To consider putting a wig in the bed

[Specificbreeze]

My long hair has been dd’s ‘comfort blanket’ since she was a newborn. She’d twirl it through her fingers as I fed her and it was really sweet.

She’s now 15 months old. We co-sleep and she won’t fall asleep unless I’m lying next to her (both for naps and bedtime) and I have to lie with my face next to hers so that she can play with my hair until she goes to sleep. If I move away she cries. This wouldn’t be too bad except for the fact that she pulls really hard, especially as she’s got bigger and stronger! She kind of grabs a handful, pulls her fingers down through the hair then re-grabs and pulls again, repeatedly. She especially likes to go for the hair around my hairline, and pulls so hard she snaps the hairs. It’s really unpleasant and my hair’s thin and broken enough through a combination of postnatal hair loss and being anaemic for ages. Tying my hair back doesn’t make a difference as she still goes for the hairline. It’s even worse if she has an unsettled night for whatever reason, as it then goes on all night which obviously stops me sleeping and results in a very sore scalp the next day.

I really don’t know what to do - if I move away she cries, because I’m taking away her ‘comfort blanket’ so that seems really cruel! But I’m not going to have any hair left at this rate.

What do I do?! I’ve tried actual comfort blankets (she was given a few of the bunny ones) but she’s not interested.

Please be careful with hair. It can get twisted round little fingers very easily and cut off circulation.

Oh this reminds me of when DS used to pick at my mole on my arm as a comfort thing. It started off ok, but as you say, they very gradually get older and stronger and the pain sort of creeps up on you until you realise you can't bear it any longer! To be honest, it was more of a cringe thing that a pain thing for me. It got to the point where I would just keep moving his hand away and saying "owch" whenever he did it.

DS is 12 now. Would you believe, very occasionally, if he is needing reassurance and I am giving him a hug, that hand still reaches for my mole. I just slap it away now and go "gerrroff!"

Let her cry. 3 days - 1 week she’s be falling asleep on her own.

Lozmatoz there is no way I’m letting her cry herself to sleep for 3-7 days! If you’d read the thread that would have been clear.

Why would you not consider letting her cry and learn to soothe herself for 3-7 days OP? Obviously she needs to learn to sleep alone at some point. Do you think this will just happen on its own without any difficulty? I know that withholding love and affection while your child is in distress is terribly difficult but in this case it would be a short term cost with a much greater long term benefit for everyone involved, including your child. You do not want to train your daughter to be anxious and dependent on you from a young age, do you? It is problematic for you and your child if they can never sleep without you in bed next to them. Think critically about why you allow this to continue? Is it because you think your daughter will suffer long term consequences if you let her cry for a few nights? Is it because you can't stand the pain of her cries yourself? Is it because part of you is soothed by co-sleeping and being so needed? It is much better that you take that difficult step when they are somewhat young and easily forget discomfort than waiting for her to become ever more reliant on your presence at bedtime.

At 15 months I'd be encouraging her to start settling by herself.

I used to stop Ds grabbing my hair and glasses by holding his wrist until he let go and saying 'no.' Soon got the message but tbh I'm not that bothered by a child crying if I know they're not ill,hungry or scared.

Try reading "the no cry sleep solution" it has some good strategies. We didn't have the same faff as you but we did have to lie with my DS to get him to sleep each night and as he got older it took longer and eventually it was taking an hour each night and for daytime naps! We did the strategy where you put them down almost asleep and then gradually sneak out the room ( have no idea what it's called) he didn't cry but it did take a while to get him to a point where he would just go in his cot wide awake and go to sleep on his own. It worked in the end though.