I know I am but please help me be punny!

[y0rkier0se]

I've been charged with the (unfortunate) task of writing the nativity play for Year 2 (6/7 year olds). The theme is alter-nativity.. I'm thinking the traditional story but with a minimal script and pop songs to tell the story. The pop songs must be age appropriate but I can tweak lyrics. So far I have come up with "born in Bethlehem sung to the tune of "born in the USA", "baby baby baby" by Justin Beiber when the baby is born, "Gold" by Spandau Ballet for when the three kings bring their gifts.. and DP suggested "push it" by salt n peppa for the birth scene but I don't think that's appropriate somehow! Any suggestions?

Most schools have a PRS licence.

I don't think the OP is suggesting a 'something for the dads...' grim approach to family entertainment. Just updating the telling of a story in a fun way- if she chooses the music right children will enjoy learning it.

And as for why a nativity and not an Eid play that's got a huge amount to do with cultural norms and expectations. I'm sure the children learn about Eid at school and chat to their friends who celebrate/celebrate themselves. But children can't do a play for every festival or they would never do any maths, and it seems to make sense to choose to generally do the one of the main/majority/official religion of the country they live in.

Surely the reason this wouldn't work for Eid/Diwali in most schools, is that the stories behind them aren't so well known, where's 90% of the population know the story about the Nativity well enough to understand the deviations.
I do tend to well up a little during the traditional version though so prefer those.

It's a miracle by culture club?

More helpfully, myrrh, myrrh, myrrh, myrrh..my gifts all wrapped up (to no limits). And a Mary intro along the lines of Prince of Bel air (In one little village, born and raised, in the playground is where I spent all of my days. ..)

Anything by Olly Myrrhs

Nerr The Ass Would Walk a Thousand Miles!

(Just to be the ass that walked a thousand miles with Mary on it's back)

Da da da da! Da da da da! and so on.

I'm another one who finds this offensive and distasteful. But then it's OK to take the piss out of Christianity isn't it? You wouldn't dream of singing songs about killing and conquer to celebrate the first few years of Islam would you?

To the tune of No Limits

No no, n n no no, n n no no, mary, there's no rooms free

Very poor

My dc's primary did something a bit similar. It was Snow White, but told largely through pop songs which had tenuous links to aspects of the story. It was awful. And I have a reasonably high tolerance for primary school performances.

It was just song after song after song. All were clearly songs picked to appeal to our age, not the kids. There was almost no opportunity for any actual acting. It was basically like being at a kids' fancy dress disco.

Sorry for being negative, OP, but it really really didn't work! Parents want to see a proper nativity play (even if it's one with a modern twist), not a karaoke session.

I don't have a say in the theme - the theme is set by the head each year and this years is an alternative nativity to contrast with last years very traditional nativity. I'm planning on using a nativity script but making it more fun and memorable for the children by using pop music. As part of their music education they're exposed to many genres of music so it's certainly not just "something for the dads". If our school population warranted it then we'd do an Eid play instead, but we're a small Primary with nobody who celebrates Eid so children don't see the relevance. It's also covered within RE and the parents like the tradition of doing a nativity every year.
Love the Fresh Prince of Bel Air idea, thanks!

The bull rushes is Moses so I wouldn't use that lyric.

Search TES for alternative nativity - there will be stacks.

To be honest the only thing alternative is that you're using pop songs. What about doing it from the Inn Keeper's/donkey's/shepherd's point of view or as told by the adult Jesus?

Or the Babushka story? It's still the nativity, you could still have the stable scene that Babushka misses.

I agree with pps to be honest - the kids won't get it. If you must use pop, use modern songs. Just the tubes, completely rewrite the lyrics. Shoe horning songs with the tiniest most minuscule link (Gold literally has ONE WORD link to the story) is one of the cringiest primary school play crimes.

Stupid idea... sorry and not appropriate.

People were not saying to do an eid play. They were saying would you take key events from Islam, Hinduism etc and take the piss out of it with inappropriate pop songs.

If you do a traditional nativity and they learn some traditional carols then that is knowledge that they will use many times later in life.

I LOVE this!

Okay, alternative nativity:

Opens with the usual "Caesar decreed that a census be taken of the known world..."

Set of a inn. There's a bar, few tables, door with a sign saying "rooms", a reception desk. The place is heaving. The innkeeper and his wife are getting more and more stressed out. More and more people keep arriving.

People insisting that they made reservations, that the room is too hot/too cold, where's the meal they ordered, the wine tastes like there's a rat in it. It all gets louder and louder. Lots of people desperate that they don't have a room, and they've got kids, sick mothers, disabled grandads. Roman soldiers turn up to say they're all making too much noise, and they don't want to have to be back. The innkeeper's wife is nearly in tears. Another bolshy customer turns up, and is so in her face that the proprietors give up their own room.

Then Mary and Joseph arrive on the donkey. It's pretty much a riot in there at this point. They desperately ask for somewhere, anywhere, please, the baby will be coming any moment now. There isn't even standing room only left. The innkeeper's wife is appalled. She has nothing to offer. She asks if anyone else will give up their room, they all refuse. Falling to her knees, she begs forgiveness that she has nothing better for them, but please, if the stable is any use to them, please use that.

There you go. No cheesy pop music. Story alternative but recognisable. Needs the dialogue, but easier to right than redoing lyrics. And no copyright issues.

You could do one narrated by the donkey carrying Mary,setting the scene as they walk and then kneeling as the lowliest animal in the stable talking through the visitors etc, but with donkey opinions interspersed, so commenting that he wouldn’t like to carry the king bringing heavy gold etc.

One set in your hometown and add in local references.

One where Father Christmas does a stage invasion partway through and tries to get in on the scene, being disruptive, and then eventually learns his place at Christmas, (eg comes centuries later as St Nicholas etc). That would work nicely with the children too as they could help separate the two in their head.

One set in a hotel room where there IS room at the inn but then everyone is discombobulated because they were expecting a baby in a stable.

Will it not be really hard and stressful to teach 6/7 yos so many fairly complex tricky songs? I think it would be my worst nightmare, but that may be why I'm not a teacher.

If you're up for alternative suggestions, set it in modern day in your town? No room at inn because air BnB booking fell through, offered garage/garden shed instead? Three wise men arrive on skateboards and rap about gifts? You get the drift.

Alternative nativity...

OK, why not do it if Mary had opted for an abortion?

Anything by Olly Myrrhs

Worra, I actually love you :)