AIBU to Hate how my Mother bigs me up in public but is hostile in private?

[speakout]

Just that really.
She tells her church friends what a wonderful mother I am, hardworking, a great cook.
Yet in private she is so passive aggressive " ah well you were always a bad judge of men " , criticises me for being too assertive, for not ironing my OHs shirts ( " I would never have sent your father to work looking like that"), starts conversations when she is watching TV then blames me for interrupting her programme.
She is very elderly and a little frail, direct talking to her is not an option.

Outsiders tell me what a wonderful person person she is, and I find myself smiling but grating my teeth.

I'll bet you find that the neighbour said nothing of the sort. Tell your mum you are going to give the neighbour a piece of your mind and see what her reaction is.

Danceswithwarthogs yes - even as a child she wanted me to be exactly like her.

This is my mother too and I've been NC for 8 years. In public bigged me up (first in family to go to uni etc) in private sniped at me constantly (called me stuck up for going to uni for instance). She would constantly try and make me feel sorry for her, would phone up with her symptoms and say she had googled them and it said she might have cancer! She has totally ruined my self esteem and I've had MH issues because of it.