To think most women have had a miscarriage at some point?

[brasty]

I get the impression from talking to friends, that most women have had a miscarriage at some point, although most are very early on. Is my impression correct do you think?

[ElizabethShaw]

Of my close friends/relatives with children, more have than haven't. Several at 5-7 weeks, two at 8, an ectopic, mmc at 12 weeks and stillbirths at 20 something weeks and full term.

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

I also again want to say I think the 'no one knew in the past' thing is overblown. Mary Queen of Scots said she miscarried seven weeks after her wedding in 1567. While some people have suggested that she was actually pregnant before the wedding, for her story to have made any sense it must have been accepted in the sixteenth century that it was possible to miscarry and know about it at nine weeks or less gestation. There are accounts of that time where people talk about miscarrying 'a few days after conception', by which they presumably meant soon after a missed period.

[CountFosco]

You're a better person than me Uterus - I struggle to properly sympathise with people who have basically had a late period, equating their loss with a late miscarriage or stillborn.

I had a single very early miscarriage and then went on to have several healthy children. I don't usually talk about it. But that early miscarriage was one of the most upsetting things that happened to me and in hindsight I was depressed for about a year after it happened. It was much harder to deal with than my much loved father dying of cancer. You can't assume grief A always is worse than grief B.

Dad being ill and dying was horrible and stressful but it was public and friends and colleagues were supportive. And the emotions were simple, we loved him and didn't want him to die and he didn't want to die either.

I had a miscarriage of an unplanned pregnancy. No-one except DH knew about it so I couldn't talk about it. My emotions about my loss were complicated because I thought I didn't want to have children so why was I so upset about this? I heard a programme on the radio about miscarriage and it said early miscarriages tend to be harder to deal with precisely because that grief is hidden.

[TheWildOnes]

I have 3 dcs and have also had a miscarriage at 7 weeks and 17 weeks. I only have a small group of friends but those of us with 3 children have all had miscarriages apart from one.

[LinoleumBlownapart]

I've never had one that I know of and I know one close friend and my mil never have either. Most of my other close friends, my mother, maternal grandmother and sil all have though, so I think it's rarer not to have had one than to have had one.

[sparechange]

Some stats on miscarriage rates here, including the rate before testing day (ie before a woman knows she is pregnant):
https://spacefem.com/pregnant/mc.php?m=08&d=10&y=12

The PP’s biology teacher is very wrong with their stats...
When a sperm meets an egg in an IVF lab, the fertilisation rate is around 75%
There is no reason that wouldn’t be similar in the body of a woman where they both have normal fertility.
But fertilisation is obviously only one step of many to get and stay pregnant, hence taking up to a year for most people

[RidiculousDiversion]

Of people I know well enough to talk to about this, I'm the only one who has children but has had neither a miscarriage nor a stillbirth. I think I'm the unusual one - definitely the minority.

[SunnyCoco]

Many people have one
Not man people have more than one
I had two in a row, and only 2% of women have two in a row

My first was second trimester which was so much more traumatic than my first trimester loss
So although many people are saying they wish we talked more openly about it, for me I actually found it really offensive and trivialising when people kept telling me "it's really common"

[BarbarianMum]

I dont think most women in the UK have had a miscarriage (lots yes, most no) because we have fewer pregnancies these days. I think in the past when families of 4/5/6+ were the norm most women would have had one though.

[Crunchymum]

It is very hard to gain accurate data on this? Not all women will know if it is an early miscarriage (if they are not actively ttc for example)

For the sake of data you would need to make a distinct differentiation between miscarraige and chemical pregnancies [I was under a recurrent miscarriage clinic and medically they do differentiate]

I've had 5. Ranging between 5 and 9 weeks. Reason confirmed as 'unexplained'. I didn't need any treatment to have a successful pregnancy.

I know people who have had 6, 4, 4 kids respectively and never had a miscarriage (varying ages - the mother of 6 is my MIL).

I know someone who has had 1 miscarriage and then 5 successful pregnancies. Another who had a 12w miscarriage then needed IVF, and a few people who have had 1 loss in-between their first and second children.

I only personally know one other person who has recurrent miscarriage.

Of course these are just the people who talk about it!!

[Cloudhopping]

I would say that most of my friends have miscarried. In fact, I can't think of one of my close friends who hasn't. I therefore feel very lucky not to have (that I know of) Most of my friends had their miscarriages in their 30's and 40's.

[Crunchymum]

The statistic I was given by my consultant is that having one miscarriage puts you at no greater risk than a person who has never had one. But that 1 in 10 pregnancies for my age group end in miscarriage

[NoParticularPattern]

I think often it’s not until you actually have a MC and talk about it that a lot of women come back to you and say “me too”. I didn’t realise the huge number of people who would come to me with their story when I told them about mine- and I’d have considered a lot of them very close, honest friends.

It also surprises me that people are still suggesting it’s just like a heavy period when it’s early- I even had a doctor say this to me! That 15 years ago no one would have known and I’d have just thought my period was late. Well I can’t speak for everyone obviously, but when I miscarried at 9 weeks (but my pregnancy was anembryonic so no more developed than the average 5 ish weeks) I had the most excruciating pain and passed a small 3cm ish sac with a lot of bleeding. Now if I’d not known I was pregnant or what was going to happen, I’d have been absolutely terrified that I was dying, never mind convinced that it wasn’t a period. Obviously only my experience, but I have never had such a heavy or painful “period” before or since.

