To feel like a skivvy?

[SouthernNorthernGirl]

I'm a SAHM, and accept that the lions share of the housework should fall to me. This is less of a DH complaints by the way, and more of a DC one.

Every single day I do the same routine, after DC are at school. Make beds, sort clothes, clear down bed side tables, pick up and hoover bedroom floor. Same in the living room. Clean the bathroom, start the first wash load, then tackle dishes and the counter tops, floors.
Thing is it takes so long. Toys and books are left across the floor. Bedroom surfaces are piled with items they couldn't be bothered to put away. Clean washing that I'd previously folded and put at the end of the boys beds (I hang dd's for her), are messed up where they just slept with them there. Glasses and cups left where ever.
In the living room, toys are left in piles from that morning. On the table, their breakfast stuff. Once I get into the kitchen, sides left messy, rubbish on the floor etc. Empty packets in the fridge.
I clean this all, just recently I find myself fed up.
My youngest has just started school, and I can't ever get the projects I want to, ie retouching paint, putting nice pictures up, organising etc as by the time I've done all that, I'm sick of anything house related.

Today, Ive just lazed and binge watched, as I can't stand it any longer. Of course, I've now got it all to do anyway, now that I've done the school run. AIBU to make them do it, as a SAHM? Is this usual?

I don't think the cooking is necessary as a job in the house but it is necessary as a life skill you need to teach. So I'd definitely make the effort to do it as an activity, but not as a chore to relieve your efforts.

I agree with poster above, if you don't like doing housework, find a part time job instead, so you can pay a cleaner?

It's not the housework I mind. Washing, cleaning dusting, mopping etc etc. It the huge amount of picking up I have to do, in order to do the above that I object to.

Yeah makes sense, so the Binbag Method is the way forward

I was a sahm and I get fed up with them mess. I now insist on the kids putting plates in the dishwasher. My 10 year old helps hoover. My 4 year old helps take things upstairs and we help her out things away. My kids have to tidy their rooms. Put clothes on the linen baskets, get their things organised for school. Anything they get out to play with goes back before bed. The eldest straightens his duvet some days and we're all responsible for bringing drinks down from bedrooms.

I refuse to go back to how it was. The truth is it's not doing them any favours! Put your foot down op.

Tell them every morning they will bring down dishes. If they don’t you will ban all food n drink upstairs.
They should also make own beds every day even the 4y old. There is no need Hoover bedrooms everyday either.
Same with breakfast dishes they put in sink/dishwasher it’s basic looking after yourself jobs.

It's unacceptable for you 15yo to not being doing things like hanging up clothes. Your 8yo should also be helping.

Like others have said, SAHM or not, you shouldn't be made to feel like a skivvy.

I'm going to start this now. I really appreciate all the replies, and it's a lot simpler in my mind now that I know IANBU.

Being st home doesn't mean doing every single thing at home. I keep things clean and tidy and am there to care for the kids. My DH and both DC (4 and 6) do work around the house. The DC are both expected to make their beds, put clothes in the laundry basket, tidy up toys and we have a no food upstairs rule. Yes they need to be reminded but it's important they know that we all look after our home and that mummy isn't their servant.

The danger is that you end up being the only person with a never ending 24/7 job while the kids and DH have done their "bit" after work and school. In no way is that fair. Might be worth booking yourself a couple of nights away with friends, let them understand how much work is needed to run a house properly, then negotiate chores for everyone, including DH.

That's exactly how I feel Jelly. I love the idea of a night away too, not sure how that would actually work in practice though.

I have started a fresh today, and have told them to clear the table after breakfast. My older 2 also made their own breakfast (cereal & toast) as they know how, they just don't.

I feel a lot more positive today, and will be showing them how to tidy their rooms too, at least a basic daily tidy.

Meant to read made their own breakfast (cereal & toast), and kept it reasonably tidy as they know how..

Good luck Southern. Keep calling them to sort their stuff the moment you find yourself reaching for it. Don't back down till it's done.

