Is my partner being UR or am I

[dimondjedi9]

We have a four bedroom housing association property but after my adult children moving out, 1 to un and the other has his own place we are now down to a family of three (primary age).
I want to downsize as I feel that so many people are waiting for big properties and they rarely come up in our area but my partner doesn’t care and wants us to stay put. He works and earns a decent wage so we can afford to stay here but I just feel it’s morally wrong. We have a joint tenancy so I cannot do anything without his agreement.
I love my house but it’s so big for us, even when my adult child comes home from uni it’s still going to be too big, how can I make him understand that we should move, at the end of the day we have a great bargaining chip so could use it to get a smaller property in a much nicer area. He’s driving me nuts as I think he’s being really selfish and unreasonable!

I would be in two minds. First as a family home it would be hard to move. Second, adult children might have a need to come home to live for a while for whatever reason. I know I did.
But on the other hand I would have the feeling that downsizing would be the right thing for others.
For me the possibility of adult children returning home would keep me in the house for a few more years at least but it would definitely be the case that downsizing should be on the cards after say 5 years.

Thank you for the advice, I didn’t think about the possibility of both my adult children coming home. Perhaps you are right and staying here for a few more years is more practical, if they both came home they will need their own rooms.

Personally, I agree with you. You’re in government housing, which you were fortunate to get a house large enough for your needs, the family has grown, and you don’t need to have a house that size, but many other families do need bigger houses and are instead cramped into smaller ones, your partner earns a decent amount- many who rely on government housing don’t. I don’t see it is ‘your’ house, but as a great opportunity you had to be able to bring up the kids with enough space, and also believe another family should be given that chance. I do see your partners point of it being the family home, but would be more sympathetic to that view point if it was a private let; than council house.

I think you also need to consider when your adult children have families of their own. You'll be thankful for the space.

Gosh, both my adult children are at uni and it wouldn't cross my mind to downsize yet - they will be coming home for holidays and I don't know what their plans will be after. They probably won't be back permanently, but i can imagine they might need a place till they get sorted with jobs etc.

I agree with SD1978. I get Penny's viewpoint too but this isn't a privately rented or owned house and I do think that makes a difference. My DH grew up in a council home and when his parents divorced his mum moved into a flat with my DH and his siblings. His Grandfather however stayed in the 3 bedroom home he had lived in for many, many years past when he needed it. I continually offered it back to the council and asked to be moved into a 1 bed place but they didn't (long before bedroom tax etc) - he felt like you and just was desperate to move as he recognised that there were many more in greater need than him. He was thrilled to finally move - yes he was leaving behind the home he had raised his dc and dgc in, and lived out a very happy marriage in, but he was totally unselfish about that and knew he didn't need the space.

Sorry that should say that HE continually offered to give the house up and move - not me!

It is such a dilemma, have looked at private renting and although we could afford it monthly it’s the initial deposit and rent in advance plus is isn’t secure.
I do consider us very lucky to have a social housing property, I think we need to sit down and have a long talk, like I said though I cannot do anything without his say so because it’s a joint tenancy.
My partner have only been getting a decent wage the past 7 months due to promotion but before then we had to rely on help from housing benefits, I didn’t want people to get the impression that he earned lots and we could afford to private rent.

Jed, I'm not sure it does make a difference. If my kids were to come home to live here and I had downsized, they would be able to apply for council or ha housing based on over occupancy. Would it be better that we were spread over 3 houses?

As a temporary 'we don't know what the future holds' measure I think it's fine. Although I guess it partly depends on housing demand. Where I live they have recently put a single woman in a 3 bedroomed house, although they took into account the fact she has a son away in college who is technically still living with her. Term time accommodation does not qualify as a permanent residence.