'Real woman now'

[KissesAX]

I've just seen a comment on Facebook to someone's pregnancy 'congratulations you're blooming with your pregnancy, you're becoming a real woman now'.

AIB unreasonably over sensitive that this woman considers women who've not yet conceived or can't any less woman than people with a child? I'll find it hard seeing this person and speaking to her now, I don't have fertility issues (I'm aware of) but do want a baby soon and I'm actually hurt.

Oh for goodness sake, it’s an ignorant twat on Facebook. Block and move on. People just write stuff for the sake of having something to say. No point wasting your time ascribing motives to it, as that gives them more influence over your life than they deserve.

Block and move on I could do that to my mil too.

It happens in real life a lot. I've been told I'm not a real woman and not a proper wife because I haven't had children. It doesn't upset me though, I file the person who said it under arsehole and move on.

I thought this thread was going to be about someone saying this to a girl getting her first period. Which is also a ridiculous comment to make

It is a ridiculous comment; it's also the kind of casually stupid shit people say all the time. One thing I had absolutely no idea about before I started struggling to have a baby is how many women consider their fertility their greatest achievement. It tends to make them nasty to those who don't share their good fortune, but if you think about it it's really them that it's saddest for.

Bizarre comment, utter bollocks too.

Maybe she just meant it in terms of oh look how grown up you are! Or sonething about being able to experience to full breadth and depth of womanhood? It's just a bit of a weird comment, I can only assume that it was poorly phrased.

Bloody hell!

Wtf what a stupid comment. I had fertility problems and seeing a comment like that would really upset me. I wonder if anyone has commented about it?

Maybe she just meant it in terms of oh look how grown up you are! Or sonething about being able to experience to full breadth and depth of womanhood?

But both of those are also insulting. Women without children (or indeed, who have children but have never been pregnant) are also 'grown up' and the 'full breadth and depth' is just as bad in suggesting that those without children are incomplete.

Kate Winslet was on The Graham Norton Show last week and she talked about meeting the queen. Apparently the queen said to her 'I hear you are a mother' and Kate said yes. The queen then said 'of course that's the only true job'. Kate Winslet was saying how wonderful this comment was but I just thought what?

I wonder how many men she meets and after finding out they are a father states that fatherhood is the only true job. Not many I imagine.

Oh and it's a stupid comment and I would just ignore

DH remembers a colleague claiming to be a real man after his wife had given birth to their first child (this was over 30 years ago for context but perhaps times haven't changed as much as we'd hoped). Unfortunately, I don't know how his wife felt about that statement we can probably guess though !

That's horrendous. I don't think it's a common thing to think or say - I've never seen anything like it. I'd call her on it if I saw it.

Was the commenter of an older generation where stupid comments like that can be pretty standard?

I think this comment is really unfair. Is this what today's young women really think? When I was pregnant 35 years ago with my first child, the nurse taking the childbirth class started off by telling us that we were all shortly going to become 'real women'
This went down extremely badly with all present, resulting in most of the women drifting away and the class being depleted enough to make it too embarrassing for her to carry on. A few of us who chatted afterwards agreed that even though she was a qualified midwife, after that comment none of us could take her seriously or have much respect. (It took one brave soul to stand up in the first place, and say she found the comment offensive - but there had been a dark murmur around the room which likely spurred her on and we would probably all have dispersed anyway)
That's the first and last time I've heard it said by anybody, young or old.
In my experience it's really not a standard comment in any generation.

I had those sort of comments after my three caesarian sections. In the words of one of my colleagues I apparently I do not know how it feels to be a mother because I didn't push . I do not ignore such idiotic comments as I feel that ignoring them is agreeing. Usually I would just ask 'what do you mean?' or 'what are you trying to say?' It is enough to make those people stop and think. To the nasty colleague at work, who probably hoped I would start explaining myself to her, I just replied 'and thank god'

I had those sort of comments after my three caesarian sections. In the words of one of my colleagues I apparently I do not know how it feels to be a mother because I didn't push

A friend's husband visiting me in hospital described my CS as "doing it the easy way"
If I could have got out of bed I would have throttled him.

chirpyburbycheapsheep I thought it was a weird comment for a woman whose job has always come before being a mother. Then I thought maybe she just hates all her movies

Was the commenter of an older generation where stupid comments like that can be pretty standard?

Oh for God's sake! @RoryItsSnowing! Insensitive is generation neutral as the above comment clearly demonstrates!

It was a thoughtless and crass remark, and the OP is right to be upset.

It's a bit like the new Boden online campaign which is all about 'reclaiming' the word 'mum style' and 'mumsy'. I've seen a few comments pointing out that not all Boden customers are going to be mothers, and the somewhat disingenous response from them has been 'Oh, but we're not trying to exclude anyone, this is really about women not just mothers...' As if wearing a Jazzy Fun Cardy being a mother is the universal unifying female experience.

SleepingStandingUp ha ha maybe! I did think she came across rather fawning regarding the queen as if she was desperate to say what a wonderful woman she was. I do sometimes want to tell people to really 'think' about what they have just heard or said and the deeper meanings and implications.

The same league of person also seems to think that 'you've grown up now' is an appropriate comment when buying a first home, for example...

It's another way to 'feel good'... aka a way to patronise and condescend, etc.

I get this and the 'you'd think differently if you had your own kids, you'd have other people to think about' Well, sorry if you failed to have empathy for others before you had children, thankfully we aren't all so self-absorbed. UGH.

Rebecca my Dad used to say that about my liberal bleeding heart attitude. I think he relalises the Toddler won't change me. Now he'scexasperated that my liberal attitude means a 2 or old with slightly past the collar hair who loves Skye from PawPatrol, recognizes Shimmer and Shine and who cuddles his dolls NEARLY as much as his trains.

Its just a way to exhale oneself into some position of superiority. Except they aren't. ..

This reminds me of a twat I once knew who was describing a mum who had come back to work after kids, had stopped dressing “mumsy” and started wearing lipstick etc. He said approvingly that she was “turning back into a woman again”
I was just she was a woman before you know!

I pray someone with fertility issues does not see that.

I just did, on this thread. I bet lots of posters have clicked on this thread, felt upset by it and clicked off. Which is why I wouldn't have started it personally. Don't spread the stupidity.

I'm used to the insensitive, thoughtless and spectacularly thick comments after years and years of it so it doesn't bother me. People can be incredibly insensitive. I would automatically discount anything that person ever says again. They're clearly lacking in something.