Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

ARRRRRRRRGH

52 replies

cjt110 · 13/10/2017 08:10

Toddlers. Fucking ARGHHHHH! Having a shit time lately and each morning and evening is a battle. Had enough of this shit!

OP posts:
cjt110 · 13/10/2017 10:15

Love bombing. what is this?

OP posts:
AppleTrayBake · 13/10/2017 10:21

Is he tired? What does he sleep like?

cjt110 · 13/10/2017 10:24

Apple - we are trying an earlier bedtime this week of 6pm. He usually goes around 7-730 and sleeps til 6ish. He has been waking earlier lately so an earlier bedtime is a thing to try.

OP posts:
QueuetoaskaQ · 13/10/2017 10:34

This sounds really awful for you. You said that you've mentioned him to a few gps and been brushed off. This, to me, makes me think your instinct is telling you that something isn't typical here.

Personally (and i've done this myself in the past) I'd disregard the gps' opinions and request an appointment with the community paediatrician. I had to do this when my child's HV refused to do anything while my child was so young as 'they'd grow out of it'.

Even before considering any sort of diagnosis - after that first appointment with the pediatrician - we were put on the waiting list for occupational therapy, speech therapy and sleep consultants - all funded by NHS. We started to get intervention by these professionals after about 6 months.

I was sent on a variety of courses to help improve my understanding of my child's needs and what it was like to live life as her. Absolutely fantastic.

My child was then sent to a specialist nursery where she received intense SLT input for almost 2 years. She's now in mainstream school, has lots of friends, is funny and kind - and in top groups for reading and maths.

He may not have any diagnosable condition but that doesn't mean there isn't help out there. An OT appointment, for example, could provide help with bath time. An SLT could help you communicate more effectively with your son and maybe give some tips for making a visual planner to make his evening routine more manageable.

Please go with your instinct and push to get an assessment or some form of intervention. It will do wonders for your own mental health as well as your child's.

cjt110 · 13/10/2017 11:07

I dont think it's anything like ASD but who knows.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 13/10/2017 11:57

See my eldest probably does have ASD. I'm not saying you need to go looking for a diagnosis, but It is worth remembering that he may have sensory issues and genuinely find clothes, water, toothbrushes etc uncomfortable. It helps a little with staying patient. I fostered a little boy who cried that water was too hot when it was almost cold. He needed water cooler than the elbow dipping temp you do for babies. His sister on the other hand liked a scorching bath.

SWtobe · 13/10/2017 12:03

Op I could have wrote your post.

My 3 year old dd has been crazy the past few weeks with tantrums etc. Like you it seems to be mainly aimed at me. Nursery says she’s good as gold during the day but the second I pick her up it’s mayhem.

Everything is a battle I hope it passes soon, I just try to remain calm. I had to send her to nursery today for a break whilst I’m home doing chores etc or my head would have exploded

LakieLady · 13/10/2017 12:06

Send them to the GPs.

DGD (27 months) can be absolute little cow for her DPs, but is always charm personified for us. She spends most of her time here sitting with or gazing at the dog, she's utterly besotted with the animal.

QuiteChic · 13/10/2017 12:19

Love bombing - in our house, meant that I would scoop in on them whilst they were watching teletubbies, pick them up and cover them in kisses and gentle tickles. By the end of week two they would literally run round the kitchen shouting "go away, Mummy, go away" ! I tried to make sure it never ended in tears, so never pushed it too far - but did make them grumpy on occasions (especially if I got my timings wrong), but in the main it seemed to push them out of the the clingy phase. Worked with both of them (boy and girl).

banivani · 13/10/2017 12:27

Yes, what QuiteChic says.

I don't have any helpful links in English I'm afraid but from my Swedish links I've often enjoyed reading Petra Krantz Lindgren petrakrantzlindgren.se/ and I suppose you could feed it through google translate or Chrome. She oftens points out that one should try to listen to what your child is saying, not the way they're saying it, so to speak. Think about how, as an adult, you sometimes feel low and want more love and reassurance that you're loved from your family and friends. When you don't get that automatically, when they don't pick up on your signals, how do you feel and how do you react? Etc.

HornyTortoise · 13/10/2017 12:38

Ugh I get this. I have a 3 year old and a 4 year old and both are pretty horrendous at the moment. Neither seems to want to toilet train either, we have been fighting with DD (4) for 2 years now. She seems to go at school most of the time, but as soon as she gets home she will just sit and purposely shit or pee herself and smirk on about it seeming to find it hilarious. The tantrums are really something to behold and they have started getting very violent towards each other. I find myself counting down the minutes til bedtime, each night which makes me feel awful. Luckily though, bedtime is pretty easy, they se4ttle fast and sleep all night usually. Probably about the only thing I am managing to get right :S

GreenTulips · 13/10/2017 12:42

Look up ASD questionair

picklemepopcorn · 13/10/2017 16:17

There is a great blog you can subscribe to about gentle parenting. I think it's AHA, Dr Laura Markham. I used to get a daily email from her that I found very helpful.