I just wanted to update. I now don't tidy the DC's messes at all. It's half term here, and we are now in the middle of a tidying session. We have 20 minutes tidying, 10 minute break and then another 20 minute tidying. I found the idea on a blog.
What I'm noticing the most though, is all the clutter. We have so much stuff, I actually have boxes of stuff that is supposed to be up on the walls, and also things from last Christmas in a bag still

Sounds like it would be a good idea to do some decluttering.

When my children were 14/15, I taught them to do their own laundry. I still washed their school uniform, but casual clothes were down to them to wash.

Teaching them to cook is a necessary life skill. Have a look at the Dorling Kindersley kids cooking books for the 8 year old, and Sam Stern books for the teenager. If you get the ingredients in, there's no excuse for not cooking. Do it at the weekends though, not on school nights.

You are doing way too much cleaning - bathroom and hoovering whole house every day?? Teach them to make their beds. When they come down in the morning I ask my kids “have you opened your curtains and made your beds?”. As soon as each kid is finished breakfast, they clear their plates. Then they get dressed and put their dirty clothes in the basket. Once I leave my house to drop them off, it’s all done. They have to go to bed with tidy rooms, and leaving books on the floor is tantamount to sacrilege. No food upstairs.
You’ve made a rod for your own back, and for someone with clearly very high cleaning standards, are letting your kids become very lazy.

My life sounds the same as yours. I genuinely don't mind doing all the housework but I don't expect others to make my life even harder than it needs to be. All I ask of my DC is to put their dirty clothes in the washing basket and they NEVER do it! There's always a random toy car, felt tip pen where it shouldn't be. No one can hang up their coats or put their shoes away apparently. I don't mind doing everything, but I expect to feel like everyone else is on my side iyswim!

I'm one of 3 and when we were little we were responsible for tidying and cleaning our own bedrooms. And clearing away out own glasses/plates etc. We would also wash, dry and put away pots each night between us since my mum cooked each night. This was never argued about or questioned because it was just normal.

Definitely get them to at least take responsibility for their own bedrooms. If you decide to enter the workplace you don't want to be doing absolutely everything and working either. It also sets them up to have good habits. You don't want any of them growing up thinking it's only the woman's/mother's job to do housework in their future lives and relationships.

Then get rid of some of the clutter! use half term to do it before you get more for christmas! Make it a competition - whoever gets rid of the most gets to chosoe which takeaway you have, or weigh each bag and give them the equivalent weight in money.
People have made millions in self-help books by explaining the basic principle that the less stuff you have the easier it is to keep tidy!

Once you've had a clear out, think carefully about Christmas and what you/grandparents/whoever are planning on buying the DC so you don't end up with more stuff to replace that you've just chucked out.. Do they need it all, can they have more useful things (or one big present) instead of lots of tat, would they prefer 'experiences' (e.g. cinema ticket/gig/adventure park vouchers) rather than presents?

I think learning to cook is so valuable. 15 year old can easily to a simple meal. Mine picked something they liked ..ie pasta sauce. We cooked it together once and then the next week they did it themselves. Often we had repeat meals for several weeks because they were getting the hang of it or liked the dish they had made. We eat some slightly odd things i.e. Over seasoned....but at least they could manage to fend for themselves when they go out into the world.

Oh my god I even get my nearly 2 year old picking things up.
Do a list of jobs that are their responsibility (their stuff) a list of shared chores and a rota that includes whatever is their responsibility.
Make it very clear what you will do with their stuff in communal areas after x day/ time (bin it).

Yes learning to cook is also a very important life skill! We were helping with things like that since I can remember. My 2.5yo does little jobs and "helps" around the house. He even helps prepare food.

Being a sahp is,a mug's game...

I think learning to cook is so valuable. 15 year old can easily to a simple meal. Mine picked something they liked ..ie pasta sauce. We cooked it together once and then the next week they did it themselves. Often we had repeat meals for several weeks because they were getting the hang of it or liked the dish they had made. We eat some slightly odd things i.e. Over seasoned....but at least they could manage to fend for themselves when they go out into the world.