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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not wish to work with this person?

8 replies

coffeandreading · 13/10/2017 08:35

My job is partly office based but also involves going out and meeting service users, who are often vulnerable.

Colleague has done howlers such as leaving doors open in crime ridden areas, grabbing at people in a way that makes them uncomfortable and just seems so out of her depth. Like advising somebody that their home didn't smell very nice she stood over and over saying "it smells of shit, yes, yes, it smells of shit, yes, shit!"

Apart from the fact I am doing ALL the work it looks bad on me as many of the service users don't distiguish between us.

Have expressed concerns to management but nothing has happened.

OP posts:
Mulberry72 · 13/10/2017 08:42

Shock She stood there and repeatedly told someone that their house smelt of shit!?!

That alone would make me not want to work alongside her, added to the other things I’d definitely be expressing my concerns again, more firmly and backing it up in writing too.

coffeandreading · 13/10/2017 08:45

Yes! We are supposed to encourage service users to maintain a hygienic environment and obviously depending on the individual saying something jokey like "you got your ex boyfriend's body in there, Sue?" might elicit giggles and then us all cleaning it, but the way she does it is just so weird!

OP posts:
HarHer · 13/10/2017 08:49

Please don't tell me your colleague is a social worker...

The inappropriate grabbing and the very rude comments are examples of poor working practice and should be reported to your manager. If the manager takes no notice, then report it further up the chain and, if necessary, to your professional body.

I am surprised that clients or relatives have not made formal complaints. You are not being unreasonable to refuse to work with someone who is rude and abusive to vulnerable clients.

coffeandreading · 13/10/2017 08:52

The problem is, Har, so many just can't.

The strange thing is, I don't think she means to be rude and abusive. I genuinely suspect she has a LD herself, as she seems to struggle so much with very basic things.

OP posts:
WellThisIsShit · 13/10/2017 15:03

If she's in a position of power over these vulnerable people, every single thing awful she does will be intensified for those people.

Imagine a random stranger 'grabbing at' you in an odd way. Horrible of course. Then imagine that person has the power to effect your life, such as ability to effect where you live, or how much help you get... very different now, isn't it? This woman who has the power to make your life function or to make you potentially homelife or unable to cope in some way. And this woman grabs you in a weird and forceful way...

Shudder.

RatherBeRiding · 13/10/2017 15:10

How have you expressed your concerns? If management are taking no notice, then it needs to be in writing, with dates and so on, and request a formal response by such and such a date.

If you don't get the response then you need to escalate it up the management chain. At the very least it sounds like poor practice, but if you are working with vulnerable service users it could border on safeguarding.

WellThisIsShit · 13/10/2017 15:50

Also... yes, you're completely right that service users won't differentiate between 'professionals' visiting in the same way you are i.e. One terrible person and the others are great.

The one terrible person being able to behave in this awful way to vulnerable people, won't be regarded as a one off. The way it seems her behaviour is accepted by the other professionals will mean that from the service users perspective, any and every person from that professional body may also behave in the disrespectful and unprofessional way she does. Which is a scary thought from someone who has to have these visits and has no power in this type of relationship.

You (& others) visiting with this unprofessional person, and doing nothing to stop her behaving in this way, will also be strengthening the sense that her behaviour is endorsed by the other professionals around her.

It puts you in a really tricky position, and I'm not sure you can do much about it from the service users perspective, except perhaps refusing to work with her? And of course complaining again with a list of clear factual examples, pointing out the impact of this on service users. Both directly and also the potential impact on their relationship with whatever 'service' you provide.

Sadly, one bad persons behaviour isn't mitigated or erased by one good persons behaviour. Someone behaving unprofessionally and nastily will be leaving marks on the vulnerable people she's being allowed to be awful to.

E.g. As a physically disabled person, I was forced to go through a 'reenablement' program as it's the only entry point to adult social care in my area. It's designed to re-enable elderly people coming out of hospital and help them re-establish their independence. Certainly not designed for an adult who can't physically do something and will never be 're-enabled' no matter how much a carer forces me to do it or shouts at me, or tells me I'm faking, or laughs at my attempts to do things I can't do etc etc etc.

There was one excellent carer, and a couple of carers who were fine, but they didn't balance out the abuse I suffered at the hands of other carers who were apparently just 'exceptions' and the 'odd bad egg'. It's their abuse that I'm still battling to overcome years later, being left traumatized and terrified of ever, ever, letting any carer near me in those ways again.

The good carer being good doesn't out weigh the cruelty and hurt of the others. Once someone's pointed and laughed at your fucked up body, whilst you are naked and dependent on them to give you a towel (which they won't give of course, too much fun laughing at my naked body)... well, it doesn't matter how professional the next person is does it?

At least I could fight against this but anyone who's more vulnerable due to sn or not being able to communicate etc. the abuse carried on for 6 weeks before I could get it stopped. Imagine if it just carried on and on...

Just trying to illustrate how different the perspective of a ss team / carer team / etc will be from the perspective of the people this woman is damaging on the ground.

HarHer · 13/10/2017 16:10

Hi,

Coffee... if the clients cannot complain, then it really illustrates our duty of care. We need to make sure they are protected. If your colleague has an LD or other issues which makes her unaware of her behaviour or how it affects others, then she may need training or mentoring.

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