someone you can't trust financially?

What exactly does 'partner' translate as? Because if you're childless and with no financial ties, you wouldn't see me for dust. It's just NOT WORTH being with people like this. If we're talking children, house, 20 years together, I'd be starting to consider my options.

Why did he lie op?

Of course it's a red flag. Having a go at someone for months and months, while lying about the fact that you are doing the same thing, only worse.
I wonder sometimes what people think relationships are about.

YADNBU

If you had separate finances and no intention of combining them or buying a house together AND he hadn't nagged you about your CC then fair enough.

If you have joint finances, or intend to join them, HIBU to hide debt.

And HIBU to hide debt while nagging you about yours that you were dealing with.

People can get very Head in the sand about debt though, even otherwise intelligent and capable people. I've been there myself and facing up to it is the best thing I ever did. But the difference is I was financially on my own, so while I was lying to people about my debt, it had zero impact on them.

Fuck that. Not so much there being debt, but the combination of him minimising the amount and bullying you over yours. A partner should support you, not bully and lie to you.