[surferjet]

I wouldn’t say most women no.
I know a few women who have had one but they were all over 35.
I’ve had 2, but I was in my early 40’s so not overly surprised.
So I’d say YABU, especially for women under 35.

[RedForFilth]

I've had 3 pregnancies and I have one child. My first miscarriage I didn't know I was pregnant, I think it was very early and wasn't particularly painful. My second was planned and I was 11 weeks and 6 days. We had had a scan due to suspected ectopic pregnancy at 6 weeks. It was so painful and I bled so heavily. It felt like labour pains for 2 days. It ended the relationship and I was so depressed. I just felt as though nothing was the same. I couldn't talk to anyone about it as no one knew I was pregnant. I wish I'd have told people so I had that support.

I think miscarriage is so common that many people, especially health professionals have become desensitised to it. When I had mine the sonographer just kept banging on about how hard it was for my partner and I shouldn't neglect him or his feelings! I wasn't planning on doing but there was no need for it. They then made me go and sit with all the pregnant women (mostly visibly pregnant) until I saw the doctor. It was awful.

[AJPTaylor]

i havent but i think that early pregnancy tests and social media/internet forums whip up a lot of hysteria and obsession which is not healthy. it didnt exist when i was pregnant in 1995 and 1997. by 2007 when i eventually fell for no.3 i had a glimpse into it (took 2 years to fall for dd3 caused by age and stress). i had to stop looking after numerous people with people who had "miscarried at 4 weeks". breaking their hearts over it. a few years earlier they would never known.

[KitKat1985]

It depends how early on you consider something to be a miscarriage. I believed I had a chemical miscarriage once as took a very early test (like 4-5 days early) as we were TTC and there was definitely a shadow of a second line on the test, but the next day nothing, and my period was 11 days late that month so I think it may have been a chemical pregnancy, but hard to say. I was disappointed and upset for a while, but I would never compare it to having a late miscarriage or a stillbirth.

[cornerstoned]

about 90% of my friends had at least one miscarriage (me incl). most of us had it with our first pregnancy. not sure if this is unusual.

[sukitea]

I read that up to 50% of fertilized eggs (I don't mean IVF) do not end up resulting in a birth so it is very common, albeit upsetting. I know a lot of people online who POAS before their period is due and then go on to have 'chemical' pregnancies; ie fertilization took place but the embryo didn't continue to grow.

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Well done, ajptaylor, really busting the stereotype of 'those with children are more empathic' there. I'm sure it was indeed irritating for you, with your two children and never having been through it, to see other people upset.

[Redredredrose]

As far as I am aware, I've been pregnant once, and the result is my DS. I was on the Pill for about 20 years and never had a scare. When I'm not in the Pill, I'm extremely regular - my cycle is always 26 days. The only time I've ever been late was when I got pregnant with DS.

My mum and gran both had 8 week miscarriages before conceiving their living children. An awful lot of my friends have mentioned having miscarriages too.

[GreatFuckability]

I've had 4 (3 successful pregnancies). I would say most of my friends i've talked about it with have had at least one.

[somethingfromnothing]

I have had 4 miscarriages. The poster above who compared it to a late heavy period couldn't be more wrong. I have been hospitalised twice. I have had to walk around for 2 weeks knowing that the heart had stopped before they could fit me in for a D&C.
My heart aches for those who have suffered a late miscarriage or still birth. However it is not fair to compare levels of pain and grief and to suggest that a miscarriage before 12 weeks is nothing shows a gross misunderstanding of the physical and emotional trauma involved.

[Crumbs1]

Yes, the miscarriage rate is high. I think we've done women a disservice by making it a 'thing' with such early testing now available. I understand women are wanting to know ASAP but it has made those first few fragile weeks an event such that if it aborts it becomes traumatic and generates significant grief. It used to be that it was put down to late periods as testing wasn't available until after you'd missed a period so women shrugged their shoulders and moved on when bleeding started.
There's now a whole exploitative industry around early pregnancy with dodgy baby scans who fail to follow NICE guidance and give misleading information.

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

I can't help feeling that the whole 'back in the day you wouldn't have known you were pregnant' thing is sometimes used as a stick to beat women with for their grief over early mc/to minimise the experience.

I've had six mc, ranging from five and a half to 9ish weeks. I knew I was pregnant every time. A regular cycle and no period is always going to make you wonder.

I find it interesting how the valuing of the baby as an entity worth acknowledging/protecting/mourning varies to suit the agenda - we are inreasingly told that women should (e.g.) abstain from alcohol if they are even onl trying to get pregnant, but then a loss before 12 weeks isn't regarded as the loss of a (potential) person to be mourned and there is even a cultural expectation to act (to the outside world) as if the baby doesn't exist before that magic milestone.

FWIW I didn't invest my miscarried babies with personhood in the sense of giving them names etc. And while awful, the losses weren't life-changingly, traumatically devastating in the way a stillbirth would be. But each mc was an intensely sad and difficult experience and not one that was easier to cope with by virtue of its minimisation.

To answer the OP's question, though, seeing as miscarriage means 'of recognised pregnancies' (i.e. not the non-implanted fertilised eggs some people upthread have been talking of), I am guessing it's not 'most' women who have had one (particularly as, as I know, some women have a lot more than their fair share of those 1 in 4 (ish) recognised pregnancies), but certainly a very sizeable minority.