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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to walk out of hospital appt?

59 replies

Allfednonedead · 09/10/2017 11:38

I'm waiting to be seen in an endocrinology clinic because my underactive thyroid gland has been problematic this year
I've just realised the doctor is the same man I saw last time, who apparently knew less about Hashomotos (my illness) than I do, who dismissed what I said, and triggered a major bout of suicidal thinking six months ago.
Do I run away, go in when called and tell him I refuse to see him or suck it up and risk similar?
Basically, IMO he is less competent than my GP and I can't bear it.
Ps I know I'm overreacting, but I cannot make myself calm down and be sensible.

OP posts:
ofudginghell · 09/10/2017 12:18

Had a similar experience with an endocrinologist before my removal surgery due to an over active and toxic thyroid.
I eventually refused to see him again and requested someone else as he refused to refer me to a surgeon just so I could speak to her and her her view.
Saw the new guy and within ten minutes he had referred me to the surgeon and within two weeks I had emergency surgery for thyroid removal due to the very high risk of a stroke and the strain on my heart.

Go with your gut op. I did and am so glad.

Mrsdraper1 · 09/10/2017 12:19

YANBU the only problem is if you walk out the only person you are harming is you. I assume you need medical help for your illness. I can totally understand why you feel the way you do but you need treatment and you may even feel better mentally if your condition is better under control so please don't walk out. But see the desk and explain, I am sure they will help you

LewisThere · 09/10/2017 12:20

What rainbow said.
You can also ask to be referred to a different hospital (so will be a different consultant). It will take a bit of time to be re referred again but totally ok as you can ask for a second opinion anyway.

GinnyWreckin · 09/10/2017 12:20

Poof, what a comment there for all to see your true colours Sloe. How fucking charming are you?

LewisThere · 09/10/2017 12:22

For those saying that the OP would be harming herself by walking away.
Seeing that she went suicidal for 6 months last time she saw that consultant, I would gather that seeing him again is very clearly a very high risk for her health and life .....

Danceswithwarthogs · 09/10/2017 12:23

I'd give it a chance,

as PP suggested, take a friend, take notes, go in with a written list of all you want to discuss. Be positive and not abrasive but also uncompromising and don't leave the appointment without answers to your concerns or a clear plan of what happens next.

If you still feel it's unsatisfactory, then it's the perfect time to push for second opinion...

Otherwise flouncing out or missing appointments will get you nowhere and possibly appear obstructive/awkward. Maybe the endo wasn't having the best day or hadn't had time to fully read your notes last time?

My hashimotos took ages to sort out but got there in the end Smile

Reallytired3 · 09/10/2017 12:24

I have had this twice now, one consultant just talked down to me and said all my symptoms were in my head because my blood results were 'normal' and at another appointment there was another consultant sat in the room and she just sat there looking out the window while the consultant said I had put a lot of weight on.

I am due back this month but don't really want to go because i just wait forty five minutes for an appointment to spend five minutes being talked down to by a locum who seems to know nothing about hashimotos.

GinnyWreckin · 09/10/2017 12:24

OP can you bring any information /research you may have done yourself with you into the room? Can you do a quick google?

That tip of saying, "as you know" is an excellent one from a Pp.

If you're feeling vulnerable I would ask if a nurse could pop into your appointment with you. Moral support is sometimes all it talkes for you to be able to function, even if the nurse just sits there says nothing, it can give you courage.

Best of luck with it. Let us know how you get on.

onlyindreams · 09/10/2017 12:25

So long as you dont expect the NHS to fund another appointment for you
I'd rather save my ire against the drunks who use up huge resources of NHS funds every weekend across the whole country.

tippz · 09/10/2017 12:32

@SloeSloeQuickQuickGin

So long as you don't expect the NHS to fund another appointment for you

What a horrible thing to say. Sad

FFS, the OP had suicidal thoughts after feeling like she was being told very little is wrong with her!!!! Angry

@Allfednonedead

Can you see your GP to ask to see another specialist? My friend has a chronic illness and goes to a clinic every 6 months for assessment, and to monitor it, and last year, she saw a 'specialist' who didn't make eye contact, just ummed and ahhed, and said 'do you want a steroid injection then?' after she had said 45 seconds before that the last one made her ill and she doesn't want another one.

In addition, she told him her joints had been very stiff and she has been sufferering pain in her hips and hands. The write-up for the file and the GP, said 'Mrs Smith has not reported any issues.'

The twat had not listened to a WORD she said. She made it clear to the clinic that she was pissed off and angry (a few days later,) and she was never allocated that man again.

Maybe, if it's too late to do anything about it now, go see him again, and if it goes badly again, put in a complaint immediately and say you never want to see him again, as he is not doing his (very well paid for) job correctly.

Me and you, and many people on mumsnet are funding this fucking donkey! Don't put up with it!

claraschu · 09/10/2017 12:39

I ended up crying uncontrollably after an appointment like that (it was for my son), and the wonderful person behind the appointment desk ended up getting my son an appointment with the top specialist at the hospital (had to wait 3 months, but worth it). When the expert finally saw my son, he immediately diagnosed the problem and eventually cured it.

