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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people don't have a bloody clue!

87 replies

Whatarepeoplethinking · 09/10/2017 20:10

Have NC as this is very outing.

I seriously hurt my foot, am in a lot of pain, and have had to use crutches for the past two weeks - still not able to put any weight on my foot.

I've had a crash course in how it feels to be, albeit temporarily, disabled. People are so inconsiderate and rude! They'll block the path and refuse to let you pass. They'll walk past you and knock your crutch out from under you. They'll give you funny looks as if you're deliberately taking up more space and walking slower than they're happy with. And using the disabled 'wheelchair shopping cart' thingy in the supermarket...people won't let you pass. You get dirty looks because you're taking up too much space and need to manoeuvre around things.

AIBU in thinking that people are rude, inconsiderate assholes that don't have a bloody clue? My regard and respect for disabled people has trebled in the past two weeks - it's only been two weeks for me - to go through this on a daily basis for months and years must be so difficult Sad. To all the disabled people out there - I salute you.

OP posts:
IHeartDodo · 09/10/2017 21:01

I had a full leg brace for a few weeks when I dislocated my kneecap, and although people were quite helpful, I found the staring pretty disconcerting!
Children just openly stared, but adults did that weird sly looking-when-they-think-you're-not thing!

JumpingJellybeanz · 09/10/2017 21:07

This is my world too. At one point I became pretty much housebound. Not because of my disability but because I just couldn't cope with being abused every time I went out.

CaveMum · 09/10/2017 21:12

My dad is totally blind (no guide dog but uses a stick). The crap he's had to put up with from other people over the years is gobsmacking to me:

  • Neighbours leaving their wheelie bins strewn across the pavement
  • Drivers parking half on the pavement and obstructing his path
  • Bus drivers stopping inconsiderately - once a driver stoped with the door half across the bus shelter. He didn't tell my dad where he was positioned so as he got off the bus he walked smack into the side of the shelter and cut his head open
  • Cyclists on the pavement - I was walking with my dad once and a young man literally cycled straight into us
Original poster
Whatarepeoplethinking · 09/10/2017 21:16

So sad to hear about your stories Sad. I generally find that people are helpful when you ask them, but if you don't ask, they'll just stare. I've had more horrible than nice from people I'm afraid.

OP posts:
Storminateapot · 09/10/2017 21:19

You're not wrong at all. I have unfortunately become disabled and wheelchair dependent when out in the last few months. I had NO CLUE how appallingly disabled people are sometimes treated and how generally poor accessibility is. It's been a real eye-opener. Sad

FancyBeans · 09/10/2017 21:20

I was wheelchair-bound for a while following a hip surgery when I was 20 and luckily I didn't have anyone majorly inconsiderate, this was quite a few years ago (about eight) so times may have changed-gosh, I'm starting to feel old now!

Pollaidh · 09/10/2017 21:22

I've used wheelchairs/crutches for about 4 of the last 7 years and experienced both extreme consideration, and awful treatment. Thanks for this, reminds me to post a blog about a recent wheelchair experience with a well known company.

In town I've been knocked to the ground twice by someone knocking my crutches out from underneath me. I've been entirely ignored and spoken over. Parked facing the wall. Someone on a crossing actually tried to run me over because I wasn't getting over fast enough (on crutches, whilst pregnant). I've had a self-admitted able-bodied man refuse to let me sit down on an empty disabled seat on a train. I've also had genuinely lovely helpful treatment from dodgy-looking youths in hoodies.

FindingNemoandDory · 09/10/2017 21:23

I went with an older relative to a sporting event for her birthday. She's not able to go up stairs and so we were trying to find seats in the front rows rather than climbing up steps to further back row. There were spaces, if people moved up etc.

Nobody did, people just tutted and huffed and craned their heads round us (this was not mid competition or at an exciting moment) even though it was apparent we couldn't go up steps and relative was very uncomfortable on what was a special day out for her. I was horrified especially as I later recognised someone (they didn't see my face)

I had to ask and then people made space - and as I say it was obvious we couldn't go anywhere else

FindingNemoandDory · 09/10/2017 21:24

This was also a relatively low key event without allocated seating and we were there early

raspberrysuicide · 09/10/2017 21:25

I've been a wheelchair user for 7 years and found that on the whole people are very helpful and talk to me like they would anyone else.
There are a few exceptions of course.

