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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DD's best friend's dad is rude and cheeky

47 replies

MattMurdock · 11/10/2017 01:04

DD’s best friend’s dad asked for advice on how he could DIY something I do for a living, he was then nearly half an hour late meeting me and didn't try to get in touch as I was easily able to contact him when he was already 15 minutes late, he then started questioning the advice I was giving him.

Personally I think its a bit cheeky to ask someone how to do what they do for a living so you can do it yourself and save money. I think its rude being more than a few minutes late and if you don’t want to accept the advice given then why bother asking in the first place.

I don’t want to offer to take on the job. In the past he’s talked about me doing work for them but its never come to anything but he has suggested that I could probably do them a good deal and fit them in between other jobs if I've said I'm booked up. So I know he would expect a discount and priority over other customers.

DW, wants to avoid any awkwardness between the 2 families for DD’s sake and they do take offence at the drop of a hat, always hard done by in some shape or form, but I know where this is headed. Either he’ll want me to “help” him do the job on my time for a couple of cans and a take away curry or he’ll want me to pick up the pieces of a badly done job on the basis of him having done most of the work so there’s not much left to do.

WIBU to risk DD’s friendship by doing what I would be normally do in this situation and be quite blunt. Tell him that clearly he don’t know enough to do a half decent job done and if he wants something done properly he’ll need to employ someone to do it from start to finish but that I can’t help as I'm booked up (until the year 3000 as far as they are concerned)!

FWIW he's got a well paid job, nice car, 2 houses and they take nice holidays so I don't think it's a case that they can't afford to get the work done.

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 11/10/2017 07:17

I'll bet that they were hinting all along for you to do the work for next to nothing. Just say no!

guilty100 · 11/10/2017 07:19

Your answer to this - you need a professional, and I'm booked up - is perfect. You don't need to go into any more detail than that - if they try tactics of persuasion, just keep repeating the message.

Nanna50 · 11/10/2017 07:22

I agree that you should refuse now, maybe recommend someone else but tell him that you are too busy, don't do mates rates (and don't help when people mess up their own attempt). This may cause momentary awkwardness but if he is already late and questioning you then it will be less awkward than the fall out and resentment which will happen if you do the job.

One of my sons is self employed and it is astonishing how many people expect a discount just because they happen to know him!

bimbobaggins · 11/10/2017 07:22

It sounds like a nightmare already, turning up late and questioning your advice. I would definitely say no you are too busy.
And if their daughter falls out with your daughter over saying no is that really the type of friend you want your daughter to have .
Stand up for yourself and say no. If your wife is so desperate to keep them happy get her to help them

OnTheRise · 11/10/2017 07:32

Next time he asks you for help, you could say you'd be glad to: you can fit him in in three months' time, and your rates are £xxx. Just assume he'll be employing you, and if he suggests otherwise laugh, and remind him you need to earn a living like everyone else does.

I hate this sort of thinking. You've worked hard to develop your skills and reputation, and that doesn't come for free.

DressedCrab · 11/10/2017 07:39

Definitely CF territory. YANBU.

Bluntness100 · 11/10/2017 07:44

You don’t need to be blunt, cause awkwardness or damage the relationship, you just need to be busy, “ sorry mate, snowed under at the moment, can give you the number of someone who can help “ and repeat if he asks till he stops.

It’s really not a case of help him or offend him, there is a mid ground.

pasturesgreen · 11/10/2017 07:53

I thought you'd say the kids were 6 or 7, not teenagers! Be blunt or you'll never hear the end of it. Incidentally, OP, you're a better person than me: no way I'd have waited half an hour for someone who didn't even bother to let you know he was running late.

Jasminedes · 11/10/2017 07:58

I would be friendly but evasive and busy - after all, he was late for you. Either that or super jokey, 'oh can't go doing my job for free, got a living to earn' and change the subject. And as a family only do favours for them if reciprocated.

User843022 · 11/10/2017 08:23

'Go for the booked up till 2025 option and be adamant but regretful about it to him.'

This ^ Just be pleasant but vague, you're too busy and change the subject. No need to be blunt or any awkwardness.

pameladoove · 11/10/2017 08:32

It's quite an art turning down requests for freebies.

I get it a fair bit and people have no idea how long these things really take. They assume it's a 5-10 minute job when it would take a few hours to do it properly.

tigercub50 · 11/10/2017 08:43

Bit confused about the post mentioning being cheated on - wrong thread?

YouTheCat · 11/10/2017 08:54

Spam I think, tigercub.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/10/2017 09:22

Tell him to YouTube it, they have everthing on there, from changing a boiler, to fitting a car engine in, so I am sure that he will find it on there. I know a CF like this.

KeepItAsItIs · 11/10/2017 09:25

The girls are teens, no need for the parents to even speak to each other. Do not do this work. Your DW is being far too soft about it.

Mittens1969 · 11/10/2017 09:29

You no longer need to have any contact with your DD’s friend’s parents, now she’s a teenager! Just say no, you’re too busy and leave it at that. Don’t let him mess you around.

Kewcumber · 11/10/2017 11:21

I get this. Yesterday had a mate ask me to submit their corporation tax return "which wouldn't take long" then sent me an excel spreadsheet which requires turning into a proper set of account then a tax calculation and submitting it online.

I have made clear if they want it they need to pay for it.

Frankly if they'd paid me to do it properly rather than bodging it themselves then they wouldn't have got the HMRC fine they now have! I would have been the cheaper option!

deydododatdodontdeydo · 11/10/2017 14:15

As soon as he starts questioning your advice, just say it sounds like you know what you're doing and don't need my help.
Otherwise be vague and elusive.
Some people pride themselves on the freebies and favours they can get.

MiddleClassProblem · 12/10/2017 00:58

If they’re teens, I can’t really see that you need to have any form of friendship with their parents. If they were youngsters and you had to supervise things then that’s a whole other ball game.

meltingmarshmallows · 12/10/2017 01:09

YANBU!!

Mxyzptlk · 12/10/2017 01:11

Don't you only take on large-scale contracts nowadays, which means you can't really fit in domestic work?
It wouldn't be fair on him for you to take it on, when you can't guarantee having the time to get it done.
You could recommend some other people, tho, who'd give him quotes.

ferrier · 12/10/2017 06:54

I don't think I'd go with the too busy line as it will be awkward if cf finds out you're not working 24/7. I'd just be upfront and say you don't do work for mates (any more) as you found it too fraught with difficulties.

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