To hate "child abuse" used as a term for other things

[brasty]

Couldn't think of a good title, but AIBU to be irritated at many on here using the phrase child abuse, for any action/words that are not nice, unfair or insensitive to children?

Actual child abuse is grim. Children being beaten, denied food, treated as if they are worthless constantly.

Well, it's all about context, isn't it?

Frustrated parent swearing at child as a one off (eg will you get a bloody move on) is not abusive.

Repeatedly swearing at a child and calling them names I would say is abusive.

You can be abusive of course without swearing - repeatedly telling a child they are hopeless, useless, ugly, thick for example. Making cutting personal comments, laughing at them, mocking them - all of these things can be done without swearing.

I also work with abused children and adult survivors and one of the most dispiriting things is how little money there is now for SS to intervene. There is so much abuse and bad parenting going unchallenged due to lack of money for essential services.

I’ve reported at least 6 families that don’t meet the threshold for intervention. These are children being hit, roughly handled, emotionally abused.

Okay I don't think I am making myself clear.
Swearing and name calling at a child regularly is abusive. Swearing and name calling at a child very occasionally is shit parenting.

And of course I have had lots of training about abuse, even written policies on it. Maybe I am becoming a bit burnt out. You wouldn't believe the awful stories I hear day in and day out.

If my DH swore at me I'd consider that abusive. It's even more abusive for an adult to swear at a child as there is inevitably an imbalance in the power ratio.

Yes it is about context and maybe bratsy was meaning that ?

The lucky 1’s have social services involved

What a c* you are.

You be surprised what the law will class as intimidating behaviour

Child abuse isn’t just physical it’s emotional and mental as well which is why people apply it to verbal not just physical.

YANBU Brasty.
On Mumsnet I've seen:
Giving kids diet coke is abuse
Feeding kids junk food is abuse
Letting kids play out is neglect
Not having any food in the house (due to financial problems) is neglect
At least its not the Gentle Parenting facebook page where:
CIO is abuse
Time Out is abuse
Not responding to every little demand is neglect.
Posters are constantly relating completely ordinary parenting they just witnessed and threads go on for pages with everyone saying "That's so horrible and abusive I feel so sad for the child" because someone they saw on the bus was a bit curt with their DC while they were having a tantrum.

Yes I know that.

Okay wish I hadn't started this thread.
But I still think there is a difference between shit parenting and abuse.

You might have compassion fatigue Bratsy I don't mean to be condesceningbtw but maybe you need to take a step back I get it it can happen.

I agree that it's all about context and frequency.

And also with OP that it is a term that shouldn't be chucked around lightly (I'm sure I've seen it on ear piercing threads, alongside with comparisons to FGM, and I do think the scale of gravity is wrong sometimes)

Repeatedly swearing at a child is emotional abuse.

A one off incident where you swear at a child is not 'abuse' but it is abusive.

That did come over as cobdescending sorry,

unlimiteddilutingjuice

and WinnieTheWorm

Agreed, some of those are shit parenting, some a matter of opinion. But none of it is child abuse. And comparing ear piercing to FGM is pretty offensive.

MrsJayy I think you are being lovely, thanks

Of course there’s a difference between shit parenting and abusing a kid.
My dad was a shit parent and abused me. Most shit parents are abusive. It’s as simple as that.

If you’re not going to parent your kid properly then you’re neglecting them, or abusing them. I don’t really understand your post at all. It’s angering.

A one off incident of swearing at a child is shit parenting, not abuse.

IMO there is a difference between someone (be that child or adult) having been a victim of abuse and someone being guilty of abusive behaviour.

E.g. If you swear at your child, partner etc in the heat of an argument it could be argued that you are guilty of abusive behaviour, but that doesn't make you an abuser, iyswim.

So a child who is sworn at as a one off may feel hurt, upset by that one off interaction, but it doesn't make them a victim of child abuse in the same way that being spoken to as a constant does. It does mean that the person doing the swearing was on that occasion abusive, but it doesn't make them an abuser. Iyswim.

I don’t think my post made sense. What I mean to say is that you can be a shit parent and neglect a child. I’ve seen “shit parents” they haven’t abused their kid.

But you can have shit parents that do abuse too.

It’s very difficult to label a parent with how good or bad they look after a child because in essence any crap parenting that’s done a regular basis just means that kid ain’t being looked after right. Neglectful parenting.

brasty I would believe it, I'm sad to say.

I don't think a parent swearing on the odd occasion is shit parenting. I think that's holding human beings to an impossibly high standard. Exasperated parent says to child "oh for fucks sake". Not great but we are all human.

Exasperated parent says "for fucks sake, you're a useless fucking idiot". That's much worse. Depending what else goes on that could well be a marker for abuse.

I think the point here is that If it’s done consistently then it’s abuse. Right?

I work with children and have reported loads of concerns to SS over the years, most of which 'doesn't meet the threshold'.

The problem is funding and resources are so stretched that children have to be battered black and blue, starved or able to prove they have been sexually abused before they can 'meet the threshold'.

I don't know what your job is OP but maybe you are so used to seeing and dealing with the extreme end of abuse, that you have forgotten what a huge spectrum it is.

No child should have to put up being sworn at, but lots do because the resources aren't there.

It's heartbreaking to see it and not being able to help.

And comparing ear piercing to FGM is pretty offensive.

They're on a scale. Same as removing the foreskin of a baby boy - if you're modifying a child's body without their consent, that is on the scale of abusing them physically. However, to say ear piercing a baby is as extreme as FGM is quite offensive, as they both have completely different long term effects.

brasty I do get what you are trying to say and actually I agree.

Services are so stretched at the moment I can well believe that shit parenting that is awful and damaging - but not awful and damaging enough - goes under the radar.