Happyhippy45 · 09/10/2017 21:34

My daughter was a wheelchair user for a while. A big eye opener.
The stares. People only speaking to who was pushing her. People staring whilst blocking your path with no intention of moving even when I cheerily said "EXCUSE ME PLEASE!"
I've recently had a relapse of MS and I'm using sticks. I really should be using my wheeled walker but I'm not brave enough to cope with the stares yet. I live in a small town and people know me but not about my MS.
Today a young man walking towards me with his dog was staring like he didn't know what to do. Dog was off the lead, friendly and came bounding toward me. I said "Don't jump up on me! You might knock me over!" like the dog understood Dog jumped up on me, I wobbled but amazingly stayed standing. The owner called him back and was really uncomfortable and kind of muttered an apology. He looked terrified. Scary disabled lady ffs.
These people I'm sure are in the minority. Most people are just uncomfortable and don't know what to do. Some are lovely and treat you normally.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 09/10/2017 21:55

YANBU. I tore my calf muscle a few years ago, and while I was still able to be mobile, I could only move slowly, couldn't stop or change direction suddenly, and couldn't manage stairs. It was an eye opener. I'm very aware around people with mobility problems now. As for how blind people are treated - I intervened once at a taxi rank because people kept skipping past a blind man in the queue. Shameful.

Allergictoironing · 09/10/2017 21:56

Ah, memories of about 10 years ago when I was commuting into London & needed to use a walking stick. People barging past/through me to get on the train first, or onto/off the escalators. Tutting from people when I wouldn't move from the side of stairways as I was using the hand rail to haul myself up and they didn't want to diverge a couple of inches from their route etc.

My favorite used to be getting on the train & people suddenly getting very interested in what they were reading, so they "didn't see" me. I've caught people "reading" an upside down book/iPad rather than look up. Of course if the train lurched then I would lurch a bit too, and it wasn't MY fault if the stick came down hard on the foot of the person sitting right next to the clearly disabled person having to stand up because nobody "noticed" me. Like when they'd barge past to get on the train, & I would accidentally catch them across the shin with the stick as I was pushed aside.

On the other hand, I would receive unexpected acts of kindness and consideration from total strangers going out of their way to help me.

Original poster
Whatarepeoplethinking · 09/10/2017 22:00

Of course if the train lurched then I would lurch a bit too, and it wasn't MY fault if the stick came down hard on the foot of the person sitting right next to the clearly disabled person having to stand up because nobody "noticed" me.

That made me laugh Allergic Grin. I think I should put my crutches to better use Wink.

OP posts:
sadiemm2 · 09/10/2017 22:01

I use sticks and splints, depending on pain levels, and joint wobbliness. I have experienced kindness, such as a little boy tying my shoelaces Grin And a cute boy in lush getting me a stool when I was fainting.... On the other hand, some folks kick my stickxs, tut, ask outright why I'm walking with a stick... Last week at the RSC I was Sat on the end of a row (extra room for bad knees) and a couple came in late, and wouldn't let me move in a way that stops me from hurting my knees, and complained to the usher. I collared them later, and told them how rude they were.

TabbyMumz · 09/10/2017 22:03

Martha and OP....I am never scary, I was always quite polite and never experienced some of the stuff people are saying on here. Sorry to disappoint you.

ziggy1986 · 09/10/2017 22:13

Yes people are total fuckers.

People are randomly v kind too but a lot of people are total fuckers.

mineofuselessinformation · 09/10/2017 22:29

It's not just wheelchair users, although that is bad enough in itself.
Dc2 is severely visually impaired (although try telling that to DWP!) and uses a cane in crowd situations.
The number of people who walk straight at them, despite the very visible cane, is shocking. Angry

goose1964 · 09/10/2017 22:39

I use a walking stick due to arthritis and I find people open doors for me, give up their seats for me etc.

ProfessorCat · 09/10/2017 22:47

Yes, people in wheelchairs are seen as lesser beings. I am talked over, across, about etc when I am there and fully able to engage.

People have stopped trying to move me though now I've changed from a manual to electric wheelchair. The last time I was picking a magazine and someone tried to move my chair out of the way, I did a high pitched scream, right in their face and they ran away Grin

I was at the hospital the other day and when I got across the car park, someone had illegally parked over the only dropped kerb up to the door. He was sat in the car and saw me but completely ignored me and pretended to play on his phone. I had to knock on his window and ask him to move the car so I could get into the hospital. He did move, with much eye rolling,huffing and puffing.

brasty · 10/10/2017 01:55

I have a disability which means I sometimes have to use a wheelchair.
I have found some people to be very kind and others ignorant e.g. ordering food in a cafe and the server asking my friend with me questions about the order.

brasty · 10/10/2017 01:56

And the parking on dropped kerbs drives me round the bend. They are crucial for many people.

nocoolnamesleft · 10/10/2017 02:04

I need a stick to walk. Mostly, I have found people very helpful. And then I had to travel down to London. Oh god. It was awful. Pushed, shoved, tripped, not a chance in hell of a seat. Eye opening.

SweetCrustPastry · 10/10/2017 02:05

Imagine what it's like when someone's disability is not visible.

TheClaws · 10/10/2017 02:50

I can relate to the “funny looks” part of your post. I have MS and on occasion have had to use a wheelchair. People either don’t look at you or do an odd, quick, uncomfortable peek at your face like you might suddenly start talking in tongues. That’s that part I don’t like - I’m not treated like a normal person any more.

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