This is weird...aibu or just going crazy...? Please help me to understand.

[btfly2]

I don't know what it is, I don't even know how to describe it.

I'm not depressed or sad. A bit lonely perhaps. Everything in my world is looking fine but I don't get where this strange feeling is coming from.
All I know is the days had started to blend together, each passing hour melting into the one before. Same with weeks and months...It feels so weird! It just doesn't make any sense, I lead a good life but for some reason I feel I'm not here...Have you ever experienced something similar?? I blame the bloody hormones.

Is it like a feeling of you not being quite 'there'? I sometimes have very odd sensations where its like my mind suddenly 'switches on' and it can feel like hours have passed since the last time ? I know I was there for the last few hours and I remember them but I feel like another part of my brain has been switched off? E.g. if I get the bus home, 3 hour journey , I'm fully conscious obviously the whole time then I get home and like 4 hours later my mind says 'Oh! I'm home, wasnt I just at xyz' .. so its like I've lost a few hours?

I usually put it down to anxiety medication, strong analgesia and tiredness. Hormones probably aren't far off either. I'm wondering if what you're trying ro explain is similar?

Yes , feeling of not being quite there...horrible feeling I have to say.

Have you tried a mindfulness exercise before? Worth a google and read, especially the raisin one. They help you sharpen in on each moment more, worth a try.

Sometimes when I'm bored. I space out a little. I don't tend to recognise the monotony of my everyday life. It's at times like this when I unconsciously self sabotage to try and get a bit of excitement back in my life.

I try to plan something exciting to look forward to, or do something really different or take stupid risks.

Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit lonely. Do you live alone ? Or just with young dc? I know when l've been lonely l have kid of switched off from society and reality to stop me feeling lonely if that makes sense. I have felt kind of numb after a while. It's almost like a self preservation mode.

kind of......not kid of

Could still be depression OP even if symptoms aren't the ones we'd most commonly associate. Worth a chat with your GP I'd have thought, can't hurt to get a general mot anyway

Yes Hidimg l thought that as depression can often be feeling numb rather than very sad .

Not to underplay your question, in case it's actually something you should have checked medically, but what you describe is exactly my experience of parenthood.

Not bad enough to seek help about, but I'm often conscious of the 'hamster wheel' of child-raising and preventing the household from falling into chaos. Sigh.

Exactly Bah, I've had weird time lapses with depression too, kind of like I've lost all grasp of time and disconnected with the 'real' world. Definitely worth a visit to the docs I think.

It sounds like a form of depression to me. Visit your gp and give examples of when you feel like this. What hormones BTW? Are you pregnant, going through menopause, taking HRT?

Sounds somewhat like depersonalisation (which I've unfortunately dealt with in the past). It's pretty unpleasant, if that's it I'm sorry OP .

Any way you can shake up your daily routine some? Maybe you've just gotten in a rut and are doing things sort of on 'autopilot'.

Off you fuck mathamerry aka spammy fucker!

Op I was just coming on here to mention depersonalisation but I can see Historia has beaten me to it. I agree that a visit to the gp would be a good idea

Thank you for your answers, they mean a lot to me. I think I'll pay a visit to the GP and I'll keep you posted.

Thank you mumsnetters, you are a nice bunch and a great support for some shy and lonely mums like me.

You're welcome . You sound lovely and shouldn't be lonely , parenthood can be very isolating. I always think it funny how you get a dog and make instant friends and get to know other regular dog walkers and talk about your dog's etc. Yet have a baby and quite often we all walk past each other with our prams pushchairs every day without acknowledgement that we have something in common. My dc are grown up now but have always had a dog or dogs since they left home ( and when they were home) and have often thought back to how lonely l felt pushing a pram or pushchair through the park and other young mums don't generally engage but now with a dog it can take me half an hour walk a hundred yards. Or maybe lm just braver now and more confident with age to cracking up a conversation. What part of the country are you OP if you don't want to say that's fine. ?