I guess my point is that it is worth asking for help in getting to see the best doctor while you are actually in the hospital.

chirpyburbycheapsheep · 09/10/2017 12:51

I think if people haven't struggled with long term health problems and the exhaustion that brings it is sometimes hard to imagine how a doctor can bring you to tears by simply not hearing you or not understanding what you are living with. I really do understand your need to flee. Initially I thought, as other pp said, that this might go against you, but then I thought if it saves you feeling so desperately distressed then that is fine. But I would maybe suggest telling the receptionist you are leaving and why you are leaving and see that she writes it down so that it doesn't look like you simply walked out.

I think it is terrible that seeing someone like a consultant who should do their best to help can lead to such distress. It is wrong that appointments are so hit and miss and that one person in one county can get top class care and someone three miles away in another county can get dismissed and spoken to as if they are malingering. Good luck with whatever you decide Flowers

tribpot · 09/10/2017 12:52

Are you sure you're seeing him? Normally at hospital appointments my DH has been at, the letter refers to the overseeing consultant, but we rarely ever see him/her - usually a junior doctor.

Given how a poor appointment might impact on you, can you have someone go with you to advocate for you? (I can't work out from your post if you are literally in the waiting room now, or you're waiting to be seen in the sense that your appointment is coming up in a few weeks).

Original poster
Allfednonedead · 09/10/2017 12:54

Thank you all very much for such lovely supportive messages. I did go in and see him - my OP was while I was waiting to be called, in a panic having just realised it was him.
I managed to put my big girl pants on and tell him why I was reluctant to see him, then felt horrible about having hurt his feelings. Sigh. Why am I such a wimp?
Anyway, it was a pretty pointless appointment apart from getting to say my piece, as he still didn't know all that much, but at least he's going to talk to his consultant in case there is any point in further investigations.
Again, thank you for the support. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one to feel like this sometimes.
Ps Sloe I was proposing to leave and never come back, so no, not expecting the NHS to fund another appt.

OP posts:
Ropsleybunny · 09/10/2017 12:59

I'd keep the appointment and smile and nod. Then do your research and find out who is an expert in your particular condition and get a referral to them. Your are entitled to that on the NHS.

Maria1982 · 09/10/2017 13:01

Hi allfed I'm glad it went okay, though sorry he was unhelpful.
Can you ask to see someone else? Either at the same clinic, or ask your GP to refer you to someone else?

Ignore unsympathetic comments. After waiting months to be referred to a clinic, I saw someone really helpful. My second time at clinic was complete opposite and I left almost in tears of frustration (it felt like 1 ate forward 1 step backward in managing my condition).

PS don't feel guilty about his feelings! I'm sure you were polite but factual, in which case if he's a good professional he should take the feedback and go about improving his knowledge!

Welshmaenad · 09/10/2017 13:01

Well done Allfed. I know how hard that must have been, especially telling him how he made you feel last time. Maybe he will reflect on his manner with patients and you will have saved someone else being made to feel the way you did.

I hope his consultant has a better understanding of your condition but you can always ask your GP to refer you to someone else. Good luck.

humblesims · 09/10/2017 13:01

I managed to put my big girl pants on and tell him why I was reluctant to see him, then felt horrible about having hurt his feelings. Sigh. Why am I such a wimp
Certainly not a wimp OP. You were fearful but went in anyway. AND told him what you wanted to. Thats not a wimp. Thats brave. Well done, hope you get some resolution to the prob.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 09/10/2017 13:02

You are wonderful OP. I truly mean that. Not only did you conquer your fear to see him, but you spoke up for yourself. GOOD FOR YOU! I have visions of Maria from the Sound of Music singing "I have Confidence in Me" now :). Time for a well-earned treat to reward yourself.

Anyway, it was a pretty pointless appointment apart from getting to say my piece, as he still didn't know all that much, but at least he's going to talk to his consultant in case there is any point in further investigations

Sounds like it was the Dr who was wasting NHS time/money to me.

PovertyPain · 09/10/2017 13:03

Well done, op. Don't feel guilty about hurting his feelings, as he didn't give much thought to yours. TBH, he's probably more worried about you complaining about him. He'll probably do some research now, so you've probably prevented the next patient, with the same illness, from being treated in the sane way. It wasn't a waste, since he's going to speak to the consultant. You might actually get help, this time.

spiderlight · 09/10/2017 13:05

Well done for speaking up! Hopefully he'll learn from that.

existentialmoment · 09/10/2017 13:10

You've obviously never had the experience of severe trauma being triggered by a crap medical professional

I have, but it involves a hell of a lot more than a simple talk with a doctor you felt wasnt knowledgeable enough Hmm

timeistight · 09/10/2017 13:14

You have my sympathy OP. I know how this can feel and how poor treatment for thyroid disease is in the UK. I would ask to see someone else and see how you go, but I have to say, in my experience, you'll be very lucky to get an endo who is not basically aligned to diabetes and you'll probably find there is more expertise and knowledge in your local patient group.

I don't think it would be appropriate though for you to see someone who has previously had that effect on you, even with a chaperone. Speak to the nurse.

Let us know how you get on.

Welshmaenad · 09/10/2017 13:23

existential, neither the OP or myself suggested that it was merely a lack of knowledge that was triggering, so I'm not sure why the rolly eyes. In my case it was an uniformed nurse telling me that my (consultant approved) treatment plan was going to kill my unborn baby. Things people say, especially when they hold power over you, can be enough to induce trauma.

Welshmaenad · 09/10/2017 13:23

uninformed

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