AIBU to think I'm never going to have children? :( single and poor

[AlexanderandPenelope]

I'm 37 and single. I'm on shit pay - 15k a year and I work soooo many hours as a team leader in a supermarket.

I live in a crappy flat that's rented as use all my salary each money. I'm in the SE.

I'd love a child

Oh Alex, I am so very sorry.

I very rarely post. I just tend to read. Your post however has moved me very much.

I know it's easier for me to say (I'm older and have DCs) but you never know how life can change. I hope that your luck and fortune does and that your dreams come true.

Saying that, no one truly knows what life has in store for them. I am divorced and my financial situ is precarious, however I appreciate than I am lucky to have my DCs.

I truly wish you happiness and please don't give up....

Love and hugs

Can anyone share a story with OP.... show her we never know what's round the corner...

I was 37 single and limited monies...

I’m 43 now - a child, husband and still limited monies.

Life can change very quickly and also at 37 there is still time to have a baby.

I hope this has helped in some small way

Thank you both so much ❤️

I was you a few years ago, eternally single, living at home still and not earning a lot more. Met my DP online when I was 38...we're now buying a house together, engaged and if we're blessed trying for a baby. It can happen

Awww, best of luck koot. I'm sure it will happen for you.

OP ... are you looking for a partner? I know it's hard but you have to put yourself out there a little iyswim

I don't know. I don't really go looking... I feel like that could backfire and although I really do want a partner, the wrong one may be worse.

Good luck with TTC

Well maybe you could try a little. You never know....

I'm not saying full on campaign but put yourself out there, be v fussy...

You def won't meet the man of your dreams at home 😬

i'm 37, single with limited monies.....i'm re-training to become self employed so i can work from home/flexible hours.
Once that's up and running i'm planning on registering to become a foster carer.

The idea of a biological child appeals, but the reality of pregnancy,childbirth, the tiredness and monotony of the early years - no thanks. I'm happy to skip that!

Don't block your horizons over a man or pre-conceived notions about how things 'should be done'.

Oh OP, you sound terribly low. I’ve just had a baby after desperately wanting one for a long time. We conceived via IVF and spent £20k in the process. I have to say that as much as I adore my baby, life isn’t better for having a child. Having a newborn is hellish. Would you consider fostering? I hope you find happiness.

I was early 30s when I came back to the UK from working abroad.

I had a tiny bit of money and wasted it!

I was really keen to meet somone and found it very hard. I joined a Christian singles group (I am Christian) and met a lovely man who kept me waiting two and a half years to get engaged. Finally, we did decided to get married when I was 36. We tried for a baby and discovered we had fertility issues.

By 39 I had had by dd and we tried to have another. We finally adopted ds when I was 48. Nothing came quickly or easily but I focused on what I wanted and worked out the best way to get, it plus a massive does of luck!

Think about your options re work, retraining, opportunities etc? Do you want to parent alone or in a couple? If you want a partner how will be the best way to get one? It's not easy but you need to find a way to meet new people if you are not meeting them in your current life/work.

Good luck.

(PS I am not fabulous looking, and I am overweight. But I do tend to go for what I want and am a bit tenacious!)

By 39 I had had our dd (by IUI)....

Plus a massive dose of luck...

Met my now-husband a month before I was 37. I hated my job. I even got signed off with (very genuine) stress. Fast forward three years...we are so happy as a couple. Crappy job is a distant memory. We have been trying for a baby since August. No luck on that score yet. I too really want to be a mum, but I understand it may not happen. That's biology though, and out if my control. My advice for singleness? Work on being happy and confident in yourself first. It is the most attractive quality. Your job pays the bills for now. Not forever. And when you find someone you love, his glad you'll be that you didn't settle for some loser before. Sending you good thoughts.

I'd try and get a better paid job or at least one with less hours if that's doable in your area? I thought supermarkets paid fairly well for supervisory roles-bear in mind potential maternity leave in a couple of years!
Try OLD, look at your options as a single woman re adoption/sperm donor etc-you don't have to do that but it's better to be informed .
Low pay and long hours definitely suck the life out of you and before you know it it's been all work and no play so that's what I'd concentrate on actioning first!

I adopted my DD in my late 30s as a single parent. It is hard doing it on your own sometimes but it's also the best thing I've ever done. I am perennially broke but we survive. sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we expect it to but I'm learning that's not necessarily a bad thing.

It sounds as if you don't like your life very much.

What things are there that you can do to improve your life, so that it would be better with or without a child?

Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in life. I have been trying for a baby for over ten years.
I’ve got pregnant 3 times and miscarried all babies. Most recently at the 5 month stage. I am lucky that I am married but the frustration of not being able to have a child is insurmountable. We have been denied the right to adopt due to my history of depression - linked to my miscarriages and unhappiness and guilt of not being able to give my husband a child and giving my parents a grandchild (I have no siblings). I am now 37 and I cannot carry a child or adopt so I am having to learn to be thankful with what I do have. We rent a house but one day we hope to buy (money is tight as I lost my job following miscarriage due to depression).
But...I have a roof over my head and we have enough money to pay the bills and buy food. I also have loving friends and family (including hubby granted). I realise not everyone is as lucky as me, I’m not on the streets after all!
And to help with the baby thing, I now have two adorable cats!