Justgotobed · 14/10/2017 11:03

Hi op I too have a 3yo ds (very nearly 4) who has lately been a nightmare with bedtime, bath time, pj's.

I've tried reasoning with him, asking if he needed help, reward charts with little success.

What has had amazing results is a stopwatch!!! He now takes off clothes (with help) at lightning speed to see if he can beat yesterday's time & his personal best for putting pj's on is 15 seconds.

Only an idea but it has taken the tantrums & stress out of this part of the day for us.

ASatisfyingThump · 14/10/2017 11:51

Can I join in the AARGH? We're in the middle of DS1 (7yo) having a behavioural assessment which is stressing me out, DS2 has a stinking cold and screams every time I wipe his nose, and DH insists on bringing him into our bed when he wakes in the night - It's not big enough for all three of us and I end up clinging to the edge of the bed. And in general between DH and the kids I feel like I have no real space in the house, except in the kitchen because I'm the only fucker who ever does any cooking. I swear I could be replaced by the robot from the Jetsons and nobody would notice Angry and DH has front to complain because "you're always so negative". I'd be a lot less negative if I wasn't stuck doing all the house/kid crap all the time!

picklemepopcorn · 14/10/2017 11:56

Move into DS's room when he comes in with you.

ASatisfyingThump · 14/10/2017 12:00

I can't, there's no bed in there, just a cot. Plus then I'd have to listen to DH complain because he doesn't think couples should sleep apart.

ASatisfyingThump · 14/10/2017 12:02

It's just a case of burnout really - I need a break, but there's just too much going on right now.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 14/10/2017 12:47

OP, he's away from you for five days a week. You're his mum, and at three that's a long time to be away from your mum.

The constant attention seeking may be because he's afraid you'll disappear again.

The problems with bath time - he knows that means it's nearly bedtime, and he doesn't want to go to bed, he wants to be with you.

Reading to him - again, he wants to be awake and with you for as long as he can, so he only goes to sleep when he's too tired to stay awake.

In the morning - he knows that getting ready means that soon you'll be going away and leaving him so he cries and tries to put it off for as long as possible.

He'll be the same at the weekend because he's too young to understand that for two predictable days of the week you don't leave him, and so is just waiting for it to happen.

Right now you're weary and drained and fed up so it may not be what you feel like doing, but can you forget the teeth, bath etc for a few days, and concentrate on reassuring him? When you see him in the afternoon, make a really big fuss and tell him how thrilled you are to see him again. Before you go to work spend the morning telling him that you'll see him soon, and that you'll do x/y/z nice thing with him and how much you're looking forward to it? Can you facetime him at some point during the day, maybe not when he's at nursery but when he's with your parents? Say hello, ask him what he's been doing, tell him that you're thinking about him and missing him, you'll be there soon and you love him. At the weekend, start the days by telling him all the nice things you've got planned so that he knows you'll be there all day?

He'll then start to understand that you haven't gone forever, that you will be coming back. At the moment, it sounds like his fear is that once you're out of his sight you've abandoned him for good.

picklemepopcorn · 14/10/2017 14:02

Ah, sorry Thump! I'd feel like that too!

HeirToTheIronThrone · 14/10/2017 20:43

I’m joining this party. My 22 month DS was an amazing sleeper up until two weeks ago. Now, seemingly triggered by a stomach bug, we have screaming hysterics every time we put him to bed or for a nap. And he’s waking multiple times in the night to scream some more. I know we have been lucky he’s be so good previously, but we are so tired and cross with each other as we have no idea what to do about it.

fiverabbits · 14/10/2017 20:56

My 36 year old DS who is on the autistic spectrum has a meltdown at least once a day because he wants to watch the TV with us in total silence for over 12 hours. Then most of the time he complains he is starving but won't tell us what he wants to eat and he doesn't do any cooking himself. Everything has to be done his way including the recycling and even how the doormat is placed. My DH and I are both retired and we also have a DD who lives at home. When he is not watching the TV he talks all the time especially through any programmes the rest of us are watching or if we are on the telephone. A tired toddler is nothing compared to him.

bluebellsparklypants · 15/10/2017 21:30

op can relate to you just wanting them to be happy with everything you do to try & make them happy. The only thing can add is ingnor bad and reinforce good hopefully he will learn he gets your loving attention when his better behaved. My 23mo will not let me near his teeth but opens wide for DP🙃
Repeat it's just a phase and eat cake

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 15/10/2017 21:42

My ds1 was a nightmare toddler.. But - he is the nicest easiest most helpful teenage boy I have ever met! So there is definitely hope, and light at the end of the tunnel. Flowers

holdthewine · 16/10/2017 00:11

I’m another whose nightmare child 0-16 has turned into a great adult.

Hoping it’ll be the same for you and DGS also 3 who is our new nightmare!